‘Yes,’ he muttered. ‘But then I’m not alone in that.’ He stood up, walked to the glass sliding doors leading outside and stared out, his hands on his hips, legs slightly splayed.
She’d gone too far, shouldn’t have mentioned his loss. But there was no taking it back. She went to join him, shoulder to shoulder, gazing outward. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Do you realise how often you apologise for something?’
‘One habit yet to be annihilated.’ Sorry hadn’t stopped the fists, but she’d always tried.
Pushing a hand through his thick hair, Nathan shook his head. ‘Don’t be apologetic for what you said. I prefer people don’t dodge the issue. I did enough of that all by myself for the first couple of years. Rosie was my life. I cannot deny that, or how what happened has altered the way I go about things now. But I think I’m leading a balanced life again.’
He was ahead of her there, but she was working on catching up fast. ‘Receiving my divorce papers knocked down the final block preventing me from getting back on track. I’d been taking baby steps, now I’m ready to take some leaps.’
‘Finding somewhere new to live might be one.’ He remained staring outside as he continued. ‘The offer to move into my flat stands. Despite your arguments, I believe we could make it work just fine. We can talk terms and conditions any time you like.’ He was serious, in control of things, but she could do control too.
‘The next place I live in will be where I’d like to spend the next few years at least. Permanent, rather than a stopgap.’
‘Buy or rent?’
‘I haven’t given it much thought. I could afford to buy a small house or a bigger apartment in a similar area to where I am now.’ That’d mean using the money she’d sworn not to touch, but maybe it was time to let go of that gremlin too. ‘I’m not sure where I want to live. There’s no hurry.’
‘Feel free to run any ideas past me. I’ve spent all my life in and around Sydney and know where not to buy.’
‘Thanks.’ Glad he’d dropped the subject of renting his flat for now, Molly headed back to the couch and sank down onto it, smothering a surprised yawn on the way. That was the answer to all this nonsense going on in her head. She was tired from working all night and tossing a man on the floor. She grinned.
I did it. Cool.
Tipping her head back, she stared up at the ceiling and thought, I really must get going. She couldn’t hang around with Nathan all day. He’d want to catch up on sleep, and probably had plans for the afternoon when he woke up. But it was so comfortable here. She’d take another minute before calling a taxi to take her home.
* * *
Nathan woke and raised his hands behind his head on the pillow, stretched his feet towards the bottom of the bed. He’d slept like a baby. His watch showed he’d had nearly four hours. More than enough if he was to get back into his regular pattern tonight.
Was Molly still asleep? She hadn’t budged when he’d tucked the blanket around her. It had taken all his self-control not to swing her up into his arms and carry her down to his bedroom so he could lie spooned behind her while they slept. Except there probably wouldn’t have been much sleep going on—for him anyway. She flicked every switch he had, and then some.
Who’d have thought it after the way they’d started out? But there was no denying he wanted Molly. She was sexy, sweet, strong, and still recovering from an appalling past. He wouldn’t have kissed her for so long but she hadn’t stopped, and how was a man supposed to ignore that when the woman fitted perfectly in his arms? Pressed those soft breasts against his chest?
He sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and leaning his elbows on his knees, then dropped his head into his hands. It had to be a case of wanting what he couldn’t have. There hadn’t been a woman who’d rattled him like Molly was doing. Not since Rosie. Strange how different they were. Rosie tall, tough, focused; Molly small, soft, trying to be focused on the future and not the past.
A fact that should have him running for the waves. Hadn’t seen that coming. All he’d intended was to make her like him. Like? Or desire him? He did want to love again. ‘I what?’ The question roared across his tongue. ‘Yes, I want to love another woman.’ Molly?
Leaping to his feet, he crossed to the mirror in the en suite bathroom and stared at the face glaring back at him. Nothing looked any different from what he’d seen last night while shaving before work. He’d been tracking along nicely, and now look at him. Toast. Over a woman he hadn’t even liked let alone wanted to kiss at the beginning of the week. Or had he? Had he been in denial all along? Afraid he might actually want to start looking for a future that involved more than himself? Was love possible a second time?
Spinning away from the mirror, he reached into the shower and turned the knob to hot. Cold would be better for what ailed him, but he was a wuss when it came to freezing temperatures; he far preferred the warmth. Even the extreme heat of the outback made him happier than in winter, and Sydney wasn’t exactly freezing.
