The first tear caught her by surprise, streaking slowly down her cheek and over her lip, before sliding into her mouth. The salty taste made her blink, unleashing more tears, and bringing the epiphany she was crying. Dammit, she hadn’t wanted to cry over Sawyer, but at least she hadn’t broken down in front of him. It would have been so much worse if he had realized just how invested she had become in their love affair, and how much she had cared for him. At least he would never know that he had broken her heart like countless women before her.
After a good cry in the back of the cab, followed by a restorative session in the bathroom to make herself look reasonably presentable, Nadia had stuck with her original plan of wandering the shops near the restaurant where she was due to meet Timothy and Hugo. She didn’t pick up anything in particular, but somehow found herself clutching several bags of things she had no memory buying.
It had been a welcome distraction, one that had helped her regain control of her tumultuous emotions and focus on what she wanted from life. Sawyer had never been part of her plan, and it should be easy to cut him loose. He wasn’t an anchor, as she’d briefly thought, but rather an albatross. It was far better to free herself now than to sublimate her own needs to his, only to wake up in months or years to find it had all been an illusion, and he had fallen out of love with her.
Not that she was foolish enough to believe he had ever been in love with her. She suspected their burgeoning romance had simply been a combination of proximity and familiarity, intermingled with the desired to please his family and present a deeper relationship than they possessed.
Of course they had fallen into bed with each other under those circumstances. They were both attractive people, and they both had needs. For his part, he had likely enjoyed the novelty of the situation, having a semi-long-lasting relationship with a woman, but in typical Sawyer fashion, he had grown bored and was ready for the next new thing.
She couldn’t as blithely explain away her own deep fall for the playboy billionaire, simply because she had never fallen like that before. It must be because she had kept the walls around her heart carefully built and strengthened on a regular basis. Only for Sawyer had she risked open vulnerability, and it had backfired on her greatly.
It was a lesson learned, the kind of painful lesson one would love to avoid, but would certainly leave an impression for life. Never again would she let a man sway her or convince her to give up on what she wanted. She would g
o back to maintaining her own emotional distance, using men for companionship and sex, and selecting only the men who wanted a similar situation. She would never knowingly enter a relationship with someone who could love her the way she had loved Sawyer.
Still loved Sawyer, whispered a voice in the back of her head. She forced that voice to be silent as she made her way to the restaurant, to a meeting that could change the course of her life.
The hostess thoughtfully offered to store her bags for her, so she left her purchases at the front before following another host back to her seat. Timothy and Hugo were already there, and she glanced at her watch apologetically. “I’m sorry, am I late?” Again, something niggled at the back of her mind, but she forced away all thoughts that weren’t pertinent to the situation at hand.
“Not at all,” said Timothy as he extended his hand to shake hers. “We just happened to arrive a little early, so we thought we’d have a drink. Hugo, this is Nadia, the woman I told you about. She’s going to be holding the Auld Mug someday, I guarantee it.”
Nadia flushed at the praise, her cheeks burning. “You’re too kind, Timothy.” She took Hugo’s hand when he extended it, shaking firmly. “I’m so happy to meet you, Mr. Blackwell. You’re practically a legend.”
He grinned, and the lines in his cheeks became more pronounced. He was probably in his mid-fifties, with the leathered skin of an experienced sailor, coupled with blond hair bleached nearly white from sunlight. He was clearly a man who enjoyed the outdoors, and was probably found on his boat more often than not. “You’re quite flattering, Nadia, but my legendary days are over. I’m a newlywed and a father now, so I’ve basically retired the boat aside from some pleasure cruising.”
“Oh. Congratulations.” She was unsurprised when his wallet flipped open, and he rummaged around for a picture. She took it politely, looking down at the smiling face of a woman not much older than her, holding a newborn baby. Suddenly, the thing that had been whispering at the back of her mind came to the forefront, and nausea churned in her stomach. She handed back the picture with a polite smile, even as she tried to choke down the urge to throw up. No, it couldn’t be.
“Are you all right,?” asked Timothy, concern lacing his tone.
She looked at him, realizing her hands were shaking. “I…” She had no words to give him, because she didn’t know what to say. Was she all right? No, not if her suspicions were correct. She was pretty far from all right. “I…excuse me. I’m sorry to cut short our meeting, and please don’t think I’m not interested in getting better acquainted with you, Mr. Blackwell, but I’m suddenly feeling quite ill.”
Nadia didn’t wait for an answer from either man as she pushed away from the table and hurried from the restaurant. She ignored the hostess calling her back for her bags, still trying to keep down the urge to retch.
The drugstore caught her attention on the way, and she stopped in briefly to make a single purchase before hailing a taxi. It would be expensive, but she wasn’t going to call the Sinclair driver to come pick her up, not with having to wait all that extra time before finding the answer to the looming question that was suddenly the most important thing in her life.
Chapter Fifteen
It seemed to take forever to reach the Sinclair household, and she was tempted more than once to ask the taxi driver to pull over at the nearest restroom. Only the knowledge of how she might potentially fall apart when she had her answer kept her from doing such a thing. She needed to be alone when she discovered the result.
At the home, she suspected she’d over-tipped, judging by the cabby’s pleased grin, but she didn’t really care. All she wanted to do was get inside the house, hide herself in her room—no, Sawyer’s room, and she would have to request a new one for the next few days before arranging her departure—and tear open the package burning a hole in her purse.
Fortunately, none of the family was there to intercept her as she entered the house and made her way upstairs. It was too early for Sawyer to be home, and the others were busy doing their own things. She would have missed dinner with them already, and the last thing she felt like doing was eating as she entered the bathroom.
Her hands trembled when she opened her purse and extracted the box, tearing at the plastic impatiently. She was thankful she had chosen acrylic nails during a visit to the salon last week with Kiersten and Caitlin, because sharp talons provided better purchase to break through the slick wrapper.
Next, the box refused to yield easily, so she ripped hurriedly through the cardboard, soon holding the white packet in her hands. With a curse, wondering why they felt the need to package the damn things so securely, she ripped open that foil and finally held the slender stick in her hands.
When she sat down, it took a surprising amount of time to actually be able to pee, though she was anxious for the answer. It was as though her bladder was rebelling, as if every facet in her life was trying to torture her and draw out the answer.
Finally, urine flowed, and she finish the test. After putting on the cap and setting the stick on the remains of the ripped box, she washed her hands and prepared to wait. Abruptly, the door to the bathroom opened, and she gasped at the sight of Sawyer standing in the doorway. Their eyes met in the mirror, and he seemed as surprised as she was. “I didn’t expect you back yet,” she said inanely.
“There didn’t seem any point in avoiding you now,” he said bluntly. “I’m actually surprised to find you and your things still in my room. I had expected you to move to a guestroom by now.”
She absorbed the hurtful words, trying to shield the test with her body. She wasn’t ready to share any kind of news with him, and if it was negative, there would be no reason to ever tell him about the potential scare.
Unfortunately, he came closer, and there was a hint of doubt in his eyes for just a second. “Nadia, I…” He trailed off, his gaze dropping to the test on the counter. All hesitation fled, and his lips tightened. “No way. You can’t be.”
She shrugged helplessly, unsure how to reply to his petulant words. “I don’t know.”