“Doesn’t matter. She and Dax hit it off and she gave him her phone number.”
“Perfect,” I whisper conspiratorially to him. “That will make Legend mad with jealousy.”
“You are one twisted woman,” Erik says with a laugh. “Listen to us gossiping about other people. We’re like an old married couple already. And we’ve only been dating a week.”
“Yeah, but we’ve really known each other five years,” I reply with a grin.
Erik’s laugh is hearty and he leans over to kiss me. It’s a soft, quick kiss but as he starts to pull away, I lean into him to deepen it. We both groan as our coffee flavored tongues meet for a moment.
It’s Erik who pulls back, shaking his head at me in amusement. “I’m guessing you wouldn’t be interested in staying in bed with me all day today?”
“All day, huh?” I ask with a laugh, noting that the concept has some merit.
“Every day,” he returns huskily.
There’s something about his words—maybe his tone—that makes me feel uneasy. The way I feel about Erik is indescribable but I have doubts in myself that I’m even worthy of that level of care and desire on such a permanent basis.
My gaze drops to the pool water, rippling with silver streaks from the rays of sun hitting it.
“What’s wrong?” Erik asks, using his fingers under my chin to lift my head and maneuver it so I’m looking at him again.
I never planned on having this conversation with Erik, but things just seem very serious all of a sudden and I feel like he needs to know the ugly side to me. He can’t remember the woman he met five years ago, but I feel like he needs to know her. No matter how much I’ve changed, she’s still a part of me.
“When I turned eighteen and moved to LA, I was searching for something. I had grandiose ideas of becoming famous and wealthy. And when I got there and found out that it just doesn’t happen like that, I was satisfied with just surrounding myself with others that had fame and money. It was so stupid of me to even be mad at you for what you did to me, because I got exactly what I asked for. You weren’t the first to blow me off like that, and you weren’t the last either. I put myself in those situations, looking in all the wrong places for all the wrong things.”
Erik’s face clouds slightly. “Why are you telling me this?”
I shrug. “Full disclosure, I guess. I wasn’t some innocent that was taken advantage of by you. In fact, I’d say our hookup was probably par for the course at that point in my life.”
There’s a slight hesitation before he says, “I appreciate you telling me that, but I guess I still don’t get what that has to do with us right now. I get it. You changed. I changed. We’re different people than who we used to be. You accepted my apology and you don’t hold that shit against me. Why would it matter to me how you were back then?”
“Because I want you to know that I’m flawed, just like most people are,” I say with frustration. “I don’t want you to put me on a pedestal or anything. And you’ve just done so much to make me fall for you, that I just want you to make sure the effort is worth it.”
Erik reaches out, tucks my hair behind me ear. His voice is filled with wonder. “You’re a first for me, Blue. I’m not ashamed to admit I’m crazy about you, flaws and all.”
My return smile is wan and doesn’t quite reach my eyes. He sees it right away but before he can ask, I tell him, “I have a lot to make up for with Billy.”
His brow furrows deeply in confusion. “What do you mean?”
I look away from him and stare out over the backyard for a moment. When I turn back to him, I say, “I mean, I didn’t just go to LA seeking something. I was running.”
“Running?”
“Away from Billy,” I admit shamefully.
“I don’t understand.” There’s no condescension in his voice. Only curiosity and a desire in his eyes to learn more. He takes my hand in his—engulfs it, actually—and rests the clasped pair on top of my thigh. It’s such a comforting move that I push forward.
“I love my brother,” I tell him.
“I know that.”
“But I resented him a lot when I was growing up. I was six years older and some of the burden of caring for him was put on me, whether that was right or wrong, by my parents. My dad worked full time and my mom part time. It was up to me and her to take care of him with some nominal help from an aide that would come in a few times a week to give us a break more than anything.”