It wasn’t the question I was expecting. I focused on the vase and arrangement. The flowers had large petals, and each bloom was a vibrant soft pink or hot pink. The hunter green leaves were thick, waxy. I tilted my head, noting the younger petals were shaped like hearts. Some mature flowers were so in bloom, they displayed bright yellow middles. The vase they were in was low, so the stems were short. “I don’t know the name,” I said. “I don’t think they had these in Illinois, but I think I’ve seen them around here.”
"They're called camellias.” He reached for the water cup I was holding. I released it to him. He pulled a single hot pink camellia that wasn’t quite in full bloom and placed it in the water. The cup was really too tall for it, and it sunk into the water, deep into the cup. “They have a short bloom season, but are very beautiful. They don’t usually last long off the bush. They must cut them fresh every morning from the gardens outside.” He held out the cup to me. “Take this home today, and put it by the window.”
I blushed, taking the cup, looking inside to see the flower sitting just so on the water. “It’s okay to take it?”
“They’ll have more tomorrow,” he said quietly.
I wrapped my fingers around the cup, holding it in front of myself, looking at the flower, confused; he brought me in to talk about the flowers?
“Miss Sorenson,” he said in a soft tone, but with a hint of power behind it, like he wanted my attention.
I lifted my head, cheeks warm but eager to get this part over with. I was embarrassed by my behavior, like getting caught passing notes in class. This had a slightly different feel, though. While it was embarrassing, it was also soon to be a relief, and I wanted to hurry things along.
His steel eyes focused on me until I felt frozen to the spot. “Is there anything you’d like to tell me about?”
This was my cue to spill it. I didn’t know where to start. Usually if it was Academy affairs, it flowed from me so easily. This time when I was talking with him about what was on my mind, what I knew he wanted to ask about, it was so... personal. Would Silas want me to talk about it?
“The boys were just teasing me,” I said quietly, trying to at least explain Luke and Victor. “I know they didn’t mean anything by it. It just... surprised me.”
“Why did they want to tease you?” he asked.
“Because Silas was texting me and Luke borrowed my phone to see what he was doing.”
“Did you want him to take your phone?” Mr. Blackbourne asked. He motioned to a settee in a small sitting area nearby. I went to it, sitting carefully, holding the cup in my palms.
He moved to sit next to me, close enough that his leg was brushing mine. He undid the button on his suit coat, and the maroon tie swayed a bit as he leaned forward, looking at me. Quiet. Patient. Waiting.
My heart rattled in my chest. I tried to breathe slowly to calm myself, but he was so close. I wanted his help, but talking about it was difficult.
It was a full minute of me trying to figure out how to answer him before he finally responded. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” he said. “I think it’s a good time to talk about it.”
“About what?” I asked, knowing full well what he might be curious about. Would he be upset that Silas asked me out? They’d had a rule that they couldn’t kiss first. Was being a girlfriend to one of them not allowed at all? When it was explained to me, it didn’t seem likely that it was, but then, there was a kissing rule, so it wasn’t inconceivable. I hadn’t thought to ask how far these rules might have extended.
“Do you find yourself attracted to anyone in particular?” he asked, as coolly as one would ask the time. He touched briefly at the corner of his glasses. It was a minor correction, the move subtle, but I understood it to mean he was calculating something. “Anyone on my team?”
My skin was alive, feeling every little breath of air crossing through the room, sensing warmth coming from him. I listened for any other soul that might cross our path and hear our conversation. “I...” I wanted to answer him. I was dying to. His eyes were luring me to talk to him, but I couldn’t admit to anything. I couldn’t dare. I didn’t have an exact answer for him like I thought I should.
I wanted to trust him.
I didn’t want to disappoint him.
He went on when I didn’t answer. “I’ve noticed some of the boys have gotten rather fond of you,” he said. “Have you noticed it?”
I nodded and the heat rose in my cheeks. Again the desire to answer him washed over me, but I was unable to answer properly. I just couldn’t do it. Another topic, any topic, and I’d happily answer. This one was more complex than I dared to admit.
