Della leaned back against me and wrapped her arms around mine. "I know that. I meant growing up. Having a sibling to stand in your corner. "
I understood what she meant and it broke my heart to think about the little girl who was so alone in dealing with a mother who wasnt there mentally. "You did find Braden. "
"Braden found me. And youre right. She was always in my corner. "
"I like knowing you have her. She loves you almost as much as I do. "
Della laughed. "Dont let her hear you say that. Shell fight you for that title. "
I wondered what Braden would do when I asked Della to marry me. Would she grill me? Make sure my intention was to treat her like a princess? I had no doubt Id hear from her when the time came. I just wasnt sure about the right time.
I loved Della and I knew no one would ever take her place in my heart. She was the one. But marriage also meant a commitment that scared me. Id been ready to ask her before she left me. Now I knew how quickly she could rip my world out from under me. Could I handle that kind of pain if she were my wife? It was making me even more vulnerable. I needed time to adjust to having her back. Having a Della who didnt wake up screaming and one I didnt worry about all the time.
"I love you," she said as we stood there together.
"I love you more," I replied. And I meant it. That was what kept me from asking her to marry me. That was my roadblock. I loved her more.
A knock on the door broke into my thoughts and Della stepped out of my arms to look back at me. "Who could that be?"
"Not sure. Ill get it. "
Jace was pacing back and forth on my front porch when I opened the door. His head snapped up when he saw me. He shook his head and went back to pacing. This was woman trouble. I looked back at Della, who stood watching me from the other end of the hallway.
"Looks like Jace needs to talk. Well be out here if you need me," I told her.
A worried frown pinched her forehead but she nodded. "Okay. "
I closed the door behind me and watched as Jace continued to pace.
"Whats wrong with Bethy?" I asked. I knew that was the only thing that could get him to pace like a madman.
He stopped his constant moving and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Shes . . . She wanted to get married. I mentioned it to her and she wanted to. But shes started to act different lately. So I dropped the marriage thing. I thought that was what made her go crazy. But shes just getting worse. Hell, what was I supposed to do? I cant get married if shes not ready. I sure as hell cant ask her. I dont know what I was thinking. Just because Rush and Blaire are playing house doesnt mean the rest of us are ready. "
I was going to be here a while. I could tell by the frantic tone in Jaces voice. I sat down in the swing. "So youve changed your mind on the marriage thing? Sounds like it scared Bethy anyway. Maybe you two need more time just being a couple. "
Jace let out a hard laugh. "Yeah, I thought that, too. But shes just . . . reverted. "
"Reverted?" I asked, trying to figure out what in the hell he was talking about.
"You know, reverted to the way she was before. Shes drinking and wanting to go out partying all the time. She rarely sees Blaire anymore because she said it makes her sad. She wants what Blaire has but she says its rare. We cant measure ourselves against that. But that makes no damn sense. Ive been in two bar fights in the past week. Two fucking bar fights. Me. I dont fight, dammit. But shes forcing me to go save her drunk ass from men who want to touch her. "
I thought about Della playing with Nate the other day and how sweet she was. But not once had she asked for the same thing. She never pressured me for more. I wasnt sure what Id do if she did. I would probably give it to her.
"Do you want Bethy? Forever? Is she who you see yourself spending your life with?"
"I did. Before all this. I did. I thought we were ready. But now shes changed. Shes acting like . . . shes acting like she did before. When all I wanted to do was fuck her because she was so damn good at it. I was addicted to sex with her. Then she stood up to me and drew a line in the sand and I came barreling through it because I realized, through all that sex, that I had started to care for her. I wanted more than just the sex. "
Everyone knew this story already. No one had expected it. Jace was a trust fund baby and Bethy was a trailer park baby. The two didnt seem to fit . . . until they did. "She could be drawing the line in the sand again. Forcing you to pick her. "
Jace walked over and sat down on a padded bench and dropped his head into his hands. "If I thought that was it I would just propose. I would just ask her to marry me. Because, yeah, I love her. But I think shes hiding something. I dont know what. I try to overlook it but there are times---and theyre rare---when she withdraws from me. I cant pinpoint when it happens. I cant figure out a reason---she just does. Then suddenly shes back the next day or a few days later, however long it takes, and shes my Bethy again. I just . . . she has to tell me everything. She has to explain to me what haunts her and why the hell she thinks going to a honky-tonk dressed like a cowboys wet dream is okay. Im tired of getting into fights with dudes bigger than me. "
Della never did any of these things. I couldnt sympathize and now I was pretty damn sure he shouldnt propose because they had shit to figure out.
