“What? I thought that was set for tomorrow.”
“They moved it up a day. You weren’t here so West set me up on your computer. Hope that’s okay.”
“Of course it’s okay.” He’d stopped paddling her, at least, and was even rubbing her ass. The pain morphed into something far more pleasant and she started to relax even though she was still lying over his lap.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here, baby. It didn’t go well?”
“I . . . I think it went okay. But afterward . . . ” Shit. She hadn’t meant to mention afterward.
“Yes?” he pressed. He held the paddle against her ass when she didn’t answer. Shit.
“Afterwards I threw up,” she whispered.
Something fell against the floor. The paddle. And then she was right-side up in his lap. She winced as her hot ass met his hard lap.
“What? What did he say to you? Did he scare you? Give me his name.”
“What? Why?” She gaped at him.
“Because I’m going to call him and rip him a new one.” His eyes had darkened nearly to black, his jaw tense with anger.
She melted. “I’m okay, Sir. He didn’t scare me.”
He remained tense for a moment then he ran his fingers through the strands of her hair. “What made you feel ill?”
She shrugged, even though she knew he wasn’t going to accept that as an answer. “Talking about it all over again was a lot harder than I thought. I’ve spent so much of my time trying to forget. The other day when I told you, well, I was so angry it just came out. But he asked so many questions, making me think about it over and over. If I can’t handle just talking about it with him how am I going to handle it with Angelo in the same room with me?”
“Fuck. This is my fault.”
Okay, that wasn’t what she’d been expecting him to say. She leaned back to look up at him in puzzlement. “Um, I’m not sure how any of this could be your fault, Sir.”
“You have panic attacks and nightmares. You won’t agree to any more sessions with Molly. It’s eating you up, keeping it all locked up inside you. And yet I haven’t pushed you to talk about it. I didn’t do that, and it’s gotten to the point of making you physically ill.”
She shook her head. “You didn’t do this. You didn’t shoot my coworkers. You’re not the one trying to put a bullet in my brain. You didn’t murder my neighbor thinking it was me. You didn’t do any of that, Sir.”
He cupped the side of her face in his hand. “This is always going to be with you. A part of you, there’s no getting away from it. But you can’t let it eat you alive. You can’t let it darken who you are.”
Like something had to him? Because while she didn’t know much about his life, she got the sense that he was talking from prior experience. God, she wished she was brave enough to ask him. But she was too scared he’d tell her to get lost.
“This isn’t on you, Sir. It’s on me. I have to learn how to deal with this. I don’t like talking about it. I thought if I didn’t think about it then I could live with it.”
“Trust me, that’s no way to live. I know.”
“Something bad happened to you, didn’t it?” she whispered bravely.
He snorted. “If only it was one thing. But I don’t talk about that shit. And look at me. Look at what I’ve become. This is not what you want.”
“It isn’t? You have a family that worships the ground you walk on and would do anything for you.” Didn’t he know what he had? And how she’d kill for that?
He looked a little surprised at her words. Then his face closed down. “We’re not here to discuss me or my family.”
“No, you get to keep your secrets, but I’m expected to lay myself bare. Because you don’t want me to become as dark and twisted as you are? News flash, I’m not seeing much of the dark and twisted. Lonely and a little bitter, yes.”
“You want to watch what you say to me right now, little girl,” he told her in a dangerous voice that very nearly had her begging for forgiveness.
“You can spank me for it later,” she snapped back, uncaring for once. “You’re the one who keeps telling me to ask for what I need.”
“I don’t see much asking. I don’t see much respect for your Dom. I’m being lenient on you right now because you had a hard day, but I’m warning you not to push me any further.”