“Confusing?” she asked, the word like a dagger. “Because what? I might get romantic notions?” She shook her head and scooted off the bed. “Don’t worry, Grant. I’m far from confused. And I’m not stupid.” She held her arms out to her sides. “I’m in a room you built specifically to fuck women. I’m not deluding myself into thinking that I’m special or that you have feelings for me or something. We had sex. We kissed. Big deal. Now, is the shower ready?”
Her speech had part of him wanting to grab her and tie her back down to the bed, show her that she wasn’t some notch on his bedpost. But having her think that was better than her knowing about all the riotous emotions she kicked up in him, all the ugly stuff that kiss had brought to the surface. He needed to get through this night and find his bearings again. “Towels are in the bottom cabinet.”
“Great.” She turned on her heel and headed to the bathroom, closing the door none-too-gently behind her. The sound of the lock turning echoed through the barn.
She’d shut him out.
God, he was an asshole.
Charli walked outside through the main door of the barn, freshly showered and wearing the jeans and T-shirt she’d packed in her bag. She’d never been more ready in her life to be alone. The overwhelming sex had been enough to process, but Grant’s kiss and subsequent retreat had her gray matter scrambled. She had so many clashing emotions going through her that her chest hurt more than the welts on her back.
She spied Grant sitting on a tree stump, staring out over the grounds, his forearms braced on his thighs. He somehow looked lost and right at home all at the same time—like being lost was his status quo. She took a deep breath, determined not to have another ridiculous emotional outburst in front of him, and headed his way.
He looked over at her when her shoe snapped a twig, his expression somber. “Hey.”
She stuck her hands in her pockets, awkwardness filling the air around them. “Hey.”
He turned his head, staring back out into the night. “I’m sorry I screwed things up tonight. I don’t want you thinking that you’re just another body to warm my bed. It’s not like that.”
She forced a casual shrug. “You told me upfront what this was. I wasn’t expecting a fairy tale.”
“Still doesn’t excuse how I acted. It had nothing to do with you. Tonight was the best night I’ve had in a really long time.”
She rolled a pebble under her shoe, contemplating his words. There was so much he wasn’t telling her. She could feel whatever it was like a thick fog between them. When he’d pulled away from their kiss, he’d looked horrified. She should probably let it lie, but too many questions hung in the air. How was she supposed to go on with this ignoring that? “Grant, I need to know what happened in there.”
He didn’t look at her. “Nothing you need to worry about.”
She pressed her lips together, counting to three before she spoke. “So all that shit about trust only applies to me? I’m supposed to trust you to tie me up, hit me, and put myself in your hands, but you can’t even tell me why you freaked out over a simple kiss?”
He rubbed his palms on his jeans, staying quiet for a few long moments, then his shoulders dipped in resignation. “Have you ever made a promise to someone, Charli? Not something offhanded, but a real promise?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” She’d promised her dad before he died that she’d go after her dream and not let anything stop her. That was going swimmingly. “Why?”
She thought he may have not heard her, but after a few moments, Grant finally looked at her, pain etching his features. “Well, that kiss broke a promise I’ve kept for a really long time.”
The simple statement sucked all the wind out of her anger.
She knew then, recognized the grief, had seen it on her brothers’ faces and in her own reflection when their dad has passed away. “You lost someone.”
He stood, giving her a sad smile. “No, freckles, I lost everything. The wife I loved, an unborn son, and the life I thought I’d live.”
Her heart fissured in her chest, the rawness in his admission making tears burn in her throat. A hundred questions popped into her head. What had happened? When had it happened? How? But those answers were inconsequential. All that mattered was the anguish she could see weighing down Grant’s every limb. She stepped forward, wanting to touch him, wanting to do something to make it better, but unsure if he’d welcome her sympathy. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have pried.”
He sighed as he reached out to grab her waist, tucking her against his chest and sitting his chin on top of her head. “It’s okay. You deserved an explanation after I acted like a jackass tonight. Now you know.”
I’m broken. He didn’t say the words, but she heard them just the same.
“We don’t have to continue this if it’s bringing up bad stuff for you,” she said, even though the thought of walking away from him already had regret strumming through her.
He angled back, looking down at her, a little smile trying to form on his lips even though the sadness still lingered in his eyes. “Oh, you’re not getting off the hook that easily. You’ve got too much to learn. I’ll be fine. I’ve lived with this a long time. Training will recommence tomorrow. I promise my past won’t interfere again.”
Author: Roni LorenShe returned his smile, but a gnawing worry settled in her stomach. She was going to have to get a hold of her emotions ASAP, because if she had any more nights like tonight, she was in deep shit. Grant was already seeping under her guards, and even if she was discovering she could appreciate a little physical pain, she wasn’t up for emotional annihilation.
She could hold her own in a lot of competitions, but she’d never win against the dead love of his life.
EIGHTEEN
Grant leaned against the doorframe of Charli’s cabin, fighting a chuckle as she teetered out from the bedroom on a pair of black heels. She looked smoking hot in the outfit he’d brought over. The snug gray pencil skirt hugged her hips just right and the tissue-thin silk blouse gave him a delicious glimpse of the lacy white bra she wore underneath. But the shoes, once again, were getting the best of her.