Orion gritted her teeth and didn’t answer. Not just because she was angry that he thought he could fall into old patterns, but because she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to do the easy back and forth. She was furious with herself for being so fucking broken.
Maddox’s smile faltered just a bit. “It’s worth it, I promise. The lasagna is my personal favorite. The carbonara is awesome too.”
Orion’s stomach grumbled ever so slightly. The thought of doing something so normal like going out for dinner terrified her because it wasn’t normal for her. She looked toward her apartment building, thought of having to go through the effort of making dinner, or ordering takeout yet again, and she groaned.
“Come on. You gotta be hungry,” Maddox deduced, as if he was now reading her thoughts.
“Ah, I knew there was a reason they made you detective,” she said, snark heavy in her voice.
He chuckled, unaffected by the tone or the stare.
“Yeah, my skills know no bounds.” He paused. “They do takeout too. So, we could—”
“No,” she interrupted, the thought of him inside her apartment even worse. “I want to go.”
She didn’t. Not really. Inside her heart of stone, she wanted to go home, make herself something to eat, work out for an hour, and do some more research. Some more planning.
Eating Italian food with the very man she should be staying away from wasn’t going to do anything. It wasn’t going to help her rebuild herself into a strong, unfeeling woman.
But she said yes anyway.
Because she wanted a taste. Not of lasagna, but of what life might’ve been like if she hadn’t spent ten years in a cell. If she’d made it home that night and continued to be Maddox’s girlfriend.
“Let me just take a quick shower and change,” she said, opening the door. “You’re alright out here?” It came out more like a statement.
“Of course.” Maddox smiled. “Take your time.”
At first, it was all she could do to put one foot in front of the other.
The restaurant was unassuming, on a quiet street. The sign was a scrawl above the door, lit faintly. There were flowerboxes in the windows.
Orion wondered if Maddox brought women here on dates. If he had a girlfriend. It was the first time she’d wondered that. First time she’d let herself. She’d always been very good at controlling where her thoughts went. That was the only thing she’d been in control of for ten years.
But everything was coming unraveled. With Mary Lou gone, with Adam gone, with the weight of her chain gone, she felt as if she might just float away.
Walking on the street with Maddox beside her did nothing for that feeling. She was exposed, despite the fact her sweater was thick, her coat was expensive, and her boots were kick-ass. She was happy to have showered and changed while she was at her apartment, to put on a new skin, to wash away the day’s earlier events.
Maddox didn’t seem to clock her anxiety, or he was pointedly ignoring it to try and make her feel better. He opened the door for her.
It was meant to be a gentlemanly gesture, but that meant she had to walk into a crowded restaurant on her own.
She imagined that everyone stopped their conversations to stare, to whisper, but that was just anxiety and narcissism lying to her. A few people glanced her way, but most were focused on food or conversation.
The restaurant wasn’t big. Every table was occupied yet it didn’t feel crowded. It was warm and smelled like delicious things she couldn’t pinpoint.
A woman at a hostess stand smiled at her. “Two? Do you have a reservation?”
Orion’s mouth was stuck shut, as if she’d just tried to swallow a spoonful of peanut butter. The mere fact they didn’t have a reservation and she had to communicate this sent her heart to her boots.
“We don’t, but we’re very hungry and I promise to tip well, Maria,” Maddox cut in, moving slightly in front of her in a way that seemed natural, but she knew he did it on purpose.
“Maddox!” the woman shouted, warmth and familiarity in her voice. “You don’t come here enough! We were worried you had forgotten about us.”
“About you? Never,” Maddox said smoothly.
Something about his voice changed. It was warmer, less reserved. He was hesitant around her. It wasn’t something she’d noticed until just then, seeing him interact with someone who wasn’t a ticking time bomb.
“Who is this with you? You’re finally bringing a woman other than April. That’s a nice change of pace.” Maria grimaced. “Little party animal, that one.”
Heat crawled up Orion’s neck, and she fought the urge to turn around and run out of the restaurant and away from this interaction.
Maddox chuckled. “You’re telling me.” He motioned toward Orion. “This is Orion,” he said carefully, slowly. “She’s very special to me and she’s also never eaten here before, so I need you to tell Francisco to cook his ass off!”