My own tears nearly choked me as I swallowed them back. I promised myself that later when I was all alone I would give them their chance. I was afraid if I gave them free rein now I wouldn't be able to pull them back in. For this reason I kept my eyes averted from Brian, afraid the emotions I was bottling up would bubble out of me like a can of shaken soda. Later I would tell him all the conclusions I'd reached. Later I would lay it all out there.
We stayed with Mac's and Bentley's parents until he'd been moved to ICU and they'd gotten a chance to visit him. Bentley's mom lied and claimed Mac was Bentley's fiancé. Two years ago Mac would have run for the hills if she'd been associated with a title like that. School and job came first. Marriage would be something she'd do once she was established in her career choice. Now, though, Mac practically beamed at the fake title, and I couldn't help wondering how far off it was when that title became a reality.
"How is he?" I asked Mac.
Tears filled her eyes. "He looks rough. He has so many tubes coming out of him, I was afraid to touch him. But he's alive," she said, smiling through her tears.
"He's alive," I agreed, giving her a tight hug. "And you'll be here for him. You'll be a pro at helping him recover."
"True. His mom told me he used to be a bear when he was little and got sick. I think she's happy to hand the nursemaid duties off to me."
"She seems to like you a lot. I didn't miss the fiancé comment."
A blush streaked Mac's cheeks. "That was just so I could see him."
"I noticed you didn't seem to mind the title all that much. There was a time when the word marriage would have broken you out in hives."
She smiled again. "It's amazing how things change," she said as Bentley's parents came back into the waiting room.
I gaped at her but didn't comment as she winked at me.
"Kat, are you ready to head out?" Brian asked, appearing at my elbow. "I told Zach we'd give him a ride. If we fold his wheelchair, it should fit in the back."
I nodded, giving Mac and Jill one last hug. The atmosphere in the waiting room had shifted ever since Bentley's doctor came. It was amazing how a little positive news could change so much. I was so relieved the news had been good.
We were a silent group as we left the waiting room and headed down the elevator. I suspected we were all spent from the emotional toll the night had taken on us. Zach and I had gotten a firsthand look at the suffering our families had gone through. I wondered if Zach was thinking about how easy it could have been for our families to receive the devastating news on us. Was he thankful our families had been the ones to receive the good news? Brian and his family hadn't been as lucky. They knew what it felt like to receive tragic news.
The car ride was as silent as our departure from the hospital had been. When we arrived at Zach's I waited in the car while Brian helped get him in his chair. Zach waved at me as we pulled away and I returned it with a smile, though I wasn't sure he could see it in the dark.
I expected Brian to start talking once we were alone. I felt like there were a million things we needed to say to each other, but he surprised me by turning up the radio and making any kind of conversation impossible. I didn't mind the noise. It allowed me time to sort through my thoughts and get them in order. I knew what I wanted to say to him, but I didn't want to blurt them out and dilute their meaning. I could wait to say what I needed to say. The words would keep.
Twenty-Three
I must have dozed on the drive home. I closed my eyes for only a moment and the next thing I knew Brian was switching off the car in front of my building. I sat up, yawning.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep," I said, climbing from the car.
"That's okay. Tonight was an emotional endurance. You were great with Mac." He sounded as if my behavior had been a surprise.
His shock stung a little at first, but I had no leg to stand on. Time and time again I'd proven my selfishness by running away. It was only natural everyone would expect me to do it again when times got tough. I would have to prove to everyone I'd changed. Starting with Brian. Once we got into my apartment, I would show him.
"It was scary being on the other side," I answered, avoiding his implication.
"I think it's scary being on either side," he said, holding his hand out for my keys so he could unlock my front door.
"It is. It makes you want to lock your heart away so it never gets broken again."
His eyes clouded over at my words. "I understand," he said, pausing in my doorway.
"You understand what?" I asked.
"I understand what you're trying to tell me. I don't need to be hit over the head with it. I could see it on your face all night long."
He was talking in riddles. I had no idea how to make sense of what he was trying to say. By his stiff posture it was clear he was upset about something, but I didn't have the faintest idea what I'd said to upset him.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, tossing my purse on the couch.
"I'm talking about your heart. You don't have to spell it out for me. I get that you don't want it to get damaged again." His words were rough. I could tell he was holding back. I had the feeling he wanted to shake me, convince me to take a chance. He had it all wrong.