“Your parents were having that party.”
Ren groaned. “Yeah a big family thing. My personal nightmare. All these people wanted to talk to me, welcome me home. But I couldn’t even fake normal. I couldn’t see how I’d ever fit in to that again, so I hid in my room. Then Gordon called.”
Hayes grimaced. “That psychopath had radar for knowing when you were vulnerable.”
“Yeah. He said all the right things that night. Apologies. Promises. And even knowing that half of it was lies, that felt more normal than what I was having to deal with at my house.” Ren took another swallow of the whiskey, remembering that cajoling voice in his ear. You don’t have to pretend with me, baby. You can be who you’re supposed to be. Mine. I’ll take care of you. Come home with me. “My mind was still twisted up with him. I remember thinking, At least with him I know what to do. Just listen and obey and fuck how and who he told me to. I didn’t have to worry about more than that.”
Hayes looked up at that, his gaze haunted. “I was outside sneaking a cigarette and saw you jumping out your window with a backpack.” He shook his head. “I knew exactly what you were doing. God, I was so fucking pissed at you.”
Ren smiled at the memory. So this was his almost-killed-someone story? Ren believed him. He could still see a lanky seventeen-year-old Hayes coming out of the shadows, smoke curling around him. They’d developed a tentative friendship at that point. He’d told Hayes about Gordon one night when they’d gotten drunk on cheap rum. About how he’d fallen for this older, rich guy and had run away with him, thinking he was going on some kinky adventure where he didn’t have to worry about disappointing his parents or failing in school. But a few months into running away, he’d realized Gordon had pulled a bait and switch. Ren had found himself trapped in a fucked-up, abusive relationship masking as BDSM. Gordon had groomed him, made him the perfect slave, made Ren love him, mindfucked him to the nth degree. Then he’d started lending Ren out and charging men for the privilege. All to prove just how completely he’d owned Ren. It’d been a year before a cop had recognized Ren on the street from a flyer and picked him up as a runaway.
And even after getting returned home, Ren still hadn’t labeled Gordon as the enemy in his mind. But Hayes certainly hadn’t had a problem telling Ren what a psycho the guy was. So when Hayes had caught Ren sneaking out, he’d known where Ren was going. And he wasn’t going to let it happen.
Hayes had shoved Ren against the wall, tossed Ren’s cell phone in the bushes, and asked him what the hell he thought he was doing. Ren shook his head. “You told me if I was so desperate for someone to tell me what to do, you could do that. Then you informed me that I’d be sleeping in your bed that night.”
Hayes mouth curled at the corner, a hint of pride there. “And you listened. I was always meant to be a dom.”
“Yeah, well, I thought this hot guy was coming on to me. A scandalous, angry fuck with the neighbor suddenly sounded like a good alternative plan to going back to my demented ex. I didn’t figure out until you got me over there that you really meant for me to just go to sleep. Fucking tease.”
Hayes sniffed. “I didn’t realize how what I’d said had come across until you got to my house and asked if I had condoms.”
“You should’ve seen your face,” Ren said with a smirk. “So scandalized. And so annoyingly straight.”
“Not that straight. The first hour I laid there next to you, I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. I spent the first part of that night freaking out that I was hard as a rock over a dude.”
Ren leaned onto his forearms, this new revelation sending a curling warmth through him. “Yeah? Damn. I wish I would’ve known. I so would’ve handled that for you. I could have taken your bi-virginity.”
Hayes met his eyes. “That would’ve been a more fun use of our time. I stayed up all night instead because I was scared you’d bolt. I could see you still had Gordon’s shackles on you even though you’d left him. I knew if you saw him again, you’d go back.”
Ren frowned and traced the rim of his glass with the tip of his finger. “Inescapable destiny.”
“More than you realize,” Hayes said quietly. “He came for you that night.”
Ren’s attention snapped upward. “What?”
“I never told you because I didn’t want you to be tempted. I was still awake and saw someone pull up on the side of your house. Real polished-looking dude in an Audi. Wearing a tie at one in the goddamned morning.”
Ren stared at him, stunned. “He came to my family’s house?”
Hayes dipped his head. “I saw him out there, staring at your window, probably checking for an alarm system to see if he could get in or lure you out with some bullshit sweet talk. And I looked at you sleeping in my bed and, I don’t know, I had this protective surge and all this rage welled up. I’d watched my dad manipulate my mom for so many years when I was growing up, watched how easily she’d get drawn back in when he showed the smallest of kindnesses after being such a dick to her. I just . . . I reacted. I found my dad’s gun and stalked across the street like a goddamned lunatic.”
Ren couldn’t even form words. He grabbed a stool and collapsed onto it.
&n
bsp; “He never saw me coming.” Hayes looked toward the hallway, eyes unfocused. “I put the gun to his head, told him if he ever came within ten miles of you again, I would kill him. And that if he didn’t get back in his fancy car and leave for good, I was calling in his license plate number and reporting his pedophile ass.”
“Jesus, Hayes. You could’ve gotten yourself killed. Gordon was . . . What the fuck were you thinking?” Ren scraped a hand through his hair, old fear grabbing him. Fear of what could’ve been. He’d seen Gordon beat the shit out of those who didn’t fall in line. And the man had always carried a weapon. “What did he do?”
Hayes turned to look at him. “He was a smug son of a bitch. Called me ‘kid’ and told me you’d never be free of him. That every time you gave yourself to me, you’d be thinking of him, performing the tricks he taught you how to do. That he’d taken the good parts of you and left just a pretty fuck toy behind.”
Ren’s insides twisted. That kick of insecurity, that seed of doubt Gordon had continuously sowed, was like a phantom limb. The belief was no longer there, but the memory lingered—you’re nothing without me. He gripped the edge of the counter and shotgunned the rest of his drink. “Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?”
Hayes looked down at his hands, his fingers white against the glass. “Because back then, I was afraid you’d believe it. I knew it wasn’t true. I saw how special you were, how talented. I always saw that. I knew you’d come out of it and be successful. But I also knew I’d never use you like that scum had. I’d never put you in that situation no matter how badly I wanted to touch you sometimes.”
Ren pinched the bridge of his nose, all the information almost too much to take in.
“That’s why I’ve always kept that line between us,” Hayes said. “Not because I couldn’t imagine being with you that way. Not because we were in business together. But because I didn’t want to be another person to use you. And if I’d taken you up on the offer you made a few weeks ago, I would’ve been using you.”