I turn, but before I could take one step, something burns my arm. Looking down, I see her hand holding it, branding herself onto me.
“Please. I know you're angry. And you have every right to be. But…”
“But what Lissi? What could you possibly say that would change anything?”
“Troy I…”
“Mama, I have to potty and I can’t find grandma.”
Everything happens in slow motion. Her eyes display all at once pain, anguish, and regret. When I finally get the courage to look down, I stumble back a bit, slightly thrown off by the angel looking back at me. I swear she looks just like me. I can’t seem to take my eyes off this beautiful little girl calling my Lissi ‘mama’. But it’s more than that. I can feel the truth. Without knowing anything else, I know my life was just changed.
“Well hello, cutie. What is your name?” I ask the angel stealing my heart right out of my chest.
“My name is Kari.” She says holding her hand out for me to shake. Jesus. This tiny little hand in mine feels so surreal.
“Nice to meet you, Kari. My name is Troy. I used to be a friend of your mom’s.” I shake her little hand and my whole world falls on its axis.
“My dad’s name is Troy.” She says at barely a whisper. “Are you my dad?”
At the question, I finally look up at Lissi and though she is crying, she manages to nod her head at me. The anger emitting from me must be palpable because Kari slinks back in her mother's side. A move which both upsets me and comforts me. I hate knowing she is afraid of me, but it shows how close the two of them are.
As everything starts to play over in my mind, my brain finally computes it all.
“Kari, how old are you?” I know it is a dumb question, but can you blame me? She left without a word. I need to be sure before I switch up all my shit.
“I just turned seven. Mom says I’m growing up too fast. You never answered my question.” I chuckle. I like her spunk. It reminds me of myself.
“Yes, little beauty. Looks like I am your dad.” Her eyes get big, then squinty with excitement. Looking once again at her mother, I note the deer in the headlights look she is giving me. I say nothing to her though. There used to be a time when she could read me, without words. Let’s see if that is still the case. I see her body quiver as I give her my best glare. One that reads, ‘Oh yeah. You’re going to pay this in more ways than one. You’re mine now.’
Let’s see her get out of this one.2LissetteAfter handing Kari over to my mother, I follow Troy just like I always did. Who the fuck am I kidding? I always will. I know I owe him an explanation, but the truth is it's not polite to speak ill of the dead. Even if my father ruined the last seven years of utter happiness for me. Don't get me wrong I have been happy raising my daughter, but I missed Troy. Missed him more than I had a right to. So, I know I need to explain, but it's going to be hard. And knowing him like I think I do, it's going to be that much harder.
Walking into his space is interesting. Before I even have a chance to look around, he's on me. Gripping my elbow, he turns me toward him.
"What the fuck, Lisette? How could you keep something like this from me? Seven years? If you didn't want to be with me, I could have understood, I wouldn't have allowed it, but I would have understood. But to keep my child from me, my flesh and blood is inexcusable. Anything you tell me right now will mean nothing," he grits out angrily. Despite how mad he is, I know in my heart that he’d never hurt me. Ever. He’d never hurt me the way I’ve hurt him. I’m a terrible person.
"I'm sorry, T. My father… Just know that I came back as soon as I could. I was going to tell you as soon as I could. I could explain but you're right, it's inexcusable. There are things you don't know. Things I'll never tell you, but I came back as soon as I could and not a day goes by that I don't regret the way things turned out," I say. Before I can say anything else, he waves his hand in the air, stopping me.
"I meant what I said before. You will never leave me again. Tell me you understand that, Lissi." I might be dying. My heart is beating so fast. He's the only person that's ever called me that and I haven't heard it in seven years. I let it wash over me, I bask in it. “Say the fucking words,” he demands.