My whole body did an internal convulse at this new intimate position. His hands framed my face.
“This is why?” he asked abruptly.
I screwed my nose up in confusion. “What is why?”
His hands seemed to tighten, and the silhouette of his head turned to regard the same horizon I had been focused on. He moved to look back at me, becoming more seeable as the light began to bathe the valley.
“Your mom, she was sick. Had been for a while I’m guessing,” he clarified.
A knot formed in my stomach at the mention of her. I only nodded.
“She’d been battling for three years, am I right?” he continued tightly.
I nodded again.
“So that’s why,” he said, his voice both hard and soft. “Why you shut down, why you didn’t let me in,” he surmised.
I took a deep breath. “I-I … yes,” I stuttered, unable to figure out how to explain. I’d never felt closer to someone, even though our time together had been short, it had been magical. But with that closeness came distance. When you say goodbye to someone you’d never felt more connected to, you severed something that turned you into strangers. I felt so deeply for him I didn’t know how to approach this.
“Breaks my heart, babe, you chose to follow that road,” he clipped, his voice hoarse.
I was silent. What could I say?
“But I get it,” he said finally. “I’m mad as fuck you thought whatever you thought to take this road alone, but I get it.”
I chewed my lip, tearing my gaze away from the sunrise that was dancing beautiful colors along the barren landscape. I met chocolate eyes. Something moved behind those eyes. A flicker of understanding that could only come from someone who’d stared into the abyss of grief in which I was currently residing.
“We were together one night; how can you say things like this?” I mumbled, feeling infinitely scared at the fact that whatever it was between us hadn’t dulled in three years.
His arms tightened around me and his eyes flared. “It was a fuck of a lot more than one night, flower, you know that. Don’t try and pull that shit on me. You’ve done it for three years, no more,” he declared firmly.
I sat up a little straighter. “What shit?” I clipped, surprised at the sharpness of my tone.
His eyes searched my face. “Whatever shit you got brewing in that beautiful head to talk yourself out of this.” His hand snaked up my side, and my breath did a little hiccup.
His mouth buried itself in my neck. “I haven’t tasted you in three years, flower. I know you need time. Also, know you need it, too. Need us,” he muttered, moving his head.
I sucked in a breath. I couldn’t argue. Every sensible thought had left the building, and right now the only thing that could salve the burn of my heartbreak was Asher. His touch. The crazy connection we had erasing everything there was … out there, beyond the horizon in the background.
“I’m taking that as permission, Flower,” he growled.
His mouth captured mine in the next second, and I melted into his touch immediately. His arms pressed me to him, and I moaned into his mouth as the thin fabric of my leggings brushed against his hard length. I needed this, more than oxygen. More than anything at this moment. His hand went to my breast, his cool palm snaking up under my tee and tweaking my nipple.
“Fuck,” he hissed, leaning back. Desire was etched into his face. “I forgot how fuckin’ amazing it is,” he muttered. “Tasting you, having that little body set alight for me and me only.”
I looked at him through my lashes. Arousal had me feeling bold. “I haven’t forgotten,” I whispered. I tightened my hands around his neck and pressed my body against him. Regular Lily had disappeared. This new Lily, the one I didn’t recognize, replaced her. And she was horny. “I haven’t forgotten what you feel like inside me,” I murmured against his neck. His entire body tightened at my words. “I need you to fuck me,” I whispered in his ear.
Asher grasped my hair roughly, pulling my head back so he could meet my eyes.
“You can’t say shit like that,” he growled. “Not when I’m hanging on by a fuckin’ thread, trying to be a gentleman, respectin’ the fact you’re grieving,” he said tightly.
I watched him. “I don’t need a gentleman, I need you, I need us,” I whispered. “You’re better, you make it better,” I continued.
Asher paused for a split second then his mouth was back on mine. This kiss wasn’t like the last, it was intense, frantic, leading somewhere better. His hands were everywhere, my body responding to his touch like it was born for it. Without warning, I was lifted and set lightly on my feet.