That’s what they think of me. That’s what my pack thinks of me.
I know, logically, that not everyone thinks this way, but right now it feels like the whole world – the whole pack – is against me.
So I cry. I let out everything I’m feeling, everything I’ve been feeling, everything I’ll ever feel about the pack and my life here. I thought I could handle it. I thought I could be brave and bold, but I can’t. I can’t do it anymore.
Nobody wants me here.
Nash says he does, but we barely see each other at all, and when we do, he’s so busy with the pack that we don’t really connect anymore. I cry as I weep for my wedding day that will never come. I cry for the children I’ll never have. I cry for the pain I’ve already gone through to connect with the pack.
I cry.
By the time I’m finished, I’ve made my decision. Nash deserves better than me. He needs to lead this pack with his whole heart and his full focus. I’m just keeping him from that. I knew from the start that our relationship had blossomed really quickly. Too quickly. He saved me. Maybe he feels bound to me because of that. I don’t know.
But I do know that he’s better off without me.
He deserves a shifter.
I don’t bother packing a bag. Everything I own was given to me by the pack, anyway. The only thing I need is the key to my grandmother’s safety deposit box and my debit card, which is in my nightstand. After her death, Jeffrey sold off all of her stuff, so I don’t even have mementos. There’s just the damn deposit box. Maybe there will be cash in there. I don’t know. Maybe there will be something.
I know Jeffrey had planned to go extract it and drain her bank accounts, but he hadn’t yet, for some reason. Maybe he was too busy trying to take over the Nightfall Pack.
I’m not sure.
Dressing quickly, I shove the key and my card in my pocket. I write a short note to Nash, knowing he’ll be pissed, knowing it’s not good enough, but that it will have to do.
Then I walk out of the suite and out of the cave, and I go back into the woods.
***
I regret my choice as soon as I’m back in the forest. I haven’t made it more than half an hour away when I can sense there’s trouble. Isn’t there always?
Despite the fact that I’m not a wolf, I can sense danger, at least a little bit. I can tell there’s something wrong, but I paste a brave face on and keep walking.
Instead of worrying that someone might be watching me or following me, I think about Nash. I think about what he’ll do without me. Will he get together with Tessa? Do I have any right to be mad if he does?
I’m so stupid. I really had this fantasy that the pack would make me their sort of Alpha queen, but that’s not the way things worked out.
That’s not how things ended up going.
But was I too quick to give up on Nash? I don’t want to. I don’t want to leave him. I shouldn’t have. If things went my way, I’d stay and love him forever. Hell, I’m going to love him forever anyway. I’m just no good for him. I’m not what he needs right now.
He deserves better than me.
He deserves a wolf.
I wrap my red cloak around myself, shivering despite the warmth of the day. I need to keep moving. I need to go. I can hitch a ride to town and get money from the bank, then I can go create a life somewhere. Anywhere.
I know if I went back to my old legal firm, they’d offer me my job back. I wasn’t the world’s best paralegal, but I was pretty good at what I did. I was thorough. Maybe I can go back to my old town and try to make a life for myself.
Only I know even as the thought passes through my mind that it’s useless.
Nash was the only thing I ever wanted and I’m just no damn good for him.
I pull my cloak tighter around myself and keep moving. The woods still aren’t familiar to me. Part of that’s because I’m not a wolf, but part of it’s because I’ve spent too much time inside. Instead of worrying about our mating ceremony and whether or not my dress will fit, I should have been running wild outdoors, spending time chasing squirrels or looking for cool rocks or something.
Anything.
I walk carefully, but quickly, keeping up a steady pace. Soon it starts to rain. The clouds drizzle at first, but soon the sky opens up and the rain begins to pour. Even the thick branches covered in leaves that fill the forest can’t protect me and I start to run, looking for a place to seek shelter.