He couldn’t breathe.
He couldn’t do this.
“Dorsey.” A hand tapped his shoulder. “You taking a nap?”
Finn startled and raised his head, finding T. J. Billings staring down at him, suit wrinkled but salt-and-pepper hair perfectly in place. “Boss?”
Billings curled his lip. “Well, I’m not the fucking tooth fairy.”
“You’re early.”
“Yeah. Got out of the meeting earlier than expected, and you weren’t answering, so I pinged your GPS.” Billings thumped him on the knee. “You’re losing your touch. I shouldn’t be able to sneak up on you like that. Could’ve killed you before you even knew I was here.”
Seeing his boss on the baseball field of his old school was causing a disconnect in Finn’s mind. He didn’t like being surprised, and his head was still spinning, but he managed to slip on a stoic mask. “I’d say this isn’t the kind of town where I’d have to worry about that, but you’re standing on the campus of one of the deadliest school shootings in history, so…guess I should pay more attention.”
Billings glanced toward the school and frowned. “This is it, huh? The reason you signed up for this crazy gig.”
Finn ran a hand over the back of neck where sweat had gathered during his mini-meltdown. “Yeah.”
He’d shared his mission with Billings early on, wanting any chance at tracking down the suppliers of the Long Acre guns. Billings had understood that need for revenge and updated Finn when leads came up. They’d thought Dragonfly had been involved and that Finn would finally get a firsthand shot at his mission, but the group ended up having no link to Long Acre.
Billings cocked his head toward Liv and Reynaldo. “Is that your lady friend?”
Finn looked over, a hollow pang going through him. Lady friend. What did that term even mean? “She’s more than that.”
Billings glanced back at him, frown lines appearing. “Uh-oh. That sounds ominous.”
Finn’s jaw flexed.
“Dorsey, I told you to relax and have a good time, not get attached.”
Finn’s fingers curled against the bleachers. “I’m aware. I didn’t exactly plan to fall in love. Things happen.”
Billings snorted. “Well, word of advice from a thrice-divorced man: it’s not love. Any pretty, willing woman who gives you attention after a long assignment looks like the answer to a
prayer. It’s your dick talking. It’s the loneliness talking. And I promise you, after two months, that’s all you’re feeling. It’ll pass once you’re back out there.”
The dismissive attitude raised Finn’s hackles. “You have no idea what I feel for Liv.”
Billings rubbed the spot between his eyes and sighed. “Look, Dorsey. I’m not trying to be an asshole, but I’m speaking from experience. You remind me a lot of myself when I was your age. And I did this. Came home from a brutal assignment and latched on to a girl I knew from college. It felt like I’d unlocked the key to happiness. It was this woman. So I took a gig pushing paper around and married her.” He shook his head. “Most miserable year of both our lives. She was great and tried to make it work, but I got restless after a few months at home, started feeling like a caged animal, trapped. I made her life hell.
“And I didn’t learn my lesson. Ended up trying two more times before I figured out I’m not wired for that life. Men like you and me don’t do well being out of the action. The adrenaline is addictive. Knowing you’re doing important shit, taking risks, saving people, that’s what fuels us. And when you give it up, you end up resenting the person you gave it up for. It’s not fair to you, and it’s definitely not fair to her. You ready to sit behind a desk all day? Type emails?”
Finn’s gut churned, and he glanced toward Liv. “I don’t know. Maybe.” If it meant coming home to Liv, seeing her face every night, waking up next to her every morning. Hell, he’d spend his life collating and alphabetizing if it meant he could have that. “The people behind the desks do important work, too.”
“Of course they do,” Billings said, his opinion clear. “But are you ready to walk away from the assignment you’ve been waiting for your whole life?”
Finn’s attention snapped back to Billings. “What?”
Billings smiled and tucked his hands in his pockets. “We got ’em, Dorsey. We pinpointed the operation where the Long Acre guns originated from.”
Finn rose out of his seat, a bolt of adrenaline rushing through him. “Pinpointed? Like, no doubt?”
“Yes. We’ve been doing surveillance for a while on a major operation out of Mexico. I flew in today to fact-check a few things and confirmed the details this morning,” Billings said. “I wanted to be sure it was the one before I told you. And I wanted to make sure you got first crack at it. We’re going to need a guy on the ground. That’s why I’ve been pushing you to get your act together—so the higher-ups would give you approval to get back on the job. This is your baby. The operation has been around for decades and has brought in countless numbers of illegal weapons for the underground market. We nail these bastards, and it’ll be the takedown of your life.”
Finn’s heart pounded against his ribs. This was what he’d been waiting for. All those late nights in between assignments, painstakingly going through leads. He wet his lips. “How soon would this start?”
“You’d fly back to Virginia with me tomorrow. You’re going to need to go through a psych eval to clear you. Then you have to get caught up on intel pretty quickly. We’ve had some movement in the organization, which is why I’m calling you back early. It’s an ideal time for them to bring new guys in. We need to get you down there, establish your identity sooner rather than later. We need to get these guys to trust you enough to hire you. That’s going to take some effort. This organization is locked down tight and more volatile than Dragonfly.”