“Get the fuck out, Julian,” I said, walking past him into the bedroom. “Get all of your shit and get the fuck out of my life.” I started throwing his things at him and slung the Louis Vuitton overnight bag I had bought him at his face.
“Troy, what are you doing?” Julian asked, standing behind me in the doorway.
“I’m moving on.”
“Come on, baby. I can explain,” Julian said. “She’s crazy.”
“It’s funny how we’re always the crazy ones. It’s always us, right? Oh, now you want to explain? You just said you weren’t going to explain anything and now you want to explain? Make up your mind, Julian.” I threw his shoes at him. “You know, I don’t know why I’m so surprised that you can’t make up your mind. You can’t seem to decide what woman you want to be with and can’t decide why you’re in L.A.,” I handed him his wallet. “I guess you should’ve worn a fucking condom.”
“Troy, you’re acting completely irrational. You’re not being yourself,” Julian said, following me down the hallway with his bag in one hand and his shoes in the other. “I think we need to sit down and discuss this so you can calm down. I don’t want you to regret what you’re doing.”
“Regret?” I said, laughing wildly. I opened the door and pushed Julian into the hallway. “The only thing I regret is being with your dumb ass when there’s another man out there who really loves me.” I wiped of tears from my eyes—they would be the last. “Goodbye, Julian,” I said.
It took every bold bone I had in my body to knock on Kyle’s door. While I was afraid of making a complete ass of myself, I was more afraid of what would happen if I didn’t let Kyle know how I felt and apologize to him again. After I kicked Julian out, I’d sat down in the living room of the suite and thought about all the things that happened had between me and Kyle. I realized that ever since the day I’d met him, he’d been a blessing in my life. Kyle was very good to me—better than Julian had ever been. And while I knew I had feelings for him, I was afraid to let them be known because my mind was cloudy with my desire to be with Julian. I’d been a fool for so long, but I wasn’t going to be anymore.
After standing in the hallway for about three minutes, contemplating what I was going to say to Kyle, I finally knocked on the door. There was silence, and just as I was about to turn to walk away, thinking he’d left to go back to New York, the door opened and there he was.
“Hello,” Kyle said flatly.
“Hey.” I pushed my hands into my pockets. He was fully dressed and I could see his bag sitting on the table behind him. “Shipping out?”
“Yeah. I’m on my way to the airport.”
“Okay,” I said. “I was wondering if I could come in and chat for a minute.”
“Okay.” Kyle turned and left me standing at the door. Following behind him, I realized that it was the first time I’d ever seen his back. He was usually standing next to me, smiling and laughing at some silly joke, or walking behind me, making sure I was okay.
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry about last night, Kyle,” I said, feeling like I should turn around and leave.
“You already said that.” Kyle slipped his Bible into the bag.
“Well, I feel like I need to say it again.”
“No need to repeat yourself; I can hear pretty well,” he said coldly.
“Okay,” I managed. I sat down on the couch and Kyle turned to look at me for the first time. It was one of those Who the hell told you to sit down? looks. “And I also wanted to thank you for coming here to help me. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you weren’t here.” I played nervously with my hands.
“Yeah, you said that, too.”
“I know but—”
“Look, Troy, why are you here?” Kyle asked, interrupting me. “Just tell me that so I don’t have to play any more of your games.”
“Julian left.” I looked toward the window.
“Oh, that’s it? He left you again and now you want to play friends with me. I see. Well, you’re a little too late, Troy. My plane leaves in two hours.”
“No, that’s not it,” I said. “I meant to say I kicked him out. It’s over between the two of us. I broke it off.”
“Good for you.”
“Well, that’s not all. After I kicked him out, I started thinking about you, about us.” I looked at Kyle.
“A little too late for that, too. Don’t you think?” He shook his head at me.
“No,” I said. “I don’t think it’s too late.”
“Well, I do. I’m not your consolation prize.” Kyle turned his back to me again. I could hear him zipping his bag. “Troy, I’m not a violent man,” he said, keeping his back to me. “I don’t swear and I never have ill feelings toward anyone.” He turned to face me and I could see his eyes were red. “But after that thing in your room, I was so angry, so mad at myself for allowing you to treat me like that…For the first time in many years I was so mad that I felt that I was capable of hitting someone. Do you know what that’s like for a man like me? Do you have any idea what that means?”