"Tonight was rough," I said, approaching him. I reached for his hand and gently tugged on it so he was in my apartment. I closed the door and locked it before turning back to him.
"I know it was," he said. "I get it."
I shook my head. "No, I don't think you get it all. When your brother died, I thought I would surely die too. I believed there was no way the broken parts of my heart would ever fissure back together. I'd lost the love of my life that night, and I swore I would never experience that kind of pain again."
Conflicting emotions skated across his face in rapid succession before settling on resigned panic. He opened his mouth to say something, but I placed my finger against his lips to halt the words before he could utter them.
"But tonight I watched Mac fall apart and I realized that if I was in her shoes, I'd be willing to take the risk. I don't want to be afraid of falling in love because something bad might happen. Closing myse
lf off from love won't save my heart. I miss being in love. I miss caring about others and telling them I love them. Most of all, I miss living. I will always love your brother, but tonight I discovered the love he and I shared had been eclipsed by a new love. A different love. A love he and I were never given the chance to mature into."
The panic lifted from his face as his hands found my hips. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" he asked, pulling me closer.
"That depends," I teased. "What do you think I'm trying to say?"
His eyes were serious, wiping the smile from my lips. "Kat, do you love me?" he asked.
"I do."
"I need to hear you say it before I'll believe it."
"Brian, I love you. I love you more than I thought would ever be possible again. I've always loved you. You're my best friend, my confidant, and the man who now holds my heart. I'm terrified of losing you, but I would suffer a lifetime of heartbreak for one hour with you. Does that scare you?" I asked, wondering if I was revealing too much too soon.
"The only thing you could ever do that would scare me is leave me. I loved you my whole life, Kat. I loved you when we were only friends. I loved you even when my brother loved you and there was no way you'd ever be mine. I loved you when you were broken and had given up on life." He crushed his mouth to mine, sealing his declaration.
My once broken heart swelled with so much emotion at his words I truly believed it would burst.
Brian's arms swept under my knees. He held me against his chest, never releasing my lips. He carried me to my room where he showed me without words all the ways he loved me. We'd both been hurt and we both had survived. We would now take the journey together.
Twenty-Four
"Bentley gets out today?" I asked Mac, handing her a soda.
"Yes. It's a good thing. He's been driving the staff nuts the last few days. Being laid up for three weeks is not his idea of a picnic," she said, grinning at me.
"I heard anyone in the medical field makes a terrible patient."
She laughed. "That's an understatement with Bentley. He's ready to come home. It's a good thing our new apartment is on the bottom floor. He would have never made it at his old apartment."
"Is he planning on starting classes on Monday?"
Mac nodded. "That's his plan. He won't be able to return to work anytime soon since his doctors told him he needs to take it easy, but he's bound and determined to catch up on all his classes."
"That's good. Zach will be there too."
"I know. I still can't believe that. If you would have seen Zach six months ago you wouldn't believe it either. He was still so angry and mad at the world, determined to hide out in his house forever."
"Like me," I interjected.
She laughed again. "Yes, exactly like you. You've both come so far. I'd all but given up that we would ever find our way back to each other again. I thought our friendship had died that night. Now look at all of us. In a few days the three of us will be at the same college. If the accident didn't happen, that would have never happened. We all had different plans that would set us on separate courses in life. Is it wrong that I don't resent the accident as much anymore? I'm not saying I'm glad the others died. I would never say that, but the accident brought me Bentley, and it gave us a chance to be closer."
I nodded, completely understanding what she was saying. The accident had been tragic and we'd never forget it, but it also had set us both on different courses in life. It had given us the chance to rewrite ourselves a new love story. It was like the Choose Your Own Adventure books I used to read when I was younger. By selecting a certain page number we were taken on a different journey than if we would have picked one of the other pages. We now needed to get the book into Zach's hands so he could start his next story. He was taking a major step by starting classes. I had a feeling Zach would struggle for a while, but he would find his way.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked Mac, helping myself to a Double Stuff Oreo from the package that sat between us.
"Sure," she said, unscrewing the top off her own cookie. She licked the cream off the chocolate wafer.
"I need you to answer me honestly. It's not going to change my feelings, but I'm afraid to ask anyone else."