Standing under the water, he knuckled his head. Molly was in there, teasing, taunting with that sassy way she’d used before she’d realised what she was doing. As for her kisses—man, could the woman kiss. His groin tightened just thinking about Molly’s mouth on his.
Molly had mentioned baby steps. That’s how he needed to approach this. For both their sakes. She might say she was on the road to recovery, but now he knew what to look for he’d seen the sadness, anger and pain in her face and darkening those beautiful eyes at moments when she thought no one was watching. That might go on for a long time even after she found someone to trust and love again.
Like the nights when he still woke to a sodden pillow. Those were rare occurrences now, but they did happen. Rosie would never leave him completely. Likewise, that monster would always be a part of Molly, of who she’d become and where she went from here. But it seemed she was ready to reach out with him. He’d better not let her down.
Once dressed in jeans and a navy shirt, he went to see if Molly had woken up.
She was standing in the middle of the kitchen, looking lost. ‘So much for calling a taxi. I fell asleep.’
‘You needed it.’
‘Blame the couch. It’s so comfortable.’
When he’d taken the blanket in, Molly had been on her side, her knees drawn up and her hands crossed over her breasts, accentuating their curves and making him wish they knew each better so he could’ve wrapped her in his arms instead of the blanket. Her face had been relaxed, without the caution that was her everyday approach to people. ‘Now you know why I often spend my sleep time there and not in my bedroom.’
‘You got any tea?’ she asked, then blushed. ‘Sorry. I’ll get out of here.’
Bet asking that was one of those steps she’d mentioned. ‘Tea, coffee, hot chocolate. I’ve got the works.’ He stepped round her and reached inside the pantry.
‘Tea, thanks.’ Her soft laugh hit him in the gut. ‘Cake?’
He winced. ‘There’s some in here.’ He handed her the box of tea bags and reached for a plastic container. ‘This has been in here for a while.’ Left by his sister when she’d visited last weekend, the banana cake might be a little the worse for not being eaten.
‘You have cake lying around?’ She shook her head at him.
‘I haven’t got a sweet tooth.’ Which Allie knew, but still insisted on making him cakes every time she visited, a habit started in the bleak days of Rosie’s illness as a way to cheer everyone up. Not that it had worked.
‘What a waste.’ Molly had the container in her hand. ‘The icing’s got a distinct blue tinge.’
The disappointment on her face made him chuckle as he slid out the bin so she could dump the cake. ‘I’ve got frozen sausage rolls that won’t take too long to heat, if you’re starving.’ Breakfast had been a long time ago. His stomach was growling quietly, and
it wouldn’t be long before it got really noisy. He flicked the oven on and opened the freezer.
Again her laughter got to him, tightening one telltale part of his body while softening others. ‘How do you keep in such good shape if you’re eating things like that?’
‘Obviously I don’t eat them or that lemon icing would never have had time to change colour.’ Molly thought he was in good shape? ‘I go for a run most days.’ Which paid off in dividends, but he was lucky to have a metabolism that let him get away with quite a variety of delicious foods. Then he looked at her and saw the deep pink shade of her cheeks.
‘Yes, right. You know I run too.’ She busied herself with tea bags and mugs and getting the milk out of the fridge.
‘As well as being into those martial arts.’ A picture of Molly dropping that irate man flashed across his mind, tightened his jaw. So much for Security. She should never have been put in that position. She could’ve been hurt. So could Hazel. ‘Your moves looked so easy, as though the man was lighter than a bag of spuds.’ His heart had been trying to beat a way out of his chest. Not even seeing Molly had been unharmed had slowed the rate. That’d taken minutes of deep breathing, and pretending all was right in the department once Security finally turned up and removed the guy.
She grinned. ‘It was pretty cool, wasn’t it? I’ve worked hard at being able to protect myself, but never has that instinctive reaction taken over to make me do what was necessary. Until now I’ve only ever thrown a judo partner on the mat, where I get to think about the best throw to make and how to execute it properly.’ Her grin slipped. ‘It makes me wonder what I’d do if someone on the train or in the street raised an arm to reach for something and I reacted without thinking.’
‘I bet it was the atmosphere as much as the man’s actions that made you react. We were all tense, him in particular.’ Nathan hoped he was right, or Molly would get a complex about something she’d learned for her own protection. Placing the pastries on a tray, he slid them into the oven and slammed the door. ‘Ten minutes and we’ll be into those.’