grabbed his shoulder. “No condoms.”
He raised his head, his gaze searching hers. “No?”
She wet her lips and nodded. “You’ve been celibate. I’ve been tested, and I’m on the pill. If you’re okay with it, I don’t want anything between us.”
He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “I can’t imagine anything better.” He smiled. “But you’ll be my first without, so if I come in three seconds, I’m blaming you.”
She laughed as she helped him take off his pants. “Good thing we have all night for do-overs if you screw it up.”
He slid his hand behind her knee and positioned himself against her, the hard heat of him sending the laughter right out of her. “That sounds like incentive to mess up. Over and over and over again.”
“That could definitely get messy.”
“We’ve always been messy, Livvy. That’s what makes it so good.” He bent down to kiss her and guided her legs around his hips. When he entered her, it was like she’d been waiting her whole life for that moment of connection. Yes, this was messy and would get worse. It was temporary. But with him deep inside her, skin to skin, his lips on hers, and the words I love you in her ear, she’d finally found what she’d been searching for.
The woman she wanted to be.
She wasn’t living scared anymore.
chapter
TWENTY-FOUR
Finn watched in silence as Liv positioned one of their former classmates against the fence of Long Acre High’s baseball diamond. Reynaldo Lopez had been a junior and the catcher on the baseball team when he’d gotten caught in the crosshairs at prom. He’d been shot in the stomach and almost hadn’t made it, but now he looked like he could bench-press a Toyota and model for Men’s Fitness.
Liv had told Finn on the way to the shoot that Rey was playing minor league ball and helping run a charity that refurbished playgrounds at low-income schools. Perfect subject for Liv’s revived photography project. Strength out of tragedy. That was the theme. Finn had told her she should just turn the camera on herself. She’d rolled her eyes.
But he had a feeling she knew how much of a badass she was. Hell, they were on Long Acre’s campus again. She wasn’t panicking. She wasn’t avoiding. Instead, she was facing down her biggest fear and tackling the project she’d had to abandon so long ago. His chest swelled with pride. And love.
That feeling didn’t get old. And still terrified him. Even after weeks of I love you’s and shared days, he still got that tight feeling in his chest when he looked at her. Still wondered if he’d done the right thing by staying the summer. But when he pulled her into his arms and kissed her, tumbled her into bed at night, and woke up to her in the morning, he couldn’t bring himself to walk away.
He was running out of time.
He shifted on the bleachers, bracing his arms on his thighs, and tried to push away the dread that had been plaguing him since he’d gotten the email yesterday morning. An email he hadn’t had the guts to tell Liv about yet. Billings was going to be in Austin for meetings and wanted to see Finn this afternoon after he was done.
Flying in tomorrow. Let’s meet up. I’ve got some news that will interest you. Send me a meeting place for later in the day.
Finn had told him where he’d be, but it wasn’t a mystery what the news was about. Billings wouldn’t bother driving all the way out here to tell Finn to his face that he was going to be put on desk duty. They were going to give him the all clear. Billings was coming to give him the good news. Finn would be sent back into the field.
It was what he’d been working toward. What he’d wanted. Why he was here in the first place.
He felt sick inside.
Laughter traveled across the field and made Finn look up. Rey had taken off his shirt and was doing a ridiculous strongman pose. Liv was laughing. A genuine laugh. Finn’s teeth clenched. He wasn’t surprised about the lack of shirt. Liv’s project would show the scars, and Rey’s were on his stomach. Finn had been with her on a number of shoots in the past few weeks. He knew the drill. But a sharp stab of annoyance went through him. The guy could take off his shirt. He didn’t need to flirt.
Rey playfully tapped Liv on the arm with a faux punch, and the annoyance turned into a pit in Finn’s gut. He stood up, ready to insert himself into the situation, show Rey that Liv already had what she needed. But before he took a step, he sat his ass back down, the old bleachers groaning beneath him.
Liv didn’t have what she needed.
What right did he have to be annoyed? Liv was talented and beautiful and smart. He hadn’t offered her anything permanent. Rey could be the type of guy she sought out after Finn was gone. She’d said it herself. She wasn’t ruling out marriage and kids anymore. They weren’t getting any younger. Finn would probably be gone for years again. And there were never any guarantees he’d come back.
Finn closed his eyes, images of Liv with someone else flickering through his mind like his own personal horror movie. Liv calling out some other man’s name in passion. Liv in a white dress for someone else. Liv holding a baby who looked like some other dude. Liv loving someone else.
That was what he should want for her. That was what she deserved. But… He clasped his hands behind his neck, the pain going through him like a rusty knife, twisting, twisting.
He tried to breathe through it. This summer, he’d been so worried about hurting Liv that he’d forgotten she didn’t just lose him—he lost her, too.
For good. Forever.