“God Lexi,” Ace says, the two words full of the horror the story makes him feel. “I’ve seen terrible things but that is beyond belief. How can a mother do that to her own children?”
“That’s one question I’ve asked myself a thousand times over the years.”
“When did she start drinking?” Ace asks.
“I can’t remember when she didn’t drink.” Now that I have Luna, I find it terribly sad that a mother could choose to drink over caring for her own children.
Chapter 23
Lexi
I blink several times when Vanessa walks into the Alma the following day.
“Hi,” I say and search her face when she slides onto a stool at the counter. She looks as if she hasn’t slept since her shift ended yesterday. “Are you okay?”
Vanessa stretches her hands out on the counter. “I don’t know the meaning of that word.”
“That bad huh? Want a drink?” I ask.
“Yeah, water’s great,” Vanesa says.
I get a cold bottle from the fridge. Vanessa doesn’t drink. She once confided in me that her greatest fear is ending up like our mother. I get it. It’s scary as hell to imagine oneself ending up like Mom.
“Mom still at home?” I ask her.
“Yeah. She’s only been home for one night and she’s already driving me up the wall,” Vanessa says. “I barely slept last night.”
Guilt floods me. I slept soundly all night. With me, as long as I don’t see my mother, she doesn’t bother me. I don’t worry about her when she goes away. If anything, what I feel when she goes is relief.
“She talks to me like a child. She wants to raise me now and I’m an adult,” Vanessa says.
Vanessa is too soft to tell Mom anything. She has always craved Mom’s love and attention and I’m surprised to hear her complaining that Mom is babying her. A few years ago, she’d have loved it. I’m glad that she’s finally shaken off that inner child’s need to be loved.
Mom is the wrong person to seek love from. She’ll love you for a short while and then leave you. She’ll break your heart over and over again.
“And Miles is threatening to move out if Mom plans on staying with us,” Vanessa says.
“It’s her house,” I point out.
“Yeah, it is.”
We are silent for a moment. “Tell you what, I’ll invite her for dinner and give you a bit of a break. She told me she wanted to meet Luna.”
“Thanks! An evening away from her will give me time to think.”
I can’t believe Vanessa is talking that way. “What has made you change? You used to think the world of her, no matter what she did.”
Vanessa holds my gaze. “Luna. She’s my niece but I’d do anything for her. We were Mom’s daughters and she did nothing for us.”
“She put a roof over our heads,” I point out. Our roles are reversed now. I’m not defending Mom, but I don’t want Vanessa to be like me. I’ve been bitter for too many years.
Mom had bought the house years ago which meant that at one point she had her shit together. Thank God for that because we were never at risk of sleeping in the streets.
“I lied so much in school that sometimes I got confused over what was the truth and what wasn’t,” Vanessa says. She takes a sip of her water.
“But you were always clean,” I say to her.
She smiles sadly. “I was thanks to you. They never did forget though that you used to go to school in filthy clothes before you learned to wash them.”
They had a nickname for me at school. Lazy Lexi. I slept in class, I never finished my homework, I wore dirty clothes and I stank. I vowed that Vanessa would not go through the same rejection in school.
We talk about the past a little more. We even manage to laugh over some of our memories. When Vanessa leaves, I feel as if another part of me has healed.
***
When I get home in the evening, Luna and the nanny are playing in the kids’ play area. It has become a hit with Luna, and she’s made a few friends. We go back to the house and she fusses a little, but I distract her.
“If there’s nothing else, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Helen says. “Oh, and Luna’s dinner is in the fridge.”
“Thanks so much, Helen,” I tell her and shut the front door after she leaves.
Luna is perched on my waist and I hug her again. “Do you know how precious you are?”
She grins. “Mama.”
It’s not long before she wants to be put down. This girl of ours is always on the move. She’s fiercely independent and I can’t wait to see the person she’ll be when she grows up.
I give her a snack and sit with her while she eats as I mentally plan what I’ll cook for dinner. I had left a chicken to defrost this morning and Ace does love his chicken. I decide to grill it together with potatoes and steamed vegetables.