She’d already suffered so much loss; been so hurt in her short life, I never want anything to touch her. If she lost mom’s love I knew it would hurt her. We were all she had. I took a deep breath and tried to find the right words. “Mom, I’m going to tell you something that you may not like. Please just hear me out before you say anything.”
I opened my mouth and the words just came. By the end I was giving her all the reasons why this was right. Why no one else could ever love Alexandra the way I do.
“Don’t you want us both to be happy? Mom, what the hell are you grinning at?” I was losing my shit and she was laughing her ass off. Not just laughing either, deep gut twisting unladylike guffaws. So unlike my genteel serene mother.
“Nothing, you should see your face.” She patted my cheek and got to her feet going back to what she was doing before I interrupted her. “And you’ve come here for my blessing I suppose.” She watered a plant like this shit was natural.
“I wasn’t thinking of it like that, but I guess. I wanted you to know before going public tonight.” She turned to look at me. “That’s my boy; you always were one to take the bull by his balls.”
“Mom.” What the fuck?
“Oh grow up. Anyway I have to let you in on a little secret.” Now I looked at her suspiciously.
“What?”
“I’m not surprised by what happened. In fact I kinda sorta helped.” Come again. “What are you saying?” She put down the water pot and wiped her hands on the cloth around her waist. “I’m saying that I’ve known for a very long time that that little girl was in love with you.”
“When she finally got brave enough to tell me a year or so ago I told her she was too young, that you would never even consider such a thing, but if she waited…” She shrugged her shoulders at me.
“Plus I wanted her to be sure that you’re what she wants. I knew if you two started anything and it didn’t work out it would shatter our family.”
“She stuck to her guns, but she respected my wishes and didn’t make a move, until her birthday.” It was taking me a while to catch up. I couldn’t believe my ears. Here I was thinking she was going to disown me and she’d been part of it.
“I helped her choose the dress.” She seemed proud of her damn self. “And the rest of it? Her making me crazy for the last six months?”
“Oh it worked on your dad so I thought what the hell. You can thank me later. Did she tell you about the wedding?” My guts tied itself in knots and my ears started ringing.
“Wedding?” I had a feeling I knew where this was going. Strange, while I was doing all that thinking that was the one thing that never entered my mind. I guess, because she was already mine in every way it didn’t seem that important.
“Yes of course. We’ve already started planning. Not to worry, I know how you feel about that stuff so Alexandra and I are going to handle everything our selves. You better get going if you’re going to your fancy dinner tonight.” She kissed my cheek and all but hustled me out the door.
What the fuck just happened in there? I looked back at the house as if seeing it for the first time. She knew? How the fuck did she know and I didn’t? Years? I tried to think back to the time before I first noticed the change. Could I really have been that blind?
Knowing what I do about her heart, all I could think of was the parade of women I’d had in and out of my life in that time. What must she have felt? I felt like the world’s biggest asshole as I headed for home. All this time I thought I was protecting her and I’d been the one hurting her. “I’ll make it up to you babydoll. I promise.” I ran my thumb over her smiling face on my telephone screen.
12
Solomon
I let the staff go as soon as I walked through the door and poured myself a drink as I waited for her to come home. Once alone, I finally had time to think about mom’s reaction and the things she’d said. I thought of the young girl I’d been responsible for all these years, and how the love we had for each other had changed in the last few days.
There was no question I was in love with her. All the way stupid in love, which left me with another problem. What the fuck do I know about being in love? Nothing! So far, I’ve been playing this shit by ear, just going with the feeling. Plus we hadn’t done anything but fuck since the big change; the fuck am I supposed to court a teenage girl?