He was helping Kota out in a sticky spot. And Sang, in a way. That’s what he told himself. For now, she needed this more. Not even a week out from under her parents for good, and he’d caused a few problems.
Nathan used his keys to let himself into his own house and closed the front door again. He stood there, gazing at the keys in his hand. He didn’t realize at first he was staring at Kota’s key in particular. Green paint stuck around the edges and the silver metal showed through from years of use.
He wanted to go back. Now that the moment of panic was over, now that he was home, it felt wrong. It felt like they were lying to Jessica and to Erica.
But what would they say if they knew the truth? What if they admitted that Kota and Nathan, as well as the rest of their friends, were considering the idea of dating Sang?
Not just dating. Forming a relationship. A permanent one.
Nathan slowly reached out to the side table and dropped his keys in a bowl on top. He needed to think, to figure out what to do next.
Truly, that’s what they all needed. Enough time to think and sort it out.
Nathan stretched his muscles and then tested his lip, pressing his fingers to the surrounding skin. Any bruises or cuts would heal, but he was more concerned with repairing the relationship with people he considered family.
His wild thoughts finally focused enough that Nathan reached into his pocket and instantly dialed Mr. Blackbourne.
They needed to let someone know, and hopefully get some help figuring out what to do.
Mr. Blackbourne picked up on the third ring. “What’s going on?” he asked. It was abrupt, but Nathan was used to Mr. Blackbourne knowing if they called at odd times, there was usually something wrong.
“I messed up,” Nathan said. He shuddered and then let out a slow breath. “Or maybe Kota and I messed up. I just didn’t know what else to do.”
Mr. Blackbourne’s tone changed from sharp to sympathetic instantly. “Whatever it is, we’ll fix it.”
“I don’t know if this is fixable.”
“Tell me what happened.”
Nathan went over quickly what happened in the bathroom, including what Sang was really saying. She had been trying tell him something, only Nathan had thought she wanted to talk to him about their relationship, the same discussion they’d been having. Or maybe she wanted to talk about something else, but he very much emphasized she wanted to kiss him and he would have stopped if he knew she didn’t want to.
Only the more Nathan went over what happened, he realized how much Jessica possibly may have actually overheard. There were times when they were both quiet and then there were times when they got a bit louder. Depending on when Jessica had shown up and how much she actually heard, it could easily appear really bad, or very, very horrible.
“This is something we were all going to be facing sooner or later,” Mr. Blackbourne said.
“Not like this. And it’s not later. Or sooner. It’s right now. It’s happening.”
Mr. Blackbourne spoke, “I understand your reasoning for fighting on the front lawn, but I’m not sure that was the best solution.”
“I didn’t want them thinking Sang was cheating on Kota.”
“I understand the purpose, but what I mean is instead of Kota pretending to react, he could’ve told them about what was going on.”
“We weren’t sure if we should. I didn’t want to ask Kota to do that right in that moment.” Nathan sighed. “And what if they think we’re crazy? We don’t even fully know if we’re going to do this...” He couldn’t finish what he wanted to say. It had taken a lot of time for Nathan to even get to the point to where he didn’t get mad just looking at Victor, or Luke, or any of the others because he knew they were with Sang.
It was an unusual idea, and he’d grown used to thoughts of getting married and having a normal life, a lot like Sang had said she’d wanted in the past. It took spending so much time with Sang for Nathan to realize she wouldn’t leave him just because she spent an afternoon with Luke. Or Victor. Or any of the others.
And that she’d probably be okay with being in a relationship with nine guys, even if she previously wanted the same normal type of life Nathan had wanted. The whole situation was unexpected.
Mr. Blackbourne continued, “Like I said, this was something we were all going to face sooner or later. It won’t be just the Lee family. Eventually, it was going to be anybody we’re related to or associate with. We will have to make a decision on whether to hide or whether to tell people.” He paused. “But you’re right. We’re not ready yet.”
“So maybe the fight was a good idea,” Nathan said. “For now.”
“Give them some time. But we’ll all have to be more careful, especially in places where we know this sort of relationship won’t be accepted. We don’t want to strain relationships with family any more. Not when we’re all not sure about it ourselves.”
“I thought you were sure.”
There was a long pause on the line. “...I just know how I feel,” Mr. Blackbourne said softly, “about her.”
Mr. Blackbourne had been adamant from the beginning, but it was the first time Nathan heard something akin to him being included in the scenario. He usually only spoke about the others. Did he doubt it would work like the rest of them?
Was he as scared as Nathan was?
While dealing with Sang’s parents had been a huge milestone to overcome, it left them with the future to face. Could they or could they not have such a relationship and make it work? Or would it be too much, even for friends as close as them?
“We don’t know what we’re risking,” Nathan said. “I didn’t think about it until now, but...I don’t have anyone to lose on my side.”
“You’ve everyone to lose,” Mr. Blackbourne said.
“I mean family. I don’t give a shit what my dad would say. But...Erica... And the others. What if they don’t accept it?”
Mr. Blackbourne’s tone quieted. “That’s part of the risk we’ll all have to sort out. And are we willing to give them up if they won’t accept it? Or continue to keep this secret from them? We’ll need to get together to discuss.”
“What I do now?” Nathan asked.
“I know you don’t want to hear this,” Mr. Blackbourne said. “But you need to wait. If we need time to figure ourselves out, then your original plan will need to be your strategy. Stay away from Sang and Kota for a short time. After a few days, go back and apologize. But you’ll always have to be mindful now.”
“Sang was going to be going home soon, as far as Erica knew. She was going to come back to staying here, wasn’t she?”
“I don’t know if that’s possible now.”
Nathan frowned. “This is bad...”
“Give it time. We’ll have to figure it out. If you need it, I can give you an assignment that will distract you for a couple of days.”
“Sang’s not going to like this,” he said. A reali
zation hit Nathan so hard, it was like Kota was punching him in the chest again. Things were hard enough for them to figure out, but it felt like he left Sang alone to deal with the aftermath, and on top of everything else...but Sang needed him the most right now.
If she was witnessing friends splitting apart and families getting upset, then she may call off the entire thing. She’d want to spare them all their families and friends and not be the cause.
If she wanted to back out... It would be his fault. “I don’t want to be too far if Sang can get away. I want to talk to her. I’m sure she’s worried.”
“This is where you’re going to have to trust the rest of us to take care of the situation until you can talk to her.”
The edge of something sharp threaded into Nathan’s heart. Fear of not being able to see her wedged into him. It was all he wanted right now. He had just been next to her, but after all this, he needed to be reassured he hadn’t screwed the entire thing up by being careless. “I need to talk to her.” He sucked in a breath and then let it out slow until the next part came out in a harsh whisper. “We should have talked about this before. Please. I need to...”
“I know you do,” Mr. Blackbourne said calmly. “Only it might be better for now, if you are going to pretend to be humble and sorry for what you did, to not take the risk and be seen with her right now. If Jessica or Erica or anyone they know sees you and Sang talking alone, or Sang sneaking over to someplace to talk to you, it’ll look bad for Sang and will ruin the façade you’ve created. If we can’t talk to anyone yet about this relationship, then we’ll have to protect Sang’s reputation with the family we do care about. Give it time. Let’s not take that risk. Not right now. I promise, as soon as I’m sure it’s possible without too much risk, I’ll make sure you can talk to her. But you’ll have to give me time.”
Nathan shifted his weight from foot to foot, feeling the tense muscles in his body. Who knew how long this process with Erica and Jessica would take, and how long it might take for Sang to be able to talk to him without risking too much. “What can I do? For now, I mean. I can’t just sit here.”