“Of course.” His voice is husky with emotion.
My voice cracks with emotion as I ask, “Will you call the nurse in here then? I’d like to get it over with.” With an understanding nod, I watch Noah leave to grab the woman who was so kind to me earlier.
After I refused the first rape exam, she acquiesced and requested that I not shower until I had more time to think about it. I agreed because I know how important evidence is.
That doesn’t make what I’m about to do any easier.
If he did rape me, will it change me? Will I sink deeper into depression than I was already falling into? Or will I persevere and come out stronger?
What if he didn’t touch me, though? Will I feel relief?
I want to.
“Miss Daniels?” The nurse comes in a few minutes later with a small kit and another female nurse. “Noah tells me you’d like to do the procedure?” I nod, and she gives me a consoling smile.
“He can stay, right?” I ask, because if he can’t, I don’t know that I’ll be able to get through this.
“Of course. Why don’t you grab a seat beside Ember, Noah, and we’ll get set up.” He does as she suggests and grasps my uninjured hand in his as he sits.
Noah’s gaze never leaves my face as they bring in a padded table. Like the ones at the doctor’s office with the stirrups. After they transfer me from my bed, they begin to set up their tray, lock the door, and pull a curtain around us to give maximum privacy.
“I told you this before, but it was a rather hectic moment. My name is Glory, and if at any time you feel any pain, discomfort, or simply want to stop, do not hesitate to say so, and we’ll be finished. You are in control, Ember, okay?”
“Thank you.” I barely get out the words because I’m overcome with emotion. I’m nervous, afraid, tense as she places my feet in the stirrups and lifts the sheet above my knees.
I start to shiver and drop my head back. Closing my eyes, I ignore everything happening around me and focus on the warmth of Noah’s hand holding mine.
I can hear Glory speaking, explaining everything she’s doing, but her words don’t register in my mind. I don’t want to know, and if that makes me selfish, so be it. Dread weighs heavily on my chest as I wait for her to finish, with Noah’s soft
voice in my ear, whispering loving words.
All I desire is for this to be over so I can shower and begin to learn how to heal. My world crashed down around me right as I had it at my fingertips, and I have to learn to become this new fractured Ember. The one who is quickly becoming afraid of her own shadow.
“All finished,” I hear Glory say some time later as she releases my legs and covers my lap with the blanket.
Closing my eyelids tighter, I fight back the stinging tears because I don’t want to hear the answer to the question we’ve all been wondering.
“You weren’t raped, Ember.”
My tension leaves me in a huge whoosh of air as my eyes snap open and meet her assuring gaze. “I wasn’t?” I swallow harshly.
She shakes her head. “There is no evidence of trauma, no semen, nothing to indicate he did more than pull your shorts down and rip your panties.” The reminder of how I was found makes me shudder.
“Now what?” I ask. I was prepared to feel violated and dirty.
I feel relief.
I’m still traumatized. The man broke into my home and beat me for who knows how long and intended to do worse. But this huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and all I want to do now is shower.
To be clean again.
Dissolving the feeling of his hands off my body.
“Now, I write up my report, send this kit off to the evidence lab, and you wait for charges to be laid against your attacker and everything that comes after. I’m sure Noah can fill in the blanks.” The nurse smiles before giving the report she has to write her attention.
Noah’s hand rubbing gently along my back is soothing. “What are you thinking?” he asks.
“I’d really like to shower,” I murmur, nuzzling his hand when he cups my cheek.