Mine.
When both their groans eased to soft panting, he let his head drop and ended up forehead to forehead with her, enjoying the quiet between them. Quivers continued to drift through them, gentle vibrations rolling over them as their bodies absorbed the aftershocks of their shared orgasm. They remained that way for a while, their heartbeats and breath slowing together, synchronizing…and then she reached up and touched his cheek.
He lifted his head to find her looking at him with soft eyes. She drew the pad of her thumb over his stubble. “Grant.”
A simple word, but something cracked open inside him, her tenderness and his whispered name on her lips too much to bear. He no longer had the strength to stop himself—even when he knew it was the stupidest and cruelest move he could make.
He lowered his head, and he kissed her.
Kissed her like he meant it.
Because he did.
SEVENTEEN
Grant deepened the kiss as Charli’s fingers threaded through his hair. Her lips were as soft as he’d imagined, her mouth hot and yielding. He wanted to lose himself in the kiss, to mold her against him and spend the rest of the night tangled up with her, idly exploring each other. But as he stroked his tongue along hers, images of the last woman he’d kissed filled his mind, pushing out the blissful moment of a second before. Raw emotion scraped at his insides, ugly guilt slashing at him. No, no, no. He broke off the kiss, pulling away as the massive barn seemed to close in around him.
Charli looked up at him with questions in her eyes. He pushed himself up and off of her, his heart thumping way too hard.
“Let me get you out of these.” He turned abruptly to uncuff her legs, fumbling with the first one, his hands unsteady, his mind whirling.
Charli sat up on her elbows. “Is everything okay?”
He put his back to her and worked on the second cuff. Run. Run. Run. “It’s fine. I’ll get you out of these and then get the shower started so you can get cleaned up.”
The cuff opened and the bed shifted as she pulled her legs toward her. He turned to find her hugging her knees to her chest and looking down at her toes. A little shiver went over her.
Fuck. He was being the world’s worst dom. Her first big scene and instead of providing her with a cuddle and aftercare, he was in the middle of a goddamned panic attack. He took a deep breath, trying to get oxygen to his malfunctioning brain, and got up to grab robes from the drawer in the armoire and to shut off the music.
He donned one of the robes, then sat on the edge of the bed and wrapped the other one around her. He cupped her cheek, turning her face toward him, and forced his voice to sound calm. “You did beautifully, Charlotte. Perfect. Thank you for trusting me to take you that far.”
She nodded and her eyes went shiny. She swiped at the tears with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry. I have no idea why I’m crying. I feel ridiculous.”
“Don’t apologize.” He brushed a thumb over her cheek, then backed off when he saw his hands were still shaking. “Sometimes coming back down can do that. The whole thing can be overwhelming for a sub.”
And the dom, he thought, anxiety rising in him like high tide. He lowered his hand to his side.
She tucked her arms into the sleeves of the robe and pulled it more tightly around herself, her entire posture closing to him. “That makes sense.” She gave him a tight smile. “And a shower sounds great. That was a…thorough lesson.”
Right, a lesson, that’s what this was supposed to be. But if that were truly the case, he wouldn’t feel so damn gutted right now. This had been a mistake. He should’ve known better than to take a chance with Charli. From the start, something about her had tested his control, had made him lose sight of his rules.
He’d fucking kissed her. He hadn’t kissed anyone in over a decade. His throat felt like it had a fist closing around it. “I’ll be right back.”
He left her side, forcing himself to walk normally and not rush into the bathroom like he wanted to. When he reached it, he shut the door, pressed his back against it, and dragged his hands over his face. Sweat slicked his palms and his heart refused to slow down. Calm the fuck down. It was just a kiss.
He closed his eyes, expecting to see Rachel’s face waiting there. But for the first time in as long as he could remember, he couldn’t conjure up her image. Charli’s worried expression dominated his vision instead. And that made him feel shittier than anything else could’ve. He’d screwed up everything tonight—breaking the vow he’d made to Rachel’s memory and failing to provide Charli with the best experience she could have.
He needed to fix this. Now. He went to the sink, splashed some water on his face and got his breathing back to normal. Remembering what he was supposed to be doing in here, he turned on the shower to warm it up for Charli.
When he made his way back to the bed, Charli looked like she wanted to be anywhere but there. “You sure everything’s okay? Did I do something wrong?”
“No, of course not.” He sat on the edge of the bed with a heavy sigh. “It was me who did something wrong. I’m sorry I kissed you, Charli.”
He didn’t miss the wince she tried to hide. “Why are you sorry?” She attempted a smile. “Am I that horrible of a kisser?”
“No, of course not.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s just, I got carried away. I shouldn’t have done something…confusing.”
She stared at him, her smile sinking, and the room seeming to chill around them.