Knuckling her eyes, she took her time answering him. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know if we were having a couple of dates and then getting back to life as it used to be, though a lot friendlier, or we’d end up disliking each other.’
‘Stop saying sorry. You’re being truthful.’
‘And that includes being sorry.’ She shook her head, those blasted curls flicking in every direction. ‘I wanted another week with you before I said what was bothering me.’ She swallowed. ‘I once believed in love so much I thought it could overcome everything, now it’s hard to accept I was wrong.’
So she’d been happy with him. That put the final wedge in the situation. Molly O’Keefe had wanted to spend more time with him and she’d just made absolutely certain it wasn’t going to happen.
* * *
Molly staggered into her apartment and sank to the floor. She’d lied to Nathan—again by omission, but she’d been untruthful all the same. He deserved better. Through what Paul had done to her, she’d become someone else, a person she barely recognised at times. Honesty was of paramount importance now. On the other hand, telling Nathan about the small chance she’d ever get pregnant wasn’t ever going to happen. If he’d said he’d take the risk, she’d have to live with the hurt caused if it didn’t happen. She was not prepared to do that. He’d thank her one day.
Her heart was shredding, her head throwing so many accusations at her about dumping Nathan, it was a wonder she’d managed to drive home safely from Coogee. But she had. There wasn’t anywhere else for her to be. This was her home—small, lonely, but hers. She did not belong in Nathan’s house, or in his flat.
How had she fallen in love so quickly? The answer didn’t matter. She did love Nathan. Though what she’d told him was also true. It might only be a step in getting her life back. A temporary one, though judging by the agony in her chest that was complete and utter nonsense. With Paul she’d believed love would win the day. How wrong could she have been? That was the reason she was struggling to believe in herself now.
Yet, deep inside, a kernel of hope and longing and that love said this was for real. That Nathan was the right man for her. He’d always look out for her, come what may.
‘I did the right thing. Especially for Nathan.’
Didn’t I?
‘Yes.’
She had to believe this was the right way to go or she’d never get up in the morning. But, hell, she hurt. Everywhere. Who’d have thought she’d feel like this after such a short time with Nathan? Truthfully? She’d never expected to fall in love again when Paul had blotted her thoughts of what love was meant to be. But she had. And thereby done the right thing by Nathan in walking away before they got in too deep. Except she’d already done that. Deep, then deeper, her heart was tied up in knots for him.
Her phone lit up as a text came in. You get home all right? Nathan. Caring to the end.
A waterfall cascaded down her cheeks. Something special and wonderful had ended. She had to be that strong woman he mistakenly believed she was. Fake it till she made it.
Tap, tap on the phone. Yes. Sorry. Molly paused. Stop saying sorry. She deleted the word, typed, Thanks, and pushed Send. Fake it.
Her bed was cold—and lonely.
Her head ached. The pillow was soon soaked.
Her heart went through the act of giving her life, all excitement and happiness gone, just a regular pumping.
So much for finally joining in on the work social scene. She’d been afraid of trusting people and had been the one to dump on Nathan’s trust. Now she had to continue working with him because running away was not an option. She’d stand tall and take the knocks. And be strong, even if she had to fake it in the beginning.
Until now she’d believed of all the things Paul had done, taking away her baby and leaving her with only one damaged Fallopian tube was the hardest thing to deal with. Now she knew different. Walking away from Nathan was worse. He’d lost Rosie; he didn’t need to lose his chance of having children with someone in the future. His nieces and nephews adored him, and the youngsters he dealt with in the ED were always in awe of him. He’d be an amazing father.
Snatching the box of tissues, she scrubbed her face, but still the tears flowed. Never before had the knowledge of not being able to have a child been quite so devastating. No children, no Nathan.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘CAN YOU LOOK at two-year-old Lucy Charles?’ Molly asked Nathan. ‘She’s got a plastic top from a small tube stuck in her ear. She’s a right little cutie, even if she is screaming the place down.’
‘You’ve tried oil to get the top out?’ Nathan asked, ever the professional with her, though there were times he’d ask how she was doing at basketball or in the op shop.
Over the past month she’d become so used to the thudding in her chest whenever she was near him that she could answer without hesitation now. ‘No. She’s not letting anyone near her head, let alone the offending ear.’ Maybe Nathan could charm the wee dot into letting him make her better.
‘It’s never easy with a toddler.’ Nathan swung open the curtain to the cubicle from which shrieks emanated. ‘Hello, Mrs Charles. I’m Nathan, a doctor.’ He crouched down to be face to face with the little girl. ‘Hey, Lucy. What’s that on your shirt?’ He pointed to the rabbit.
Lucy stared at him, hiccupping through her tears.
‘Is it a cat?’
A headshake.
‘Is it a horse?’
Another shake.
Nathan put his finger to his lips. ‘I don’t know, then. You’ll have to tell me.’
‘Wabbit.’
‘So it is. Have you named it?’
‘Wobby.’
‘Can I look at his ear? It’s so big.’
Lucy stared at him, then looked at her mother.
‘Go on, show the doctor Robby’s ear.’
Without touching her T-shirt, Nathan pointed to the rabbit’s ear. ‘Look, there’s something stuck in there. I’m going to have to pull it out.’ Clenching his hand tight, still without touching the shirt, he made a pulling motion and then looked into his palm. ‘Yes, I’ve got it. Wobby didn’t feel a thing. Now can I see your ear?’
Lucy shook her head.
‘Not easily tricked, are you, little one?’ To Lucy’s mother, he said, ‘I’m going to give her something to quieten her down enough so I can remove the obstruction. She’ll be sleepy for an hour or two afterwards but there won’t be any side effects.’ Then he said to Molly, ‘Can you get the drugs? I don’t want to leave Lucy while she’s comfortable with me.’
‘Sure.’ Nathan was so good with kids. Her heart skittered. She knew that. It was why she’d walked away from him, but it wasn’t getting any easier to accept. Seeing him every day in the department, she was constantly questioning her ability to carry on working here. But she had to. She’d vowed not to weaken, to be that strong woman Nathan believed she was.
Once Lucy accepted the syrup she began to calm down almost immediately and the button was soon removed, then she was on her way home with her mother, and Molly went looking for someone else to help.
‘Molly, ready for a break?’ Vicki appeared around a corner.
‘Is it time already?’ She had no appetite for the soup she’d brought from the local deli but she’d go through the motions. Changing direction, she headed for her locker.
‘Sure is. You were miles away. Or maybe only three cubicles down, where a certain doctor is about to examine an abscess.’