She closed her eyes. There. She’d finally said it. He would know. She was a fraud.
Her phone dinged.
Dmitry: Have you lied to me? In any of the conversations we’ve had. In any of the things we’ve done.
Lenore: No.
Dmitry: Then you’re just as much Lenore as you are the person the world knows. There’s nothing average about you. I see you, L. Even if I have no idea what you really look like. I see you and that’s all that matters to me.
The words brought unexpected tears to her eyes. The screen blurred and she had to blink to clear her vision. God.
Lenore: And you? Who have you shown me?
Dmitry: Me. This is the only place where I can let my guard down. You’re the only person who sees this. I’ve never lied to you. But my life is complicated and there’s no room for this part of me in it.
The words seemed so final, so . . . sad.
Lenore: Why?
Dmitry: That’s one of those things I can’t answer. And it’s the reason that I can’t tell you not to go out with this guy. You deserve to be taken on dates and touched and cared for. You deserve more than this.
Lenore: And you don’t?
There was another long pause.
Dmitry: I know we’re not playing tonight, but I’m going to give you a command. You ready?
Cora didn’t feel ready at all. A cold feeling was creeping through her. But what else could she say?
Lenore: Okay.
Dmitry: You’re going to be careful and smart. But you’re going to tell this guy yes. And you’re not going to think about me. Or feel guilty. Don’t waste that emotion on me. You’re going to go and live your life in the real world. You’re ready for that. You are kinky. Embrace that. And when you find a deserving guy, your submission will be a gift and he’ll be the luckiest bastard around.
Her throat tightened and she started to type, her thumbs moving quickly over the screen, but his next response came up before she could finish.
Dmitry: You’ll never have any idea what you’ve given me these last few months. There aren’t words. But I can’t and won’t let this keep you from living your life. Or even distract you from it.
She shook her head but her fingers were frozen against her phone.
Dmitry: I’m releasing you, L.
The simple words were like a linebacker hitting her chest, knocking the air from her. She didn’t know what to say or how to react. He was releasing her. He was letting her go. All the months of talking to him almost every night, of having this secret relationship, this respite. And he was ending it.
She forced her fingers to move.
Lenore: This is because I’m not a supermodel, right?
She’d meant it to be snarky, her defenses trying to rally in the face of this unexpected blow. But he was silent for a long time and she started to wonder if that was the truth. Maybe he was trying to find a graceful way to bail now that he knew she was just an average girl. Maybe he was trying to feed her some bullshit to make himself look self-sacrificing. She was working herself up into a righteous anger by the time his response came.
Dmitry: No. This is because you deserve more than this. And because I don’t get to fall for a girl like you.
Her whole body stilled.
Lenore: Don’t walk away like this. We don’t have to stop talking.
Dmitry: No, we really do. Take care of yourself, L. And don’t settle. You’re worthy of devotion. I wish I could be there to give you mine.
Tears slipped down her face and she started to respond but a message came up instead.