I knew he was checking to see if there were signs I wasn’t doing what I should be—that I wasn’t teaching Briar the way I needed to. I knew he was watching every movement I made and any shift of my eyes to see if I was becoming attached to her in a way that wasn’t allowed.
For a second, I’d even started to believe my detached words . . .
And then it had all gone to hell when the shopper came downstairs and handed me that crumpled piece of paper, announcing in front of William whose number it contained.
Kyle. Her fiancé.
William’s eyes had snapped to mine. “What is the meaning of this?” he’d demanded.
I’d tried to control my panic and my anger, but I knew it had leaked out as I’d jerked my head once in denial. “She’s been lying about having a fiancé ever since I got her.”
William had stood then and taken a calculating step toward me. “Get control of that girl, Lucas, or I will do it for you.” His eyes had drifted to the ceiling, then back to me. “I’ll expect an update on what follows me leaving this house.”
Another test. Another warning that made me want to hit him over and over again. Another reason for me to remember why I had to teach the girl on the floor above me a lesson for what she’d done—why I had to break her.
And I’d failed again.
I’d spent a lifetime doing things I despised. I’d had to in order to survive. I knew how to shut off what I was thinking and feeling in order to do what needed to be done. But this girl . . . this damn girl shook my very existence and made it impossible to block it all out.
“I hate myself.”
Her broken voice played through my mind on repeat, haunting me with images of the shattered expression in her eyes and what I would have done to her . . .
I sagged against my bedroom door when a distinctive ringtone started playing, and reached into my pocket to pull out my phone. One glance at the screen had rage burning so deep inside me I nearly smashed the phone into the nearest wall in the few seconds it took for me to answer.
“What?” I growled.
Silence.
“If you’re going to call me, then speak.”
“What’s happened?” It was a demand, not a question.
“Nothing.”
There was only a beat of silence before: “I can’t help you if I—”
“I said nothing,” I hissed.
But the curse that filled the other end of the phone let me know he didn’t believe my bullshit. “I can’t afford to have you losing your mind now. Not after everything we’ve gone through to get you to this point.”
A loud, mocking laugh tore from my chest and then died into nothing. “Don’t take so much credit for my life. And there’s nothing to worry about. He was here about fifteen minutes ago; it’s done.”
“We need to go over—”
“I said it’s done.” I hung up without allowing the man to respond then let my phone fall to the floor as I stumbled to my bed and sank onto the mattress.
Memories I’d kept locked away for years struck like a tidal wave, breaking me open and tormenting me. Every mistake I’d ever made—each day with Briar—was laid out before me, pulling me further and further down until all I knew was suffocating darkness. Drowning me.
I knew I deserved it—this destructive darkness. It was all I’d ever been and all I could ever be. And if I could’ve then, I would’ve laughed for even imagining I could have something as good as Briar Rose.
Not in this world or any other.
Chapter 19
Stupid Girl
Briar