He crept down the hallway, trying to listen.
He counted, like Kota often did, starting at one and continuing up. For no reason other than to keep himself calm and not think too much.
Nathan stood on the edge of the hallway, peering out into the living room. He could hear Jessica’s voice somewhere deeper in the house. Erica said something following up, and then Kota talked over her and Erica quieted.
Nathan swallowed, stepping just a couple of feet into the living room, waiting. He breathed slowly.
“Whatever happens,” he whispered to himself, “it’s only temporary.” It was something Mr. Blackbourne told him when dealing with a highly stressful situation, to stay calm during those moments. Situations are often temporary and look a lot worse in the moment.
He started to repeat the phrase when Kota came around from the dining area, hurrying ahead, lips pressed together, focusing on Nathan instantly.
Kota quickly crossed the room. Erica and Jessica trailed slower behind him. Jessica tucked herself behind Erica, her eyes wide.
It was something Nathan had never seen before, not with Jessica. That hurt damn worse than anything else in that moment. There was no reason for Jessica to be afraid of him. They’d known each other for years. He’d never do anything to her. He’d never be angry at her for something like this.
If Sang was in a normal relationship with Kota, Jessica had every right to do what she did and tell Kota.
“Nathan...” Kota said, his voice steady and deep, oddly calm given the circumstances. He blinked rapidly and jerked his chin in the direction of the front door. “You and I need to talk, outside, right now.”
Erica reached out to Kota, offering a supportive rub between his shoulders, but said nothing.
A defensive excuse wove its way to Nathan’s tongue, but he bit at it, not wanting to start anything here. Maybe he didn’t have to. Kota wasn’t in the dark anymore. He probably could guess as to what really happened.
It all depended on what exactly Jessica told him, and Erica.
Nathan swallowed and slowly turned, trying not to appear guilty, too sorry for what happened.
They needed to figure out what to do next, but not within hearing range of Erica or Jessica. But how could they explain this to where they would understand?
Nathan eased open the front door and stepped out onto the porch. The sun was finally up over the trees surrounding the neighborhood, although the sunshine was now broken up by low hanging clouds. The air was cold and still.
Kota joined Nathan and very sternly closed the front door before Erica had a chance to follow them out. With everyone so quiet, the sound of metal and wood connecting seemed loud.
Nathan didn’t like leaving Sang in the bathroom alone. Erica could go in there at some point without them. They’d have to make this quick.
Kota nudged Nathan in the arm, motioning to him to continue. “Out further,” Kota said quietly. “Out into the yard.”
Less chance for the others to hear, if they were listening.
Nathan stuffed his hands into the hoodie’s pockets, digging deep with his fists. He took the stairs, stepped across the walkway, and crossed into the grass. Kota followed. Nathan turned in the middle of the yard to face him.
Keeping his head lowered, Nathan tried not to look at the windows around the front door. He had a gut-wrenching feeling Erica and Jessica were watching, waiting for Kota to do whatever it was they suspected he would do.
What should Kota be doing to him, if they were going to keep up the appearance of Kota exclusively dating Sang?
Nathan whispered to Kota, “I don’t know what Jessica said, but I promise you...I...”
Kota pressed his lips together, and then put a single finger to his lips. His back was to the front door, so Erica and Jessica wouldn’t see. “She said Sang kept saying no, and you were trying to force her to kiss you.”
Nathan’s mouth popped open, and he then realized Jessica misunderstood far more than he realized. “You know I would never...Never.” Nathan felt he couldn’t say too much, but he glared at Kota, trying to tell him everything he was thinking with a look.
Kota had known him for years, longer than any of the others. After everything they’d been through, Nathan was the last person to cross a line with anyone.
“I’m not sure what to tell them,” Kota said quietly. “I can either tell them that you did try to do that, or I have to tell them Sang wanted it. Those are our options, because telling them the truth right now isn’t...I don’t know how they’d react. But after this morning, this isn’t the best way to introduce it. Especially when we don’t even know...”
