Goddammit. The lump in my throat is back, and I hate it. I don’t know what to say to that. Levi sounds so genuine, so sincere when he says it, like it’s a simple, indisputable fact that I should already know.
I want to tell him that if they really care about me, my father would still be alive, but the jury is still out on whether or not he even knows about that at all. I can’t come out and ask him without ruining everything, so I decide to try the next best thing. A test.
“You guys are starting to get awfully attached to me,” I tell him, keeping my voice light. “Especially considering I’ll leave as soon as my dad finishes his mission.”
My words are casual, but my gaze stays glued to his face, searching for anything—any little tell that might reveal he knows my dad won’t ever finish what he was tasked to do.
But Levi’s brown eyes are open and clear as he looks back at me, and there’s nothing strange lurking in their depths. Not that I can see, anyway. No twitch of the eyebrows, no guilt or remorse. Just honesty and concern and desire.
“Yeah, maybe we are a little attached,” he admits. “But is that a bad thing? Even after he’s done paying his debt, things don’t have to be over between you and us.” Then he shrugs, giving me a smile that’s almost boyish. “At least… I hope not.”
It hits me that he’s right about that, whether he knows it or not.
My dad may be done with his part in this, but it’s not over between me and the guys. Not by a long shot.
Just not in the way Levi thinks.
8
The rest of the day goes by in a blur, and if someone asked me to repeat something I learned in my afternoon classes, I wouldn’t have been able to do it at all. My head’s just too full of everything else going on, from my meeting with Paul to learning more about Levi and his history with his brother.
There’s still a pang whenever I think about him, and the way he seemed so honest when he said he and Rory care about me, but I shove it down. I don’t have time to dwell on that.
When we get home, I tell Levi I have homework to do, then go up to my room and close the door before pulling out my sociology notebook. Instead of writing down anything to do with the class, I add to the list I keep in the back. It’s a growing list of things I know about the Black Roses—anything that can be used against them.
It seems safe enough to keep it in the back of my notebook, since even if the guys decide to go snooping through my shit, they probably won’t be interested in going through my school stuff. Levi’s been there enough times to know that me going to class isn’t a front or anything.
The list isn’t all that long yet, but I write down the name of Levi’s brother and how he died, adding the name of the Jackal who killed him, which I got from Levi on the way home. I asked him then if he ever thought about revenge, and judging from the way his fingers tightened on the steering wheel, I guessed the answer was yes. He changed the subject after that, and I let him because I had the information I needed.
Writing it all down makes me feel that little pang of something like guilt, though. Levi shared this about himself in good faith, as a way to relate to the pain he thinks I’m going through, and here I am, turning it into a commodity to be used against him later. He told me the story because he trusted me with it, and probably also because he wanted me to know I wasn’t alone. Definitely not because he ever thought I would use it like this. He doesn’t know I plan on trading any information he gives me to the Jackals for help in bringing him and the others down.
But what choice do I have? Levi’s a part of this, whether he knows about what happened to my dad or not, and I have to do something. I’m at a disadvantage here, and I have to use what I’ve got.
I tip my head back for a second, closing my eyes and letting out a breath, trying to shake off the bad feeling. Before I’m even a little bit successful at that, I hear raised voices outside in the hall. The guys are all talking, sounding agitated.
“Hurry the fuck up!” Sloan snarls, and I frown, getting up to poke my head out of my room.
Levi and Sloan are already out of their rooms and heading for the stairs, and Rory is halfway out of his, shoving his gun into his pants. I can see Sloan and Levi are also armed, and I frown, stepping out a bit more.
“What’s going on?”
Sloan whips his head around to look at me. “Don’t you go anywhere,” he says, using a tone of voice that says he expects me to do whatever he commands.
“Wha—”
“Mercy,” Rory cuts in, using my real name the way he only usually does when he’s being serious. “Don’t go anywhere. Just stay here, okay?”
I hesitate. It’s the same sentiment, but there’s real concern in his voice, whereas Sloan just came off as giving orders like a damn asshole.
“What’s happening?” I ask again, hoping someone will actually fucking answer me this time. They’re all clearly in battle mode, ready to go out and use those guns if they have to, and I have no idea why.
“There was an attack on one of our buildings,” Levi says. “One of the ones we use a lot for our business. Ever since we lost the church, the fucking Jackals have been making a push to take more of our territory.”
“Shut up, Levi,” Sloan snaps, glaring at him.
Levi rolls his eyes and starts down the stairs, leaving the other two to follow him.
I’m glad Levi told me what’s up, especially so easily. He’s telling me more and more, letting me in like I’m a part of their group, like I’m meant to be here, and that’s good. That’s what I need if my plan is going to work.