Why was she pushing at him like this? This wasn’t her. She didn’t like confrontation. She should be grateful to him. He was trying to help her.
It wasn’t his fault he didn’t care about her as much as she did him. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t love her.
Oh fuck.
She wanted his love. She wanted it all. She wanted to live here in this house, with him, to sleep in his bed each night, to have him fuck her, dominate her, and cherish her.
And she’d never have it. She had no right to want more. To get angry at him because he couldn’t give that to her. They had a contract that would end when she left. This wasn’t a happy ever after situation. She might be a bit pissed that he wanted her to confess every thought in her head while he gave her little back, but he was doing it to help her.
And that was all it was. It wasn’t a relationship. Not a real one. He wasn’t her boyfriend. Wasn’t even her lover. He didn’t sleep with her because they didn’t have a relationship—they had an arrangement.
“I’m sorry, Sir. I had no right to say that to you. I know you’re just trying to help me. You’re under no obligation to tell me anything in return. I’m so sorry.” She felt close to tears. There was a huge knot in her stomach that burned.
Sometimes she thought she was destined to always be on the outside, looking in. But in these circumstances, it wasn’t fair for her to complain. He was giving her exactly what he’d promised. He was showing her what it was like to submit. He gave her a few hours each day where everything went silent and she could just be.
She should be thanking him, not trying to make him angry.
“So sorry. So sorry.” She kept her gaze lowered.
“Sh, easy, baby. Hey, it’s okay.”
“I’m sorry. I’m a terrible submissive. I shouldn’t have said any of that. I’m—”
“Enough,” he growled. “No more apologies, understand? There are just things I can’t tell you. Things you can’t know.”
; “It’s okay, Sir. You don’t need to explain.” She clenched her hands together. “I understand.” She needed to get out of there. To leave before she lost it. Or before he could tell her to go. She didn’t think she could bear that. For him to tell her it was over.
“I wish I’d known the appointment had been changed so I could have been there with you.”
She was happy to have him think that was the only reason she was upset. She certainly didn’t want to have to explain that it was more than that. That she knew she wasn’t enough for him and that was why he didn’t want to sleep with her. Why he didn’t take more from her.
Never enough. Never right.
Oh, God, she needed to shut off the voice before he realized there was more going on there. She needed to get away from him.
“I had to do it on my own,” she told him, forcing a small smile for his benefit.
His gaze narrowed. Obviously, she wasn’t doing a very good job of pretending to be okay.
“You won’t be there at the trial. I have to be able to do this on my own. Without anyone holding my hand.”
“Maybe. But I could have been there for you afterwards. You should have called me.”
She blinked.
“It didn’t even occur to you, did it?” he asked darkly. “To call me and tell me you were struggling.”
“Alec—”
He was angry, but she wasn’t exactly sure why.
Doubts bubbled around inside her. “I have a headache.” It wasn’t a lie. Her head was pounding. But it was also a good excuse to get away from him. She needed some space.
“What?”
She reached up to rub her temple. “My head really hurts. I think I just need a good night’s sleep. Do you think we could skip tonight, and I could go to bed?”