“Yes. Case in point. The night in the foam pit.” She tipped her chin up as though her point had proven everything.
He glanced over at the pit in question, trying not to remember how it’d felt to have his arms around her, her soft mouth against his, to feel that heat surge between them. “That night was a temporary lapse in judgment.”
“No. It was you being human.” She crossed her arms like a lawyer ready to make her closing arguments. “Humans need people. They need to socialize. To have friends. To touch and be touched. To have people in their lives who they can be themselves around. Even though that’s not part of your plan, you’re still going to want that on some level—even if it’s a subconscious need. That’s why you couldn’t help but take the risk with me that night.”
He snorted. “That’s why I kissed you? Because of my humanness?”
She nodded resolutely. “Yes.”
He leaned in, letting himself indulge in the up-close view of her for one selfish moment. “I can assure you, professor. My humanness had nothing to do with why I couldn’t keep my hands off you.”
She straightened at that, her cheeks darkening. “Oh…I…”
“And I appreciate you worrying about my mental health, but I’m fine. I’m much better off living like this than how things were before. I’ve got what I need. I need to protect that.” He stepped back and crossed his arms to match her stance. “So I’m sorry it’s not the answer you want, and I respect what you’re trying to do, but I can’t be involved with your event.”
He turned his back, needing to get away from her. This conversation had cut too deeply, and he could feel the blood pooling at his feet. He didn’t open up like this, flayed open, all his ugly secrets on display. He needed to stitch up and put that Lucas armor back on. But right as he was about to walk away, her voice hit him in the back. “Do you still want to kiss me?”
His muscles locked up midstep. He refused to look back.
“Taryn,” he warned.
“No.” Her heeled boots clicked against the concrete floor as she stepped closer. “Answer the question.”
He forced himself to turn around and face her again. “That’s an unfair question.”
Her eyes held challenge as she planted a fist on the curve of her hip. “Why?”
“Because the answer doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me,” she said, not backing down.
“Fine. You want the truth?” he said, going on the offensive, hoping to scare her right out the door. “Yes. And it has nothing to do with my damn subconscious. You’re sexy as fuck. Smart. Interesting. And when I kiss you, your whole body responds like you’re starved for something only I can give you. You know what that feels like?”
She blinked, clearly taken aback.
“Like a goddamned drug, Taryn,” he said, frustration burning through him. “Powerful and addictive and so tempting, it makes me crazy. Crazy. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve felt something like that? I can barely manage to share air with you and not completely lose my cool. It took everything I had that first night to stop and not take you right there on the gym floor. It takes everything I have every time I’m around you not to touch you.”
Taryn was staring at him with wide eyes, her lips parted.
“So yes, I still think about kissing you. I think about doing more than that. I think about dirty, depraved things you should probably slap me for. But that doesn’t matter.” His voice echoed in the empty gym. “Because I am who I am and you are who you are.”
Taryn’s pulse was visible in her throat as she stared back at him. “Dirty, depraved things?”
His fingers flexed as his mind raced through all the fantasies that had invaded his mind since he’d met her. Some involving the equipment around them. “Yes. You should probably hit me and then knee me in the groin for good measure.”
She stepped closer to him, and for a second, he thought she was going to take him up on that suggestion, but she didn’t raise a hand or a knee. “That first night here, you said you stopped kissing me because I didn’t know your name.”
He clenched his jaw. Why was she so close? Why wasn’t she running? Why did she look so fucking beautiful all the damn time?
She lifted her face to him. “I know your name now, Shaw.”
All his ire left him in a hard gust of air, as if she really had punched him. He gave her a desperate look. “What are you trying to do here, Taryn? I don’t have the energy to play mind games.”
Taryn shook her head. “Not a game. I just need you to know that I know who you are. I know why this is a bad idea. And I still want to kiss you, too.”
The words tumbled between them and then snaked through Shaw’s blood like a dangerous potion. He closed his eyes and inhaled through his nose, trying to find his good sense, and then looked down at her. “Taryn, I know how bad you want this program to happen, but you don’t have to do this to get me to agree.”
Her brows popped up at that and then she laughed—actually laughed at him. “Hold up. Are you seriously suggesting I’d offer myself in exchange for that? In exchange for anything?”