“I know.” What else could I say? Shit. “I’m sorry, Raine. I didn’t mean to scare you, especially…after…on the beach, when I…shit.”
“That didn’t scare me,” she scoffed. “You just…needed it.”
Yeah, I needed to fuck her senseless after she had been in danger of being gang-raped. I hadn’t asked her or anything I had just taken from her because I wanted it. Nice. What a fucking asshole.
“Why are you looking like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you are mentally beating yourself up.”
“Raine…shit.” I took a couple of deep breaths but couldn’t look her in the eye. “It just…proves I’m not…good enough for you.”
“Bastian, that doesn’t even…”
“I made you cry,” I said softly. The words hurt coming out of my throat.
“You didn’t make me cry,” Raine insisted.
“Why were you crying then?” I demanded. I didn’t know what she was trying to do – make me feel better for being a dick? I wasn’t going to put up with that shit. What I had done was…fucking horrible. It was probably worse than when I hit her.
I’m such a fucking asshole.
“It was just…everything,” Raine finally answered. “I was so…elated when I first saw them and realized they had seen me and they were going to land. When they got to the beach and came up to me, I knew something was wrong right away. I didn’t know where you were or when you would be back. They…they surrounded me.”
Her voice dropped low, and I pulled her closer to my chest.
“I didn’t know what to do,” she continued. “I knew I should scream in case you were close enough to hear me, but I couldn’t make any sounds. Then the one guy grabbed me and…and then you were there, and I knew I would be all right, but then he pulled me onto the boat, and you couldn’t get there…”
Her breath hitched, and her fingers pulled at my skin.
“How did you get on the boat? I couldn’t figure it out.”
“He didn’t pull in the anchor, so I went up the anchor line.”
“I’m glad you’re so strong,” she whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear. Her fingers traced over my bicep.
“At that point, I was too.”
Raine nodded before going on.
“Then I was in the water, and I couldn’t get to the surface at first. When I did, I heard you calling for me, and you got to me and held me…and then we were out again and you wouldn’t stop hitting…I didn’t think you would ever stop. There was so much blood, and I didn’t know if it was yours or theirs…You didn’t hear me even though I was yelling at you…”
She took a couple more deep breaths.
“Everything happened so fast. It was almost like watching a movie in fast forward. I thought they were going to…hurt me and you, too, but then all of a sudden, you had me and you were all right. You said you needed me…and I felt safe again. Afterwards, I think it just all kind of came crashing down on me. I was crying because of everything else…the stress of it all, I think, and the relief that it was over, not because you wanted to-”
“I didn’t even make you come,” I interrupted. “I used you.”
“You needed me,” Raine corrected, her hand on the side of my face again, turning me so I had to face her. “That’s not the same thing.”
“I took from you.”
“I gave to you.”
“Bullshit.”
“You listen to me, Sebastian Stark,” Raine suddenly snapped at me. She raised herself up so she was high enough to look down at me even though we were both lying on our sides. Her stare made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “Did I use you just now when I made you hold me and tell me I was safe?”