“I understand it now,” I said. “But...I worry about...” I couldn’t put it into words.
“Jealousy?” he asked.
I nodded. “Nathan...” I thought about what Nathan had said before. That he wanted to one day run off with me. That he cared a lot about me. He flitted around the word love, but I sensed it being on his mind, on his lips, almost ready to say at some point. He was waiting to hear something from me. I felt he thought the other boys were interested, too, and he was waiting for me to realize he cared about me more than the others could. It was romantic, but I was too intimidated to even think about it right now.
“I’ve heard some of his thoughts, but I have a feeling he’s holding back something more. I think the issues with his father had made him desperate to hold on to someone he really cares about, but had almost lost several times already.”
From his tone, and the steady gaze on me, I sensed he was talking about me. “You don’t think he meant...”
“He meant it,” he said quickly. “He’s pretty sure you want something specific, and he’s trying to fulfill what you want. He’s also got very romantic notions, even if they are unrealistic. He just didn’t think it through. Give me some time with him. He’ll come around, I think.”
“Come around to what?” I asked.
Mr. Blackbourne kept his eyes on mine. “We should all get along with each other, at whatever level of feelings you might wish to have. If we’re to succeed in making you part of the family, I think we’re facing an inevitable conclusion. You and I must work together closely to make sure this family stays together. No matter what it takes, this is our challenge to overcome. I feel you want it the same way I do.” His eyes intensified, with a slight bit of steel, but then a gleam of silver flashed through it. “Will you help me with this? To keep the team together?”
I felt it through my whole being that no matter what, no matter what path I might have with the Academy, I did want to stay with them, and to have them all together and happy like they had been. I couldn’t imagine, for instance, Nathan running off with me and leaving the Academy. It was something he loved. He loved Kota, too, and the others. Despite what Nathan thought he wanted, maybe Mr. Blackbourne was right, and we needed to be careful with each of them to make sure we stayed together.
“I’ll help,” I said.
“Then I need your full trust,” he said. His hand moved, until two fingertips touched the back of my hand, just below the knuckle. He did it to get me to focus my attention on him, but my attention was directed more toward his warm touch. “If any of the boys are too forward, move too fast, or make you uncomfortable, I want to hear it from you. In fact, any move they make with you, I want to know.”
“I’ll try. I don’t really know what to do.” I pressed my lips together but then forced them open. He needed me to keep the family together, and my being quiet wasn’t going to help. “Silas asked me last night to...be his girlfriend.”
A perfect eyebrow rose above the black rim of his glasses. “Did he?”
“I said yes. But I haven’t told the other boys. And I don’t think Nathan would like if...”
“Wait,” he said, releasing my hand to hold his own up in a stop signal. “One thing at a time. You said yes to Silas. Is he the only one that you would say yes to?”
That wasn’t the question I was expecting. “I don’t...you mean if someone else were to ask?”
“If North were to ask you this evening to be his girlfriend, would you want to say yes?”
I wanted to blush all over, to not answer the question, but he didn’t seem disappointed or upset. “I don’t think I’m supposed to.”
“Don’t worry about what you are supposed to want or what you think might be normal. I want to know how you feel. It is important we’re honest with each other about how we feel about other members of the team.” He touched his fingers briefly to his chest. “For example, I care very much for each of them. For you, too. I’d work hard to make sure everyone was happy, no matter what it took.”
It was what family should do for each other, but I felt this was different. Stronger. It was a choice. Family was a choice, they’d said. I wanted to believe it. “What should I do?”
“Go with how you feel,” he said. “If North was here right now, would you tell him no?”
I shook my head.
“You’d say yes?”
I nodded.
“I won’t go down the list,” he said, “and I won’t pretend to know how you feel. I just want you to talk to me. When I said you could talk to me about anything, I meant it.”
“I try,” I said.
“I know you do. Anything else you’d like to share with me?”
“What if they...if someone does get jealous or...”
“Call me,” he said. “The moment any of those boys try to make you feel bad for how you feel, I want you to talk to me. I’ll take care of it, I just need you to trust me. No matter what I’m doing, no matter where I am, I’ll be there when you need me.”
I was warmed at the thought. I knew it would be hard to communicate all I was feeling, but I didn’t seem to need to speak much at all. If I just gave him the basics, he seemed ready to accept it and knew exactly what I had to do.
“We should spend more time together, too,” he said.
“Okay,” I said, without really thinking. I did agree with him, but I wondered how he meant it. More family meetings? And then I realize he might not have meant all of us. Maybe he meant just the two of us.
A touch of that millimeter smile appeared again. He shifted to stand and then held out a hand to me. “I want to talk more, but not here. Let’s find the others.”
I took my cup with the flower with me, holding onto it while he assisted me up and then released my hand to walk with me toward the door.
I didn’t really want to leave. I wanted to tell him everything. I just didn’t know where to start.
Focus Your Efforts
We met the others and headed to the cars. After checking out the place, it was determined that the goal was to use the phone network for observation. They wanted to make more plans, but they didn’t want to talk about it at Middleton.
“What do we do now?” Victor asked.
Mr. Blackbourne glanced at his phone. “It’s time to pick up Mr. Coleman.”
Victor nodded. He looked at Kota. “Are you coming along?”
“I need to check in with North,” he said. He glanced at me, looking like he wanted to say something but then focused on Victor. “I...”
“You should come with us,” Mr. Blackbourne said.
I turned my head in unison with Kota, Victor and Luke,
looking at Mr. Blackbourne and waiting. Was there something else we needed to do for the Academy that Kota had forgotten?
Kota scratched absently at his arm, looking at a loss. “I’ve already got a suit I could wear to homecoming. I wasn’t even sure if I’d wear it. I thought I might team up with...”
“Everyone on our team will be regular guests,” Mr. Blackbourne said firmly. “We’ll all be in attendance.”
This news seemed to make everyone check in with each other. For some reason, when they’d mentioned the Academy would be in attendance, I’d assumed even I would have some minor part to participate in. My heart raced at the thought of a dance with the boys with the Academy watching.
“What about you?” Kota asked. “You said ‘we’.
Mr. Blackbourne’s steel eyes fixed on him. “I’ll be close by, but I’ll stay off the grounds.”
“You can’t do that by yourself,” Kota said. “Someone has to go with you.”
“I may use another team,” he said. “If you’re all at the party, and I’m alone somewhere else, we’ll be following Mr. Hendricks’ plan, but won’t be going in blind. If any of you are missing, it’ll be suspicious that we’ve set our own trap, and the last thing we need is more of our team targeted. We’ll be taking care of two issues in one night. Besides, I’ll need you here with Miss Sorenson.” He made a motion to the cars. “But we all need the proper wardrobe. This isn’t just a formal affair, but a homecoming with a Halloween theme. We’ll be in costume. We’ll all be outfitted appropriately.”
I hadn’t thought about the homecoming dance being on Halloween, and that it might require a costume.
I’d never participated in Halloween. Not once. At school growing up, when we were asked to dress up for school, I taped kitty ears to a black hair band and drew black whiskers on my face and dressed up in as much black as I had available. It was just to blend in and I had to get rid of all the evidence before I went home. But my parents didn’t allow Marie or I to go trick or treating. Our house was isolated from our neighbors, and stayed dark on Halloween.
Kota nodded slightly, his face tight. I sensed he wanted to suggest another option but didn’t want to go against Mr. Blackbourne’s wishes. Did he not like the idea of a school dance? Was it the possible danger?