Dmitry: And you want it to.
Lenore: . . .
Dmitry: Honesty, L.
She exhaled, the truth heavy in her gut.
Lenore: Yes.
Dmitry: Is he dominant?
Lenore: Yes.
Nothing appeared on the screen for a good long while, her response glaring there in black and white. But finally words popped up.
Dmitry: Is he a decent guy?
Lenore: I think so.
Dmitry: That’s good, L. You deserve more than what I’m able to give you over the phone and in the game.
The response surprised her. And even though it was just print on a screen, she sensed a sadness to them. A resignation.
Lenore: But part of me feels like it’d be betraying you. That sounds a little crazy, I know. I guess I’m not good at drawing clear lines between virtual and real life.
Dmitry: If it helps, I’m so jealous of this guy I want to punch something. I’m pacing my house right now to avoid damaging a wall. I feel possessive. But it’s not fair for me to put any restrictions on you.
A warm feeling crept through her chest at that. It helped to know that he felt jealous. She wasn’t the only one who’d let the virtual bleed into real life. There were real emotions involved on both sides.
Lenore: We’re a pair, aren’t we?
Dmitry: A mess.
She let her fingers rest lightly against her phone. They’d had so many of these late-night conversations. Many had been sexual, but many others had been like this. Personal. Honest. This was what made it harder to find the boundary lines. If it were just sex, she’d be able to drop it. But somehow along the way, they’d developed more.
But she didn’t know where they went from here. They were both getting in deeper than planned and things were getting complicated. She wasn’t good at juggling. She could rationalize having a virtual-only sex life when she didn’t want to make time for dating and had no real-life prospects. But she didn’t know how she could justify shutting out real-life attraction when it fell in her lap in order to be loyal to someone she’d never get to meet. Or someone who she could meet and find they had no chemistry or that he was married or twenty years older than she was.
They were at a crossroads and the only way she could figure they could navigate it was brutal honesty. So she typed the question she’d been afraid to ask all along.
Lenore: Why do you do this?
Dmitry: Talk to you?
Lenore: No. Hayven. You seem experienced and knowledgeable and you’re funny and sexy on the phone. What’s keeping you from having a relationship in person?
Dmitry: Do you really want to go there, L? Do you want to have to answer the same question?
She frowned. They’d set up parameters early on. No real-life stuff. No identifying information. This is just a game. But she was tired of not knowing.
Lenore: I’ll answer it. I’m here because my dating life sucked. And I think I could be kinky but am terrified to try it, to risk getting involved with someone who could hurt me or take advantage of the situation or shame me for my desires. It’s hard to tell the bad guys from the good ones.
Dmitry: So you wanted to be safe.
Lenore: Yes. And I wanted to feel sexy. I’m . . .
She took a deep breath, trying to force herself to finish the words.
Lenore: just an average woman. I’m no supermodel. I don’t turn heads. And I’m no Lenore.