Nathan choked on a retort and shook his head. “Kota...You can’t let them think I would...that I’d...Can’t I say Jessica got it completely wrong?”
Even as he said this, he knew better. At the very end of the conversation with Sang, he’d pretty much had said out loud for her to kiss him, and while Sang had wanted to, Jessica had misunderstood a lot of the conversation. There wasn’t much of a chance she would believe Nathan had meant much else without it looking like Sang was willing to cheat on Kota.
“I’m not sure we have much choice,” Kota said. “Not right now. But I think I can say it was a mistake on your part. You misjudged something Sang was saying, perhaps...”
Nathan groaned and then rubbed a palm against his forehead. “This is my fault. Don’t let Sang get into trouble for it. Completely blame it on me. You know Sang won’t like it, but we have to do it this way.”
“I think I need to start yelling at you,” Kota said and frowned, nodding behind him at the door. “I don’t want Jessica thinking... I don’t know. I feel like I should. So she knows she did the right thing and...” He trailed off, frowning, concern etched in his face. “What would you do if someone else tried to force her into a kiss?”
“Bloody murder,” Nathan said. He thought of the times Rocky or others had tried to mess with Sang, and how often they’d all gotten into fights over Sang for similar situations. “We should probably fight, yeah? Maybe take a swing at me.” It seemed like a normal thing to do. The fact that they hadn’t yet done it was probably more surprising to Erica and Jessica watching.
Kota’s green eyes darkened behind his glasses, and then he shrugged. “Maybe I should. Just a little. After that, go home. Stay there. Don’t come by. Maybe in a week, or whenever they seem ready, come back and apologize...”
Nathan went over what he could say and before Kota could say anything else, he spoke loud enough to hopefully be heard in the house, “Don’t blame her. She didn’t do anything. I was the one asking her to kiss me.”
Kota put his hands on Nathan’s chest and shoved, sharply, once.
It wasn’t that forceful, but Nathan stumbled backward a few steps. He held his hands out, taking a very weak defensive stance. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I wasn’t thinking...”
“No, you weren’t thinking,” Kota said, raising his voice as well. He shoved once more at Nathan, again weakly.
“You’re going too easy,” Nathan said under his breath. “They’ve seen us fight. You’ve got to punch me.” Shoving around didn’t feel that convincing.
Kota made a fist, a weak one, and connected loosely with Nathan in the chest.
It was barely a play punch. “Harder,” Nathan seethed.
Kota threw his punches carefully, but he landed three more at full force. Nathan did nothing to protect himself, simply taking his ‘punishment.’ One final punch from Kota connected with Nathan’s face.
Nathan backed away, waving his arms and shaking his head. His lip had split, and he tasted blood. “I’m not going to fight you,” Nathan said. “I said I was sorry.”
Kota shouted at him, “Go home! Don’t come back here.”
They stared at each other. It pained Nathan to see Kota that upset, faking angry... It wasn’t real, he knew it. But it felt real.
Maybe in a small way, it was. Nathan felt the same anger on occasion when he
heard Sang kissed one of the others. Knowing she might was one thing. Hearing it...seeing it...
Nathan had to walk away, pretend to be humble. He hated the idea of what Erica may be thinking of him at that moment. If he wanted even a chance of getting Jessica or Erica to forgive him, and to pretend Sang forgave him, too, there was nothing else to do.
It just felt wrong. Jessica would have the wrong idea about him. Not only that, but he was leaving Sang behind to lie about it all.
Nathan turned away from Kota, forcing himself to sprint, to run away to his house across the street. He wanted to hide, to give it time and to let things settle as fast as possible.
He swallowed hard, feeling the frog in his throat. The emotions welling up as he ran away from the Lee household. Their house had been his home away from home so many times. Now for the first time in his life, he was unwelcome, cast out for a mistake he’d made, an accusation that wasn’t actually real.
Maybe that was the worst of it. It was all fake, and there was no reason for Jessica or Erica to feel like that.