“Yeah I’m good.” I got out and headed for the office missing her with every step. That invisible string was tugging at me hard. I felt the separation deep, like I had left something very essential behind.
This is probably why I’d avoided the relationship bullshit for so long. I have shit to do and all I could think of was Alexandra. Not just being inside her, but being with her. Smelling her, feeling her, breathing her in. Fucking kryptonite.
“Connie, hold dinner for tonight we’re going to be eating out.” I hung up after giving the cook that order. I’d spent the day between meetings thinking about what to do, what was best for her. I tried putting myself in her place. A teenage girl with her first and if I had anything to do with it, last lover.
I couldn’t see my babydoll wanting to hide. From everything she’d said to me since we became lovers, she was proud of the fact that she’d caught her man. She was young yet and innocent in the ways of the world. She didn’t understand how our circle worked. Judgmental fucks with more skeletons than furs in their closet. Any one of them look at her cross-eyed, it’ll be the last fucking thing they do.
I’d never heard any whispers myself but there had been a time or two when some old maven had made mention of the fact that Alex was growing up and it was unseemly for us to be living under the same roof together. Mom had saved her ass from my retribution. Now that I think about it she probably wasn’t the only one who’d felt that way.
Because my mind hadn’t gone there yet I’d brushed it off, but now that had all changed. It was this that was causing my discomfort. How would those whispers affect her? Was she strong enough to face them down?
I wasn’t about to battle over my love for her with anyone. They could all fuck themselves with a rusty screwdriver. But Alexandra had a soft heart no matter how she tries to be brave. After playing around with the idea in my head I settled on dinner in a public place for our first outing as man and woman.
I called and made reservations at one of the most popular restaurants in town. One where I knew everyone who’s who was sure to be. My next call was to mom before I left the office to go see her. I sent off a text to my girl. Just a simple ‘miss you’. I shook my head with a secret smile when I got her response ‘I ache’ just as I climbed into the back of the car.
It wasn’t until I’d finished reading and her face flashed across the screen that I realized just how much she’d infiltrated every aspect of my life. I’d carried her picture everyday since a few months after she came to me. I’d never put too much stock in it, that’s what parents do right? And she’d been so pleased when I’d done it.
But now I could admit to myself that in the last few months at least, that picture had come to mean something else, something more. Plus the fact that I’d changed it from the cute little gap toothed angel to the one of her the night of the party was a dead giveaway.
We pulled up outside my childhood home and I sat in contemplation for a minute. When I walk out of there something was going to be different. Mom would either congratulate me or curse my ass. I wasn’t sure which I deserved, but I knew what my heart wanted and I’m fucked if I’m giving that up to please anyone.
I let myself in and headed for her favorite place in the house. She was fussing around her flowerpots and singing to her babies. I watched her until she noticed me in the doorway and that smile I knew my whole life spread across her face. Will this be the last time I saw that smile?
“Mom, I think you better sit down.”
“Why what is it, what’s happened? Is it Alexandra? Where is she?”
“Calm down mom, Alex is…fine.” She watched me skeptically as I led her to a seat and crouched down in front of her.
Taking her hands in mine, I thought of all the years the three of us have had together. I knew she loved my girl like she was her own. She’d watched her grow right along with me, and took so much pride in the woman our girl was becoming.
Would she blame me for tainting that? Well fuck! For someone who’s lived my life by my own rules without regards to what anyone else thought, I was finding this shit damn near impossible. I wasn’t worried about how I would change in her eyes, but how she would see Alexandra. All my angst and worry was for her.