She was the light of my life yes, but only in so much as she was the beloved child of my best friend. One who had brought me great joy when in the beginning I’d been scared shitless that I would fuck up.
I’d been so afraid of getting it wrong that I’d kept her close to me always. She’d been afraid that first year. Sometimes she’d wake screaming in the night for her dad. Then later it was me she was afraid of losing. I’d spent those nights sitting up with her in my arms until she fell asleep again.
She was like my shadow back then. Whenever I was home she was with me in the same room. She’d do her homework while I got some work done in the evenings, then we’d have dinner together. She was such a little thing then, so conscious of her plight in life.
I’d gone out of my way to be both mom and dad, though my own mom had pitched in from the beginning and handled the more sensitive stuff.
Is that when it happened? Is that when she’d stolen my heart? Of course I loved her then, I’d loved her since the day she was born; my perfect little doll. But having her here with me, we’d grown so close, was this inevitable? Or am I just a sick fuck? No I won’t accept that. It’s not like I’d planned this shit, it just happened. I had no control over any of it.
It wouldn’t be so bad if she didn’t want me too. There was no point in denying it to myself even if I was still trying to convince her otherwise. The truth is I was more afraid of her wanting me than my wanting her. My lust I could control, maybe. But what the fuck was I supposed to do with hers?
Should I wait and see if she outgrows it? How can I when I want her with every fucking breath I take? How can I do something that could tear us apart, take her out of my life for good? I had no doubt that if I kept refusing her she’d go away, and her pride, the pride I’d instilled in her, would keep her from coming back. But the alternative could destroy us both. Fucking hell!
I heard a sound coming from the far end of the hall where her room was. I sat up and listened with my breath held. Maybe she was going to the bathroom or heading downstairs for some water. I told myself that but the rising panic in my chest was like a pre-warning. Something that only happens when it comes to her. Like a sixth sense that’s only been getting sharper as time go by. I listened closely and the sound came again.
I hit the floor running with my heart in my lungs. “Alexandra?” I slammed the door open and looked around for the danger. There was no one in the room as I moved towards the bed. It took me a second to realize she’d been screaming in her sleep. In the moonlight I could clearly see the tears running down her cheeks. She clutched the teddy bear for dear life as she whimpered.
“Alexandra? Baby wake up.” I sat on the side of her bed and shook her awake. She rolled into my side and held her arms up to me like she’d done as a child. I didn’t think, didn’t see the danger as I slid down the bed next to her and took her in my arms. “Solomon?” Her voice was choked with tears and fear.
“It’s okay I’m here now, you’re safe.” She clung to me and broke down in gut wrenching sobs that tore at my heart. I only meant to offer comfort when I kissed her forehead and pulled her tighter against me. My eyes flew open at once and I started to pull away, but couldn’t.
So soft so sweet! Her scent tickled my nose as she pressed herself harder against me, crying my name piteously. “Shh, I’m here love. Won’t you tell me about it sweetheart?” She turned those wide innocent eyes up to me, and my heart cracked open just a little wider for her.
I don’t remember who made the first move. If I lowered my head or she raised hers. My eyes were focused on her pale pink cupid bow lips.
The first brush of my lips across hers was innocent enough. But by the third time I touched her soft lips her breasts were crushed against my chest and my tongue was moving inside her mouth.
Her taste was sweet, like nectar, and she kissed so innocently it was hard to pull away. Instead of being put off by her obvious lack of know how, I found her inept kisses appealing. The thought that I could be her teacher made my cock even harder.