“I’ve got it.” Stir, stir, stir. Her movements were harsh, too forceful—the only outward sign that she was probably freaking the fuck out inside.
He wanted to go over to her and wrap his arms around her, assure her everything was going to be fine, but with Reagan sitting there he couldn’t do any of it. He’d just have to wait for his chance to talk to her alone.
He did manage to walk over and lay the bag on the counter next to her. Her eyes slid to it. She grabbed it quickly and tucked it on a high shelf in the cabinet near the stove.
Reagan didn’t seem to notice the exchange. She was busy pouring them all glasses of orange juice. And as soon as Pike sat down at the table, Reagan started chatting. She told him and her mom all about camping and her harrowing bike ride. And she got all excited telling them about building the campfire and how Uncle Hunter had almost set the whole forest on fire trying to get one started. And then there was something about a one-eyed deer sighting.
For a kid who’d spent the night in the ER, she seemed fresh and spry this morning. And in a way, Pike was thankful for the running commentary. It kept him from jumping out of his skin while waiting to talk to Oakley. They all tucked into their breakfast, but he noticed Oakley mostly pushed her food around her plate. He didn’t have much of an appetite either, but he didn’t want either of them to think he was ungrateful for the invite.
When Rae was finished with all of hers, complete with a second helping of cheese grits, she asked her mom if she could have her video-game time. Oakley sent her on her way, and Pike started clearing the dishes. The minute he heard the game blaring in the living room, he walked over to shut the kitchen door then went to Oakley, grabbing her elbow. “Hey, you okay?”
She stilled, a frying pan in her hand. “I’m fine.”
“Look, I know it’s been a stressful morning, but everything’s going to be okay. You can take the pill now and you’ll be protected.”
She nodded. “Right.”
“Do you want me to get you some water?”
She turned at that, jaw tight. “Why? Want to make sure I take it?”
“I—” He stumbled on his words, surprised at the bite in her voice. “I mean, I just figured you’d want to take care of it as soon as possible. I think it’s supposed to be most effective within twenty-four hours.”
She set the pan down and crossed her arms over her chest. The pose would’ve normally looked tough, but instead it looked vulnerable, like she was trying to hold herself together. And sure enough, her eyes went shiny when she tried to talk.
“Hey,” he said, stepping closer, putting his hand on her arm. “What is it? Talk to me.”
She lowered her head, pinching the bridge of her nose and breathing deep like she was trying to not fall apart right in front of him. “I can’t do this, Pike.”
“You can’t what, baby? Can’t deal, can’t what?”
She shook her head. “I can’t take the pill.”
His stomach dropped and his throat went tight. “What do you mean? Are you allergic or something?”
She looked up, stark emotion in her eyes. Fear. Pain. “I mean I won’t take it.”
Everything inside him chilled, dread curling around his bones and gripping hard. “Oakley …”
She pressed her lips together, a tear falling over this time. She swiped at it roughly. “I was supposed to get rid of Reagan. When I found out I was pregnant, her father sent me home with a plane ticket and money for an abortion. I went to the clinic and was an hour away from doing it. If I hadn’t panicked at the last second … if I’d gone through with it …” She looked toward the living room, a million unspoken words on her face. “I just … I can’t.”
He stared at her for a long second, the reality of what she was saying taking time to line up in his head. But when the words finally fell into order, he nearly bent over with the impact. “Oakley, you can’t mean to risk … I mean, we can’t, I don’t—”
“It wouldn’t be your problem.”
He leaned back against the counter, gripping it for support. “What?”
“The chances of anything happening are slim. But it’s my choice not to take the pill, so it will be my situation to deal with. I’m not going to expect anything from you, so you can relax.”
“Relax?” he said, working hard to keep his voice down. “What? You get pregnant and then I just fucking brush off the fact that there’s this kid out there who’s mine?”
Kid. Mine. Jesus Christ. The world spun in his vision for a moment, and he gripped the counter harder.
She tipped her face toward the ceiling like she was asking for some divine intervention. “Come on, Pike. I know this situation sucks—it may not even be a situation. But if it is, what are you suggesting as an alternative?” She met his eyes. “All of a sudden you’d be down with being a father? How would that work? You’d stop in during tour breaks for a visit?”
He raked a hand through his hair, fisting the strands. Panic was rising to drowning level, stealing his air. “God, I don’t know, Oakley. But what about you? You’re not set up for another kid. You already have your hands full.”
“I’d figure it out. I always do.” The words were strong but her voice shook when she said them.