“Gwen, you look simply dazzling this evening,” she said.
“Well, thank you Holly. It’s a new dress. I’m glad you noticed.”
She shook her head and raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t talking about the dress.”
“So, I’m glowing, is that what you’re saying?”
She raised her glass of wine. “Here’s to Gwen.”
“And to Holly.” We clinked glasses and took a sip.
“But tell me,” she said, “besides the visible euphoria, how’s it going?”
We were seated at a table next to the window. From my seat I could see couples walking hand-in-hand along the beach. In the restaurant, there were many couples dining together, staring lovingly into each other’s eyes.
“Well, it’s not all champagne and roses,” I said. “In fact, I haven’t had any champaign and I haven’t been sent any roses, actually.”
“So, the hunky Marines are a bit short on romance?”
I looked out the window where a young woman was chasing a man through the waves breaking onto the shore. I thought of Axel and how we’d taken a walk along the beach many days ago. I thought of how I’d asked him out and how he’d said that would feel like cheating. Finally, I looked at Holly and said, “It’s unusual.”
She cocked her head to the side and raised her eyebrows.
“I don’t know how to explain it,” I said. “I feel like I’m in a relationship, but…” I didn’t know how to finish my thought.
“Do you mean ‘relationships’?”
I shook my head. “That’s just the thing. It doesn’t feel like relationships, plural. It feels like one relationship, one unusual relationship.”
Holly nodded. “I can’t say I can relate, but I think I understand.”
I leaned across the table and whispered. “Holly, you know I don’t want to be in a relationship.”
“Don’t you?”
I pulled back and looked at her with wide eyes. “Holly, I’ve said that countless times.”
She raised her hands defensively. “I know you’ve said that. But do you really mean it, or are you just telling yourself what you think you need to hear?”
I considered her comment a moment. “Maybe.” I sighed. “Apparently, it doesn’t matter. Apparently, I’m in a relationship whether I wanted to be in one or not.”
She raised her glass timidly and said half as a question, half as a toast, “Congratulations?”
I didn’t know if that was worth celebrating or worth worrying about; probably both. We clinked glasses anyway. “And you know how I am with relationships.”
She shook her head. “I only know about Michael.”
“Enough said.”
She frowned at me. “Gwen, not all guys are like Michael.”
“I know that. But a lot of them are.”
“Don’t make me take the side of your boyfriends,” she said half jokingly, “I haven’t even met them all.”
I laughed.
“And why are you still thinking about Michael, anyway?” she said. “You’ve moved on. Tell your mind that. It would seem it didn’t get the memo.”
“Ouch.”
I tried to veer the conversation away from me. I asked Holly about her travels and her job, but she wasn’t having it.
“No way,” she said. “You’re seeing nine guys at the same time. You’re not going to ‘how is work’ your way out of telling me everything. I want to know what it’s like.”
“Fair enough.” I smoothed out the napkin on my lap and took in a deep breath. “Well, for a start, it’s complicated.”
She smirked. “Thanks for the insight.”
“I mean, it was supposed to be just a fun game.”
“And it’s not fun?”
“It is,” I said enthusiastically. “But you know me, I get attached easily.”
“And who are you getting attached to?”
“My boyfriends,” I said, louder than I’d intended. We both looked around the restaurant. There were more than a few inquisitive faces looking back at us.
We looked at each other and laughed.
“I wish I knew how to relax and just enjoy the moment,” I said. “But when I start to feel something, I get… well, you know how I get.”
“Attached.”
I shook my head. “How do you do it? How do you manage to keep your heart protected while still having fun?”
Holly nearly choked on her water. “You make me sound like a heartless trollop.”
“Trollop?”
She waved her hands dismissively in the air. “Whatever. You know what I mean.” She leaned across the table and whispered. “But I’m not. I, too, can have feelings for a guy.”
I gasped and fanned myself in mock shock. “I never would have guessed.”
Holly nodded. “It’s true.”
“Your secret’s safe with me,” I said.
“And,”—she straightened in her chair—“having feelings is a good thing.”
“Unless the guy or guys you’re dating aren’t serious,” I said under my breath.
She cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow.
I shrugged. “They keep making excuses. They have to work; they have training. I don’t know, seems suspicious.”
“It seems suspicious that working Marines have to work and they have training?”
“Yes,” I said defiantly.
Holly put her hand over mine and squeezed. “Gwen, these guys, they’re not Michael.”
I frowned and nodded.