Watching Ember dance has always been one of my favorite things. Over the last two days, I’ve consumed nothing but her recital videos on her Instagram page, and each new one leaves me more entranced than the last. A peacefulness seems to settle over her from the moment the music begins to play, and bearing witness to that is a gift.
I figured out where her recital was taking place from those same posts because she has a large following that likes to see her perform live.
Standing backstage now, observing her on stage. The audience is enthralled as Ember plays a wicked Snow White, telling her story, far darker than what’s been shown on movie screens, with nothing but the keys of a piano for noise, I think I fall deeper in love with her.
Ember’s moves reflect her personal pain. Pain that I caused her. And even though there’s no teleprompter to speak or reflect for her, I can see it.
The way she grips her heart.
Closes her eyes on the crescendos.
When she drops to the ground, a broken shell of the woman I know, everyone feels her agony.
A better man would have stayed away. Left her alone to grieve with the heartbreak he dealt. But I’m not a better man, and I won’t be walking away again. If anything, I’ll be pulling her closer. Starting with this simple gesture.
Gazing down at the envelope in my hand, I can only hope she opens it before tossing it in the trash. I’ve spent the last two days putting together a series of notes for her. Each on hand-crafted paper. Each with a symbol and a line of our journey to get to where we are today. All with a purpose. Begging her forgiveness. Promising I won’t do a damn thing to hurt her ever again and showing her how much I value her presence in my life.
As the music ceases and darkness overshadows the stage, the show ends. The curtains close, and the audience applauds the magic they just witnessed before the curtains open again, and Ember takes a bow.
Spotting one of Ember’s fellow dancers, I hand her the envelope, asking that she give it to Em once she’s off stage, and take my leave.
If I want her to forgive me, I can’t push her. I need to give her the space she requested, even if it’s slowly killing me inside. Leaving now is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Not being able to be at her side while she’s hurting is what slays me inside.
Because of my silence and Ember’s inability to hide her pain from Kol, our relationship has suffered the last few months, and I regret that every bit as much. When my marriage fell apart, Kol was with me every step of the way. Losing Katrina didn’t hurt me nearly as much as the vile bitch would have liked. It was more the idea of the family I’d hoped for that shook me.
Now, with Ember, I can’t imagine a life without her. I can’t handle the mere idea of losing out on having her by my side until the end of time.
Family was never a concept I understood until Kol and I were partnered together years ago. Both orphans, I think we bonded over our lack of parents, even if for different reasons. His died in an accident; mine left me on the steps of a firehouse in the middle of winter. I grew up in the system, and if not for a new social worker when I was fifteen, I’d have been on the wrong side of the law and likely in prison right now.
The first thing I did as an officer was search for my parents. What I found was depressing. My mother died from a drug overdose when I was five, and my father was stabbed to death in prison when I was nine. I spent many years angry that they abandoned me, but after learning more about them, and their criminal records, I found gratitude for the sacrifice they made.
About seven years ago, Cali sought me out. Her dad was killed in action as an FBI agent, and her mother—my father’s sister—had recently passed away from liver failure. A life of too much drinking was what Cali described it as. The woman had never recovered after the loss of her husband.
Now, we’re all we have left of our family.
Where Cali is more free-spirited and bohemian, I’m law and order. Family and roots. Her young age allows her to travel more than if she were in the settling down frame of mind. One day, a man will tame her wild ways.
Being present as Kol and his brother Arsen found love, has inspired me to stop resisting Ember because of our age difference. A little over eleven years separates us, and if I allow that number to keep us apart, I’m doing us both a disservice.
I’ll never find another woman like Ember, and allowing her to get away from me isn’t an option. She’s mine, and I’m going to prove it to her.
Ember
It’s past midnight, and the show was over hours ago. I should be exhausted. I was exhausted. Until I was handed a note backstage. With my name scrawled across the front, I immediately recognized Noah’s writing.
The note is from him.
I haven’t opened it yet.
I don’t even know if I want to.
Two nights ago, I was dead set on moving on from him. Accepting that we have no future together. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life. And now, here I am, debating throwing my convictions out the window because of a few written words.
“Come on, Em. You won’t sleep unless you open it,” I mutter.
Frustrated, I tear open the sealed envelope and shake out the contents inside.
A single piece of cream-colored, thick, hand-woven paper slips free and lands in my lap. The frayed edges are soft as I run a finger along them, but it’s the image and the words that capture my attention.