She set the rosemary down and hooked her arms around his neck. “So, what’s with the glum look then, Agent Dorsey? We should be celebrating. We survived. No panic attacks. No punching out your dad. I love your sister. And your mom is pretty great. I think she likes me.”
He let out a breath, unable to resist the pull of her enthusiasm. He kissed the top of her head. “Of course she likes you. You’re amazing.”
“I know, right?”
He chuckled despite himself.
“But next time, we better show up with something better than a dusty bottle of tequila,” she warned. “This isn’t really a margarita crowd.”
Next time. The words hit him right in the sternum. He leaned back and cupped her face, guilt spreading through him like an oil slick. She looked so happy right now, so confident and content. Hopeful.
What was he doing, dragging her into this? Bringing her to visit his family? Making her like his mom and vice versa? All when this would probably be the only time she’d ever have a meal here. There would be no next time.
He’d leave again. Leave his family. Leave her. This was a farce. Playacting. He’d been too much of a coward to face his family on his own, and he’d taken advantage of Liv’s generous spirit. He’d used her. Made it seem like this was real, like this was going somewhere. Even let himself believe it for a little while.
Just like high school.
Yes, they’d said all the right words upfront. She knew it was only for the summer, blah, blah, blah. But then he’d shown her something different. Without realizing it, he was doing what he did in his undercover work. Acting as if this was the reality. But it wasn’t. And this time, if he didn’t do something to fix it, the people who could get hurt weren’t the bad guys.
He was the bad guy.
chapter
TWENTY-THREE
Liv stepped out of the bathroom and found Finn standing at the bedroom window in just his pajama pants, looking out at the trees. Even in profile, she could see the dark look on his face. Since they’d left his parents’ house, he’d been quiet and tense. She hadn’t heard what he and Rebecca were talking about when she’d walked up on them, but she had a feeling it was responsible for his mood.
She stepped up behind him and pressed a kiss between his shoulder blades. He inhaled a slow breath and let her wrap her arms around his waist, layering his arms on top.
“Hey,” he said quietly.
“Hey.” She pressed her cheek to his back. “Ready to talk about it yet?”
His muscles shifted against her. “Talk about what?”
“Whatever it is that has you brooding. Did you decide you’re really into Rebecca instead and need to dump me?” she asked, trying to lighten the mood. “Because I can go back to the guesthouse.”
“Stop.”
“Then tell me what’s going on. I can’t even enjoy this sexy view of half-naked man because I can feel sexy man is upset about something.”
He rubbed his thumb over the top of her knuckles. “I’ve just been thinking.”
“Ah, a dangerous venture. What about?”
He continued to stroke her absently, back and forth, back and forth, like he was a million miles away. “About how you’re doing all this stuff from your letter.”
She frowned, not sure where he was going with this. “What about it?”
“I know it’s supposed to be about going after what you want. But what is it that you really want? Like have-a-magic-wand-and-make-it-happen want?” He paused, his heartbeat a steady thump against her cheek. “It can’t be this.”
She lifted her head, wary. “This?”
He extricated himself from her hold and turned to face her, his eyes searching hers. “Yes. This. Quitting your job and shacking up with some guy who’s at best a temporary distraction and at worst someone who’s going to hurt you and leave you worse off than he found you.”
She flinched, even though the words were delivered quietly. “That’s what you think you are?”
“What else could I be, Liv?” he asked in a resigned voice. “I’m a guy who goes on jobs and doesn’t come home for years.