"You two need to talk," I said. I had no other words of wisdom.
Jace ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "I know we do. Every time I try and ask her about it, she starts drinking. The next thing I know, shes dancing on a bar somewhere. When she starts to sober up she tells me she wishes she was enough for me and that she wishes she was someone I could love forever. I tell her she is but she needs to tell me why shes doing this. Why she pulls away from me sometimes. She either starts crying or sucking my damn dick. Both get me completely distracted. "
I had thought Jace and Bethy were fine. They were good. They were always together. I hadnt imagined any problems with the two of them. Bethy was always so happy and bubbly. The Bethy he was describing wasnt someone Id ever seen.
"I love her. Im gonna do whatever the hell I need to to stop this. Because I cant lose her. I love her. Shes the best thing that ever happened to me. All relationships before her pale in comparison. If she wants to get married, Ill propose. I wanted to wait but I dont think shell ever tell me why she pulls away sometimes. Maybe if were married she wont do that. If I put a ring on her finger then it will stop this drunken partying shit shes doing. "
The only thing hed said there that even came close to a reason as to why he should marry Bethy was the part where he said he loved her and she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. The other stuff wasnt good logic. "I think you need to get her to talk to you sober first. Lock her in a room and make her talk. Dont just propose because shes forcing your hand with this drinking shit. That isnt what marriage is supposed to be about. You gotta want this, man. "
Jace glanced back at the door to my house. "What about Della? Do you want it with Della?"
Yeah, I wanted forever with her. "One day, but she isnt pressuring me. When the time is right. "
Jace nodded. "Yeah, thats what I thought, too. But Bethy seems threatened by that idea. " He stood up. "Thanks for listening. I needed to unload on someone. I couldnt go back to the condo and deal with Bethy after tonight. I just needed to talk. "
"Youre my best friend. Im always here to talk when you need to. Besides, you kept me from losing it when Della left me. "
Jace chuckled. "More like Rush did. I was scared to touch you. You were going apeshit. "
"Rush was the only one strong enough to hold me back. But you listened to me and kept me sane while she was gone. "
Jace nodded. "Youre my family. "
And he was mine.
Page 38
Della
"Hush, little baby, dont say a word, Mommas gonna buy you a mockingbird. " Mommas voice rang out shrill and off-key as I stood outside her bedroom door and peeked inside. S
he was in a rocking chair in her room with the baby doll I wasnt allowed to touch wrapped tightly in a blanket. She sang to the baby doll when she was sad.
"Yes, hes a good boy to sleep for Momma. He sleeps like hes supposed to. " She cooed at the doll and touched its plastic face tenderly, as if it were real. For a long time I thought the baby doll was real. But it never made any noise and she left it forgotten in its crib in her room for days at a time. Eventually I realized it was just a baby doll.
Then Id made the mistake of picking it up and rocking it, too. Momma had been very upset with me. I had gone three days without food, locked in my room.
"Sweet little baby, Mommas joy. Im gonna go buy you some new toys. " She sang the made-up words. She always made up words to this song. I wasnt sure if she didnt know the real words or if she just liked singing about what she was doing.
Then she threw the baby doll across the room and screamed, "Demon child!" over and over again as she stomped her feet. I ran back to my room as fast as I could and prayed she wouldnt come after me.