He looked at her then, really looked at her. Despite the fierce determination in her eyes, she was trembling. This was Oakley’s brave face. He stepped forward, putting his hands on her upper arms and rubbing them, trying to comfort her in the midst of his own anxiety attack. “Baby, we need to take a breath here—both of us—and not let our emotions run away with us. I hear what you’re saying about what happened with Reagan, I do. I hate that you had to go through that, and I want to beat down the guy who took advantage of you and put you through it. But this is a different situation entirely. I talked to the pharmacist. This just prevents the pregnancy from happening. It doesn’t end one that’s already there. It’s not the same decision you were faced with back then.”
Tears slipped down her cheeks, tearing his goddamned heart out, but he had to say his piece.
“I get that this is bringing up a lot of stuff for you, but think through this. Do you really want to take this risk right now? You’re on the way to a promotion. You’re getting settled into the life you want with Reagan. A pregnancy—a baby—would blow that up. Neither of our lives are equipped for this.”
She looked down at the floor, her body still trembling beneath his hold. Her voice was soft when she spoke. “I’m giving you your out, Pike. Take it. This is your pill.”
The words stabbed into him and twisted. That’s what she expected him to do? If she got pregnant, she thought he was the type of guy who would walk away and leave her saddled with his child. Like he was no better than his father or the men who’d come and gone out of his mother’s life.
He reached
down and cupped her chin, lifting her face to him. “Is that what you really think of me? That if you went through with a pregnancy, I’d bail on my kid and leave you to foot the bill. Just go on with my life like it never fucking happened?”
She held his gaze, a slight wince crinkling her eyes, but she didn’t refute the accusation.
That stung even deeper than he expected.
“Jesus, if that’s what you think of me, I don’t know why you’d let me in your house, much less your bed.” He stepped back and crossed his arms, anger simmering up now. “Or maybe you just wouldn’t want someone like me to be involved. I’m just supposed to be the hookup, right? The guy to get off with but not one you’d want around for too long.”
“Pike …”
“You know what, screw it.” He grabbed his keys from the counter. He needed to get out of there. The room felt too small, the air too stifling. “It’s your body, your decision. But know that if you get pregnant, it’s our baby. You’ll have to deal with me for the rest of your life. No way my kid is going to lie in bed at night wondering why his daddy isn’t around. I’ve been that fucking kid. It sucks.”
Oakley stared at him like he’d spoken a foreign language.
“I’ll drop your car off within the hour.”
With that, he strode past her to the back door so he could avoid going by Reagan and stormed out of the house, his heartbeat booming in his ears. When he got in his truck, his lungs felt as if they couldn’t expand and he was sweating all over. He drove to his studio, parked in the back, and let the full brunt of the panic roll through him, ugly, awful sensations choking him.
Worst part was he had no idea what was freaking him out more. That Oakley might become pregnant. Or that he’d just lost the one girl who’d made him feel something.
He rested his forehead against the steering wheel just as his phone dinged with a text.
He reached out and grabbed it, hoping it was Oakley, hoping that maybe this could turn around, but instead Braxton’s picture was displayed. He clicked on the message.
Braxton: We landed the fucking Wanderlust tour! Scooooore! Call me.
Pike stared at the words, the news he’d so long awaited there on the screen. But he couldn’t find an ounce of excitement in it.
He tossed the phone on the seat.
Maybe Oakley had been right. What the hell did he have to offer a kid? There were things he was good at. Staying in one place wasn’t one of them.
Maybe he wasn’t that different from his dad after all.
TWENTY-FIVE
Oakley tried to focus on the kids as they rehearsed one of the songs in Pike’s studio. None of them could stay still or on key, the excitement of being in a real studio too much to contain. But they had limited time here today and needed to make the most of it. She had to take control and calm them down. But she was having trouble doing that when she couldn’t calm herself.
Pike was there, helping with everything, guiding the kids, but she and Pike may as well have been strangers sharing the same room. They’d only talked once since that morning in the kitchen—and even then, it’d only been through text. He’d wanted to know when she would know for sure if she was pregnant or not. She’d told him at least two weeks. Now a week had passed and the only interaction they’d had was during rehearsals.
She’d pushed him away, so she wasn’t surprised he was keeping his distance. She’d basically told him that if she got pregnant, the child didn’t really need him in its life. She’d seen the hurt those words had inflicted. You’re not needed. You’re not worthy. That kid who’d been discarded by his family had surfaced. And she’d felt like an absolute bitch for doing that to him.
That hadn’t been her intention. She’d wanted to give him his freedom. She knew her decision not to take the pill wasn’t logical or fair to him. She’d taken the choice completely out of his hands, so she’d wanted him to know he still had one. But her words had come out all wrong.
She had expected him to be thankful for the out, to walk away with clean hands. But he’d declared the exact opposite. If there was a baby, he’d be involved somehow, a part of the child’s life. She had no idea what to make of that, but it both comforted her and terrified her. She wouldn’t be all alone this time. But she’d have Pike in her life indefinitely. She’d have to watch him live his life, date other people, move on. All while raising a new baby …
God. The thought of another baby had kept her awake at night for a week. She’d made double money at the night job because as long as she was taking calls, she wasn’t thinking about everything else. When things got quiet, the blind terror came. She had no idea how she was going to manage a baby. Those first few years with Rae had been so impossibly hard.