of a risk,” he continued. “I just thought the risk was all mine. I didn’t realize I could hurt someone like you in the process.”
She considered him. “You stopped things that night at the gym before you knew who I was. I didn’t tell you about my research until after. That was because of your rules?”
“The rules were the last thing on my mind in that moment. I forgot them the minute we kissed, but you called me Lucas.” He rubbed the back of his neck, finding it damp. “That snapped me out of it. I’ve done some really shitty things in my life, but I’m not going to take a woman to bed when she doesn’t even know my real name.”
Taryn stepped back and sat on the arm of the couch as if her body was suddenly too heavy to hold up. “My head is spinning. I can’t believe this. Of all the bars to lose my shoe in…”
He wanted to tell her it was his fault. That fate was punishing him, deservedly so. If he hadn’t found her shoe and followed her, he would’ve seen her at the race. She would’ve signed up for sessions at the gym anyway. He was supposed to be tortured. But fate had gotten it wrong because it wasn’t supposed to drag someone like Taryn down with him. “Believe me, I know. I lost my shit when I figured out who you were. I’ll never be able to express how sorry I am.”
She looked up at him. “Your brother killed my sister.”
The words were like a jagged knife twisting into his gut. He lost his air for a second. He nodded. “I know. I’m…so sorry, Taryn.”
She pressed her lips together, but then a determined look came into those brown eyes. “Don’t say you’re sorry for that. You didn’t do it.”
He closed his eyes, a familiar pain racing through him like lightning. “He was my little brother. I wasn’t there to stop him.”
“That doesn’t mean you killed anyone.”
He opened his eyes to find her staring at him.
“You can say you’re sorry for lying to me. You can say you’re sorry for kissing me back tonight. You can say you’re sorry for my loss. But don’t take blame for things that aren’t yours to own. I’ve seen what that can do to a person. Joseph, by all indications, was a sociopath who knew exactly what he was doing. A lot of things had to go wrong to make that happen.” Her throat worked as she swallowed. “I don’t know you, Shaw. Not really. I just know this person you’ve presented to me as Lucas. And I’m angry you lied to me, but I can’t imagine you wanted the shooting to happen or for your brother to become who he became. And I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.” She met his gaze. “So…I’m sorry for your loss, too.”
He blinked. “My loss?”
“Yeah. You lost a sibling, too. And it sounds like you’ve lost a lot more than that.” She glanced around the apartment. “Long Acre had more victims than I realized.”
Shaw simply stared at her, marveling. This woman, this woman who had been traumatized and who had lost her sister and friends, who’d had her whole life turned inside out because of his brother, was offering him condolences? Sympathy? “Do you…”
When he didn’t finish, she tilted her head. “What?”
He flexed his jaw, his emotions trying to push to the surface. Do you have any idea how amazing you are? That was what he wanted to say, but instead, he said, “Please don’t waste sympathy on me. I’m okay.”
She gave him a sad smile. “Cutting yourself off from any possibility of new friendships or relationships and living under a different name, looking over your shoulder every moment? That’s not a life, Shaw. That’s jail.”
His jaw flexed. “Maybe I deserve the sentence.”
She blew out a long breath, looking exhausted all of a sudden. “I have a hard time believing that. Not if you’re anything like the Lucas I met.”
He didn’t respond.
“So that’s your plan?” she asked in what he would guess was her professor voice—slightly chastising but edged with concern. “Run the gym and just pretend to be someone else for the rest of your life?”
“No. After tonight, I won’t be running the gym. I’ll need to leave.”
“Leave?” Lines bracketed her mouth, her distaste for that idea apparent. “Why?”
He put his hands out to his sides. “Because you know who I am. You’ll tell someone. The press will find me again.”
She gave him an offended look and put her hand to her chest. “You think I’m going to run to the press? You think I like that kind of attention? I was in that media circus, too. I could barely stand to have the cameras pointed at me during the school-board meeting the other night.”
He grimaced, realizing how self-centered and accusatory he’d sounded. “Maybe not the press, but if you tell someone, then they tell someone…”
She let out a harsh breath. “I’m angry at you, but I’m not going to out you, Luc…Shaw. I have nothing to gain by doing that. I have no desire to screw up your life.”
“But—”
She lifted a palm. “Your secret is yours to keep.”