My eyes had started to drift to his tie. His head dipped, trying to catch my gaze.
His millimeter smile appeared. My mind went into a whirlwind. He was amused? Happy?
“You do know that Silas likes you, right?” he asked quietly.
I nodded, slightly, just enough.
He was still and quiet for so long, I thought he was waiting for a better answer from me. My tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth. What else did he want to know?
“And what do you think about North?” he asked. “Does he like you?”
“I think so,” I managed to whisper. How much did he know about him and how he felt? Did he know North and I spent the night together in a hotel, among other instances where we’d been together in close quarters?
“And Victor?” he asked.
A wave of heat surged through me. Would he ask me about all the boys? What did he really want to know? I nodded, but tilted my head, trying to figure out why he asked.
“I don’t mean to embarrass you,” he said softly.
“I...” I said. “I don’t...”
“It’s normal for you to be interested,” he said. “My particular worry is, if one is being too overwhelming. We need for our entire team to get along. I want you to feel comfortable feeling how you wish to feel about each of them, but I don’t want anyone spending too much time with you and you end up neglecting spending time with the others.” He leaned in a little closer, his eyes fixed on mine. “If you’re comfortable with that.”
“You want me to divide my time up better?”
“Not just your time,” he said. “I understand Dr. Green and you shared a kiss before.”
If my face was heated before, it was on fire now. I had figured he knew, but his ability to say it outright and so calmly was stunning. “Y... yes.” What else could I say? I couldn’t deny it. I couldn’t lie.
“I understand Nathan has, too.”
I nodded.
“Any others? Silas perhaps? I haven’t heard about last night.”
“Not yet...” I wanted to ask him if they told him everything, about how far they went. My heart was exploding. He didn’t seem upset by the news or even surprised. His eyes showed concern. The slight tilt to his lip told me he was trying to make me comfortable, to talk honestly with me like this. I wasn’t sure how to handle it. He knew I kissed two of them. That they’d possibly broken a rule.
“Not Silas?” he asked.
I bit my lip, shaking my head. The truth was no, we hadn’t. He was getting close, though. I sensed it when I was around him, and around some of the others, too.
“Will you let me know if he does? I think he will soon.”
“If you want,” I said quietly.
“I’d like to be updated on how you feel,” he said, his voice softening. “Maybe I’m overstepping a bit, but I sense you might be a bit confused and might need someone to talk to. I can be that person.” There wasn’t an edge to his voice with the familiar command and confidence. This wasn’t Mr. Blackbourne, the administrator at my high school and an official member of the secret Academy. This was Mr. Blackbourne, part of the family, reaching out to me as a friend.
“Why?” I asked. The question was on my lips, a whisper. I hadn’t meant to ask, but it slipped.
“It’s important to me that you’re comfortable,”
he said. “I want to make sure nothing happens to you that you don’t want. I’m sure it’s been difficult for a little while, trying to figure out what you should do. From what I hear from the other guys, you’ve gotten quite a bit of attention from a few of them. I’m sure it’s confusing.”
I nodded, my heart soaring. He understood! “Yes,” I said. More confident now that this had been the right move.
“I’m here to help,” he said. He sat back a little. While the smile didn’t return, his eyes turned from steel to a soft gray silver and his mood seemed to lighten. He was pleased. “If you’ll allow me. You can tell me anything you’d like in strict confidence. What you have to say won’t go to the other boys.”
The possibilities were amazing to me. It was what I’d been needing and now I didn’t know where to start. He didn’t seem to think it wrong. He didn’t say to stop or that I or Silas or anyone else had done something we shouldn’t. “I don’t know what to do,” I said.
“With what?” he asked.
“They all do things,” I said. “At first it was just holding my hand. The next thing I know, there’s a kiss...or sometimes what I thought was going to be a kiss. I know there was a rule about that.”
“I apologize for that,” he said. “I thought it was for the best. We all agreed and we did it out of respect for you.”