Are there even words to describe how I’m feeling? Enzo killed John—someone I considered to be my father, but had he deserved it all along? Had he really beat my mother? Had he hurt the person I loved most and then used me for revenge?
The whiskey warmed me all over again as my insides burned like fire. “This is so fucked up,” I whisper into the air. Sitting the whiskey back down on the table, I look over at both of them.
“How did you find all this out?”
Jared smirks. “Well, asshole over here couldn’t handle losing you. He needed something to hold onto. I went to my father to do a little digging, and he told me. Turns out, on your mother’s death bed, she let our father know. She told him everything.”
I stare deeply into Enzo’s eyes. In them, I can see the flames of fire flickering back and forth. He did come for me. He wanted to save me. He may have been a man of death who held pain and heartache, but he knew love. After all, his vengeance was fueled by his love for his mother.
I take a deep breath, trying to digest all of it. It felt like one of those huge pills you had to take when you were sick. The bigger the pill, the harder it is to swallow.
“Let me recap, John and James are brothers. My mom married John, cheated on him with James because John was abusive. She then ended up pregnant with me, but only managed to stay with John because he said he would take me away. John’s anger stemmed from his brother working for Enzo’s family, who had killed numerous colleagues of his who had tried to bring them down. My mom never told James until she was dying. John took my mom’s death as a perfect chance to get revenge and made a deal with the new king of the family, knowing if his life were on the line, I would step in?” My mind is reeling. I feel like my life has been a complete lie, nothing but a charade.
All of this explains a lot but not soon enough. I should’ve known these things all along. I should’ve been told these things from the start. Times like now made me wish my mother was still here. Tears threaten to escape my eyes, but I force them back. I’ve been strong this far, I could go the extra mile, right?
“It’s okay to be frustrated and angry about it. I know I was, our father was, Enzo was.” Is he trying to justify the lies?
“It’s not okay. It’s not okay I was fed lies from the start, and it’s not okay I missed out on nearly twenty years of my life.” My words twist the knife in my chest. Saying them out loud makes it more real, more painful.
“Stop, Amara,” Enzo commands. He knows I’m right there, right on the edge of a cliff ready to jump. I’m feral with rage.
“No. You know nothing. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know how much it hurts,” I cry out as my hands grip my hair. It was all a lie. A big huge fucking lie. It feels like everyone I’ve ever known is laughing in my face.
Enzo crosses the room to sit next to me. I turn away from him, but he only scoots closer.
“Shhh,” Enzo whispers in my ear as I lift my head. I have no words. Nothing can fix this mess, nothing will make this go away.
“I can’t believe…” I say in disbelief, repeating the same sentence over and over again in my mind.
“You can believe it. You will believe it. You will acknowledge it and move on because you’re stronger than this. You have lost so much, but you have gained so much, too.” My tears finally escape my eyes as they slide down my cheeks like the truths that slip from Jared’s mouth.
“I’m not strong enough to do this,” I cry and let Enzo pull me into his chest, allowing him to cradle me. I don’t even care anymore. I don’t care that I am breaking down in front of Jared. I don’t care that I’m letting Enzo soothe me. I can’t cope with this anymore. I can’t handle the pain that’s coursing through my body.
“You’re strong enough, piccolo. You’re stronger than anyone I know.” His voice is so gentle and makes me want to forgive him. Forgive all his sins.
“I hurt you. The things I said before Mack took you, I regret more than I can explain. And I’m sorry I killed John… If I could go back… I would find another way.” His apology seems heartfelt and real, but I’m not ready to forgive him for either. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to.