He sighs and walks over, bending his knees once he’s in front of me, bringing us eye level. “You’d ask Maddoc.”
“Eh, I like him when he’s angry.” I laugh and Cap chuckles with me. “No, but for real. I’d ask Maddoc because that’s how he likes it. He wants me to push him, so I do. You though, Cap, I can’t ask because while I wish you could share things, you’re not ready to yet and I’m sure you have a reason. You’re smart, the logical one of the bunch. I trust you.”
“You shouldn’t,” he rushes out instantly, and I pull back. “Raven, don’t let me ruin your life.”
I draw farther away from him. “What are you talking about?”
A pained expression covers his face and he runs his hands across it, but it doesn’t wipe it away.
“I’m trying, so fucking hard, not to betray everyone closest to me, but it’s only been hours since I knew how to fix what’s broken in my world and already I’m losing control. I feel like I might snap at any moment,” he admits, shame and self-hate seeping from every word.
Shit. What the hell is going on? What the fuck am I supposed to say?
I go with the same thing I did Maddoc, in different words. “Tell me what you need from me, Cap.”
“Push back. Accept nothing as the final word, fucking fight.” Footsteps on the stairs have both of us looking toward the door briefly and then at each other again. “We were born for Brayshaw, but you, Raven, you are Brayshaw. Use that power if you have to, even if in the end, it’s against us.”
“I...” What the hell? “No.”
“Raven,” he croaks, stepping in a little. “Please.”
“Not happening.” I hold strong. “If there’s something so serious coming, something that’ll pin me against you for real, any of you, I won’t be a part of it. I can’t.”
“You can.”
“No.” I stand, frowning down at him. “I can’t. I physically can not. I have never cared about another person in my life, Captain. I don’t even really know how, but I’m learning, and the last thing I’d do is turn my back on the first people to mean a damn thing to me. Me or one of you, it’s you guys. Always. That’s how this works.”
“Raven—”
“Stop. You act like you three don’t have the same way of thinking. I know what you’d do for me, you need to accept what I’d do for you. I love you, Captain. I love Royce. And Maddoc...” My throat grows suddenly dry, the words settling into my soul. Refusing to be buried any longer, they fight for a way out for the first time.
I love him. Completely.
I swallow, giving him my full truth. “I’d fall in an instant if it meant you guys stood strong.”
He jumps to his feet, the angry glare on his face taking me off guard. “That’s the point, Raven,” he growls, blue eyes cloudy from a clear lack of sleep. “We can’t be strong without you, not anymore. You fall or leave, turn your back on us, we’re seconds behind. We’ll fucking crack, Raven. Stop thinking you’re worth less than we are. You’re a part of us.”
“So... it sounds like one by one we all fall.” I pop a shoulder, at a loss when I don’t even know the cost or what the hell he’s talking about. “Who does that leave standing, Cap?”
His face falls in an instant, like he just realized the outcome to whatever reality is playing out in his mind. “Shit.”
He turns toward the door, pausing to look at me over his shoulder. “If I told you to leave this alone, to stay away from Perkins and the Gravens...”
“I’d say something like kiss my ass.”
He scoffs a small laugh, making me grin.
Before he can grab the knob, it turns and opens, both Royce and Maddoc standing on the other side.
Maddoc instantly frowns, sensing the tension the same way Royce reads it in our expressions.
Royce snaps his head toward Cap, accusation in his glare, while Maddoc keeps his locked on me.
“What’s going on?” he asks.
“Oh, you know. Secret sharing.” I can’t help but come across a little sour.
It’s not that I want them to feel like shit or for them to spill their guts, it’s more how I know, if at this point in our relationships, they have to keep something from me it has to be something real shitty. I admit, the thought makes me a little nauseous.
Royce exhales as he stares hard at his brother, he’s pissed. Realization sets in, then he looks at me. “He wants you to fight us, doesn’t he?”
I look at Maddoc who cuts his stare to Captain.
“Cap?” he snaps.
Captain’s eyes squeeze shut a moment. When they open again, he looks at me briefly before focusing on his brothers.