Seeing the ring made her ache for a life that could’ve been, a woman who could’ve been, if she’d met someone like Lane before she’d become…this. Before she’d learned that no one in her life could be trusted to have her back, that if you let your guard down, the people closest to you could rip out your heart without warning and leave you. She didn’t want to always be waiting for that knife in the back, but if she couldn’t trust her heart to her husband, her parents, or her own sister, how was she supposed to trust a man she’d just met? Especially one who had the job Lane did.
If she let her feelings get involved, she wouldn’t survive another betrayal like that. It would break her.
She’d worked so hard to get to this point. She was proud of how far she’d come after her marriage had fallen apart and she’d fought her way out of depression. She loved her job. Loved being able to help her patients. Loved the research she did. This way of life worked for her.
No, that little voice inside her taunted. It had been working for her
Because right then, staring at the closed door, face damp with tears and shame burning in her belly over how she’d treated Lane, she’d never felt so epically alone.
And lost.
And she had no idea how to fix it.
Lane showed up at her door at seven that night with a bag of takeout and his backpack. The sight of him standing on her doorstep was almost too much to take in. Relief stole her breath. After what had happened in the office that afternoon, he hadn’t returned her calls and she’d been convinced that she’d wrecked everything, that he’d never speak to her again. But Lane didn’t look mad. He just looke
d…normal. And handsome. And like everything she needed tonight.
She wanted to talk to him. To explain.
“Lane,” she said, her voice coming out more earnest than she wanted. “I’m so glad you’re here. I didn’t expect…about this afternoon—”
He shook his head and handed her the bag of food. “Later. I’m here to eat and to work on my paper. Are you still willing to help with that?”
She frowned. “Of course. It was my suggestion.”
“Fine. Let’s get to it, then. It’s been a long day.” He stepped inside and headed toward the kitchen.
She shut the door and followed him to the back of the house, a chill left in his wake. When she got to the kitchen, he was already grabbing plates from her cabinet like he knew the place. She cleared her throat, searching for a topic other than their argument. “How’d your appointment go this afternoon?”
He cut a look her way. “You know I can’t discuss clients that aren’t yours.”
“Of course.” She tried to busy herself with taking the boxes of fragrant Thai food out of the bag, but her brain wouldn’t shut up, which meant her mouth wouldn’t shut up. She dumped some noodles onto one of the plates. “I tried to call you, but I guess you were busy. Was it an…extensive session?”
“You mean did I have sex with her?” The words were clipped, the tone pointed.
She winced. “I—”
“It doesn’t matter. You and I aren’t sleeping together tonight.”
She swallowed hard. “Right. That’s not what I—”
“Or ever again.”
The flat statement had her head snapping upward. “What?”
“That part is done.” He stabbed his chopsticks into the other container and served himself some food. “I was being delusional this whole time. I thought we could have some fun with each other, maybe even be friends, but this afternoon confirmed what I already suspected. This arrangement can’t work. You never wanted it to. I should’ve just let you go with Isaiah and saved us both the trouble.”
The stinging words were delivered without emotion or humor, none of Lane’s trademark good nature seeping into them. “But…you’re here.”
“I’m here because we made an agreement, and I told you I keep my word. You’ll help me with my paper. I’ll still pretend to be your fiancé to help you get through the wedding weekend. But sex can’t be a part of that.” He looked up, green eyes clear and resolute. “I made a rule for myself when I walked away from hooking. I would never fuck someone who didn’t respect me—as a lover, as a friend, as a human. Maybe that’s what sent me down the path of becoming a dominant, but the rule still stands outside of that world, too.”
The words cut into her like ice shards. “Lane, I didn’t—”
“Imagine if I had done what you did today. If we had run into some of my friends and I said, Oh her? Are you kidding? No, I wouldn’t date that bitch. She’s just good at getting me off when I’m too lazy to masturbate.”
Her spine went straight. “That’s not what I said.”
He shoved a bite in his mouth and shrugged. “Same sentiment. Only replace bitch with trash.”