The evening she took the test, she made sure Sam was there. She needed her best friend there. She was sure she was just exhausted from all the extra-curricular activity. That her breasts were just tender from the extra attention. That she was worrying for nothing. Her period had been late before. She just usually didn’t miss two.
When she finally had the courage to look at the test sitting on the sink, she grabbed it and ran out of the bathroom, tears tracking down her cheeks. She was in full panic mode, but Sam caught her in a tight hug. She wrapped her arms around her and stroked her hair and whispered nonsense things about it all being okay.
“It’s not going to be okay!” She tore away, flapping her hands in the air like a stunned bird. She paced around her small living room wildly, her breathing completely out of control. “I can’t be pregnant! Not with him! Not- he hates kids!”
“Yeah. I knew you were doing your hot boss. You wouldn’t tell me, but I knew. You were glowing. Happy. You looked like you were getting poked on the regular.”
“Sam!”
“I’m sorry!” Sam put up her hands in surrender, but she was grinning. “I knew you couldn’t hold out forever. I was happy you were finally having good sex. The guy is smoking hot, not to mention loaded. You seemed really happy, so I figured you’d hit the jackpot.”
“I did, I guess,” Lexi moaned. “It wasn’t supposed to happen, but- I- I have these feelings for him.”
“Sexy feelings?”
“Like other feelings too!” She glanced at the test in her hand and fresh tears welled up. “I can’t be pregnant. This will ruin everything.”
“Why?” Sam frowned. “You guys are exclusive, aren’t you? It’s early, but you’ve known each other for forever. I’m sure he’ll get used to the idea.”
“No, you don’t get it! He hates kids. Like hates them! He doesn’t want them. He never did. Never will. He’ll think I tricked him about being on the pill. He’ll think that I wasn’t or that I stopped taking it to try and get pregnant. He’ll think that I just want to use him for his money, pop out a brat so that I’m set up for life.”
“That’s a terrible thing to say,” Sam snarled. “I mean, not you. Him. Would he really think that? Would he really say it?”
Lexi hung her head. The test felt like a lead weight in her hand. A baby. She had a freaking baby inside of her. A little boy or a little girl. Along with the panic and terror, something else filled up her chest. It was a slow trickle at first, but then it flooded every crevice and cavity. Love. She felt it. The warmth flowed through her, giving her enough courage to raise her head and look her best friend in the eye.
“I don’t know. I- no. I do know. Even if he didn’t think that of me, he wouldn’t want it. He doesn’t want kids. He’s always been very vocal and clear about that. It’s not his fault. Some people just don’t. They don’t like them, and they don’t want them. We never talked about it. We were too new. I knew it could never go anywhere. That we wouldn’t last. We were too different. We want different things. Vital things. Important things. I want to be a mother. I always knew that is how it would end. I- well- not like this- but- that it would end. That it would end over the kids thing or something else. That’s the real reason I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want to have to explain to everyone after, what happened, why it didn’t work out. I knew it was going to hurt when it ended, and I wanted it to hurt as little as possible. I didn’t want my mom asking me if I was okay or my dad trying to see how I was doing. I didn’t even want Andy to try and bring me fast food or you to give me cupcakes and hard love or whatever.”
Sam laughed softly. “That’s exactly what I would have done. But- but now- even if it ends, wouldn’t you be really lonely? Going through a heartbreak all by yourself?”
Lexi hung her head. “It was stupid of me to even start it. Once I did, though, I just- it was hard to imagine breaking it off. I tried, like, a hundred times. I had the words on the tip of my tongue all the time, but they just wouldn’t come out. And- and now… I have to do this. I have to break up with him.”
“He might change his mind. When he knows there’s a real baby inside of you. A life. A life that is half him.”