“You are half demon, and within that half is a representation of every facet of this world. Lust, passion, sex—they are meant to be experienced and explored. It’s natural, for all creatures. If it weren’t, it wouldn’t feel good. I don’t think it’s weird at all to bring up.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “It would be if you’d raised me in the Brink, trust me. No, I don’t need to bang it out. I just need to think on things for a bit. I need to consider what I want my life to be. What makes me happiest. Where I can compromise. I just…” I waited for the attendant to fill up my glass again. “I need more time, that’s all. And I need a clear headspace.”
“A clear headspace?”
I looked away, hating myself for what I was about to say. Hating what I was about to do.
“It’s Cahal. I think his usefulness has come to an end.” I smoothed my hair back. “He’s convoluting everything now. I can’t seem to think straight when he’s around.”
“Look.” He held out his palm. A goldfish stitched into existence.
“I’m not going to kill him. I might just send him home. Can I do that? You let him leave last time—let him leave this time.”
He steepled his fingers, resting them against his lips. “I don’t know. He has a bad habit of turning back up. At this point, he’ll probably have to be killed. Consider it a mercy kill. He can’t find his true mate, and so he is stuck in a life he does not want to lead. Put him out of his misery.”
“Jesus, you don’t fuck around.” I rubbed my eyes.
“No, I do not. And I see the confusion he brings out in you. I saw it eat the last heir from the inside out. I will not allow him to do it to my daughter. I will kill him before he can.”
“Right, fine, great, but I’m not going to kill him, and neither are you. I just need some space, that’s all. So send him home and lock him out.”
Silence drifted between us, and suddenly I was exhausted. Usually I could hold my own at these dinners, accustomed to dealing with manipulative people—and non-people—but this one felt…different. He wasn’t his usual self. The business he had to attend to was clearly gnawing on him. If I wanted an example of the darkness residing within him, I had it.
“I will not kill Cahal.” I stood. “We can talk about what to do with him when you get back. Until then, he can stay in his room, okay?” I met his gaze. “Just give me that. Give me a few days to sort things out in my head.”
“Yes, of course.” I turned to go. “But Reagan…” I turned back. “Think about what I said. About the mercy you would bring. Ask him if that is something he might want. He could’ve tried to escape, knowing I would inevitably try to talk you into killing him. But he has stayed. He confronted dragons without a weapon. He is taking chances because he is tired of this life. He needs someone stronger to grant him salvation. Ask him and see. I’ll see you in a few days. Be good. I love you.”
I paused by the door, my back rigid with the last thing he’d said. “That’s a dirty trick.”
“Yes, I know. But I do love you. You are my daughter, and it will pain me if something happens to you. I want to protect you. Deal with it.”
“I don’t love you.”
“Yes, you do. You just don’t want to admit it. See you in a few days. Don’t get into trouble.”
Lost to a fog, I barely knew where my feet were carrying me. I’d known his affection for me was growing, that I had wormed into his walls. He’d called me his daughter a couple of times since the dragon thing, and the servants had signaled a change too. I didn’t know if I believed him about the love stuff, though. It was too soon. Wasn’t it? Or was the situation different between a parent and their offspring than it was the other way around?
I was in front of Cahal’s door before I knew it. I didn’t knock, just busted in. Why bother pretending I suddenly had decorum, especially around here?
He sat by the cold fireplace in the two-bedroom apartment, leaning toward a lit candle, book in hand. He straightened up when I entered the room.
“Let’s go for a walk,” I said, motioning him out.
“Did you learn how to make fish?” He put down his book calmly and followed me, bringing nothing with him.
“Is that what you want from me?” I led him down the stairs, noticing the servants and attendants glancing our way before shuffling past, curiosity in their gazes. They knew something was up. News traveled fast.