So, in a way I wish I kind of did divorce him, just so we could do the whole thing over the right way. But I also knew that wasn’t in the cards. He was a kind and generous billionaire bachelor who had put so much of his life on hold for the decision that I had made. And sure, he said he understood it, but there was no denying that I had robbed him of a certain amount of choice. If I had known then how genuinely good he was, I might have reacted differently, but it was too late for that. I had shot down the possibility of anything between us before it had ever started. How classic Nicole.
He bent down and gingerly unbuckled Kireina from her carrier and brought her over to me, helping me sit up so I could hold her properly. And for that moment, we were the family that I wished we could be.”
“So, when do you have to leave?” I asked, clearly hell bent on ruining the moment.
“Why? You in a rush for me to go?”
“No! No. Not at all. I just wanna prepare myself, you know, for when I’ll be flying solo.”
“Well I don’t know about you,” my mother said, cutting in as she finished arranging the crib to her liking. “But I’m going to be here for the rest of the week.”
“But what about your shift?”
She gave me a look and I quickly pipped down. “Nicole Toshi Arden, my granddaughter was just born. If you think I’m going to leave her for a six-hour, minimum wage shift at a grocery store, you are truly crazy.”
“Alright, fair point.” But she wasn’t the one I was really curious about. Forcing my face into a neutral expression, I looked up to James. “What about you?”
“I’m here until next Sunday night. I have some things I need to go take care of back at home base.”
“Things like what?”
“A lot of details that can’t be handled from here.”
Huh, not the most forthcoming answer, but if he was leaving, I guessed that meant that we wouldn’t be dealing with the divorce for a while, which was fine with me all things considered. I needed a little while to get back on the separation band wagon, even if it was going to break my heart.
“Okay then,”
“But don’t you worry about that for now. You have me for the next eleven days, and then I’m going to visit often after that and so is your mom. And if you ever need either of us, we’re just a phone call away.”
“Uh-huh,” I murmured, staring down at my child. It was impossible to be sad while looking down at my little bundle of joy, so I would just keep my eyes on her forever, or until my heart stopped feeling like it was going to be torn into little, tiny pieces, whichever one came first.
***
Somehow, the first week and a half of mother life flew by. Maybe it was my sudden freedom in not being restricted to a bed. Maybe it was because I suddenly had a brand-new life to take care of. Maybe it was because I was trying to make the most of my time with my mother and James before I was on my own again.
Funny, so much of my life had been focused on learning how to be independent and never counting on anyone only to end up doing exactly that.
And of course, there was my darling baby girl.
I was more and more convinced every day that she was a gift directly from God himself, and no other child could have been as perfect.
She rarely ever cried, and when she did, there was usually a pretty immediate fix such as food, diaper change or naptime. She latched onto both of my breast without fighting me and didn’t bite down often like I had read about online. She slept regularly, and I could count the times she had woken me up screaming on one hand. Sure, she tended to miss the towel every time she burped up after a meal, but compared to everything else, I felt like we had straight spades.
“You know, if I wasn’t so adamantly against the exploitation of children, I think Kireina could be a child model.”
I looked to where James was sitting on the couch, flipping over my grilled cheese as I did. Since I was now free to roam the house as my body allowed, I liked to cook my meals again. I was sure the novelty would wear off eventually, but it felt like a small measure of my freedom had been given back after being yanked away so unceremoniously.
“She is awfully pretty, isn’t she?” I asked, sliding my sandwich onto a plate and approaching the two. “The prettiest little baby that I have ever seen.”