“Like did they keep a schedule?” J.P. asked.
I shrugged. “I suppose so. I mean everyone keeps a schedule.”
“Was it like tag-team or did they have sex all of them at the same time,” asked Santiago.
“I don’t know the specifics.”
This earned me jeers and boos. “What’s the point of talking about sex if we’re going to leave out the specifics?”
While I was being bombarded with questions, Travis received a text from Gwen.
“Hold up guys,” he said. He stood from the couch holding his phone delicately away from him like it was a bomb that would go off if it was knocked or dropped. “I’ve just received a text.”
“Breaking news,” said Taylor sarcastically.
Travis looked at his brother with an air of seriousness. “It’s from Gwen.”
I was suddenly very alert, no longer tired from the day’s hard training. I leaned forward on the couch.
Travis read aloud. “Come in for a quickie any time. But don’t tell your brothers.”
“Don’t tell your brothers?” Tristan repeated, confused.
“There’s another one,” said Travis. “Unless you want to share.”
“No way!” Taylor jumped up from the couch. He reached to snatch the phone from his brother, but Travis turned and brushed him off. “Let me see that.”
Travis held the phone out for Taylor to see. Taylor grabbed at it, but Travis pushed him back. “Just look,” Travis said. “You don’t need to grab it.”
Taylor leaned in and squinted. He read aloud. “Unless you want to share.” Then he looked at us with wide eyes.
“Did you think I was lying?” said Travis. He walked to the corner of the room where he could play with the phone without someone trying to snatch it from him.
“Gwen actually said, ‘Come in for a quickie’?” I asked. I couldn’t believe it. She seemed so reserved when I’d talked to her.
Travis looked at me from over his phone. “Any time.”
I was jealous. I stood from the couch and was about to leave the room, but I decided this feeling of jealousy wasn’t healthy. I wouldn’t run from it. I would face it and fight it.
“What should I write back?” Travis asked.
“Tell her you’ll share,” said Santiago, “not with your brothers, but with your whole squad.”
“I can’t write that,” said Travis.
“Write something ambiguous,” said Nolan, “Like ‘sharing is caring’.”
“That’s stupid,” said Santiago.
“Tell her something honest,” I said. “Like you’re not interested in a quickie, that you want to take your time.”
That suggestion earned me a bit of ribbing for being a ‘romantic’.
Travis typed away then brought his phone down.
“What did you say?” asked J.P.
Travis smiled smugly and walked back to the couch.
“What did you say?” Elijah insisted.
Travis sat down calmly and put his feet up on the coffee table.
Taylor snuck up behind him and put him in a fake chokehold. “What did you write to her?”
“I wrote what you told me to write,” he replied calmly.
Taylor let go of his hold.
“I wrote: ‘Sharing is caring. and I care so much about you that I want to share you with my whole squad. But I’m not interested in a quickie. I want to take my time.”
I didn’t sleep well that night, half consumed with thoughts of Gwen and half consumed with my struggles over jealousy. The following day, I was a mess. I couldn’t concentrate on anything but Gwen and my contradicting feelings. Finally, two days later, I had some free time. I left the base and swung by the cafe.
I chose to walk to the cafe. I thought the long walk would help me get my thoughts together. I thought it would give me time to come up with an idea of just what to say to her, and how. But when I arrived and I saw her behind the counter, her smiling eyes, her fit yet generous body, any words I had prepared were forgotten.
“Good afternoon,” she said to me.
I exhaled a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. “Good afternoon. It’s been a while.” She didn’t react. Perhaps she thought I meant it’d been a while since I had one of her tasty pastries. Still, I felt stupid for saying that, for revealing my thoughts that quickly.
“What can I get you?”
“Just a coffee, thanks.” I took a seat on the terrace, looking out toward the beach. I felt powerless, powerless to communicate with her, to understand my feelings and share them with her. And I hated that feeling.
When she brought me my coffee, I said, “Thank you, Gwen.”
“You’re welcome.” She paused. “Forgive me, I don’t remember your name.”
“That’s quite OK. I’m Axel.”
“Axel. That’s right.” She smacked her forehead. “I’ll remember for next time.”
“I’ll have to come by more often, so you don’t forget.”
She nodded. “Yes, Axel, come by more often.” She smiled then turned to walk away.
“Gwen.” I called out her name. I didn’t know what to say to her, but I knew that I didn’t want her to leave.