She saw his hesitation and it appalled her. Did he know? Had he guessed that her feelings for him had changed—had deepened? How mortifying was that?
‘I think you bit your tongue a million times in the last two years,’ he said, his frustration audible. ‘You “behaved” because you couldn’t afford for me to fire you. I don’t want you curbing your instincts because you’re worried about me walking out on you. I want your honesty, Darcie. More than anything.’
Honesty was all he wanted. Not love. He didn’t want that. Well, the truth would be excruciating for him to hear. She’d fallen in love with him and he was planning his escape from her—expecting her to happily agree to his over-the-top plan. As if she couldeverbe satisfied with this?
‘You know I didn’t have to handle you so very much,’ she said. ‘But I think you’re almost as untrusting as I am if you think you have topayfor my honesty.’ This felt so transactional. That if she didn’t sign he wouldn’t trust her to tell him the truth. That he was so wary spoke volumes. She’d thought they’d built a different, deeper relationship. But they hadn’t. Or at leasthedidn’t feel any such change. Whereasshecouldn’t curb any instincts or emotions around him anymore. That ability had disappeared in a flash. Which meant she needed to get out of here.Now. Before she revealed it all.
‘I still want you to sign it,’ he said doggedly. He stood, inflexible, his expression shut down—he was Elias of the boardroom and he didn’t negotiate.
Too bad for him.
‘That’s not going to happen.’ She met his gaze directly, summoning all her years of masking her feelings to hold herself together for just a little longer. ‘Not ever.’
But she saw the flicker of emotion in his eyes. Then the cooling. Thesteeling. And she knew he’d gone.
‘You want to do this on your own,’ he said. Then he nodded. ‘That’s probably for the best.’
He was backing away from her but she needed to beat him to it. She needed to stop him from saying stupid platitudes and trying to be kind.Sheneeded to avoid all that humiliation. She needed torun.
‘You don’t actually need me, Darcie,’ he said. ‘You don’t need anyone.’
Maybe that was true. But she’dwantedhim with her. She didn’t want to lose what she thought they’d shared. And people didneedother people. Humans weren’t designed to be alone. They were social creatures who thrived better in groups. Infamilies. She yearned for that fulfilment. For everything. She still wanted it all even when she’d never really believed she’d get it. And she wanted it for Lily. But Elias didn’t—he didn’t recognise that it even existed. She was never going to get it from him.
‘I’m sorry I got you involved in all this.’ She tossed the papers onto the table. ‘It’s a mess. But we both knew it was never going to last.’
His shoulders lifted but his gaze didn’t leave hers. She watched the stiffness consume him. The suppression of emotion—or maybe that was still her wishful thinking. Because there was no emotion now. He was Elias of old—cold, clinical, controlled.
‘You’ll get Lily. I know you will,’ he said. ‘And I’ll always do everything I can for you both. If you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask.’
She never would. She didn’t want him to do anything else. Not now. She was just an unwanted obligation. A responsibility he’d never wanted. That realisation was her worst nightmare. She glanced about, seeking her escape, realising just how hollow and empty this house was.
‘I can’t stay here.’ The admission leaked out. Not in this place she’d thought might finally be her home. The place where she’d hoped she might have a whole family. It was too huge. Too full of unrealised dreams.
‘No, please stay. At least let me give you that.’ He looked at her sombrely. ‘At least for tonight. I’ll leave. I’ll go to the penthouse. Give you some space.’
His cool, oh-so-sensible decision struck like a sword to her heart. Giving her space? That was him beingkind.
Too bad. She was leaving, too. She wasneverstaying here even one more night. Because she couldn’t stand it. Why was it always her? What was the defect within her that meant people left and she was unloved? Why would she never, ever be good enough?
Darcie did the only thing she could. She turned her back and left.
And Elias didn’t even try to stop her.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
ELIASSPENTTHEbest part of the next forty-eight hours convincing himself he’d done the right thing. Because he’d done what she’d asked—therefore thathadto be the right thing. He wasn’t standing in her way. He’d let her go—which was what she’d wanted. He wasn’t trying to control her in any way. So why did he feel so damn terrible inside?
He’d always known that Lily and Darcie both deserved more than he could ever offer them—not just those material things, or even the emotional things. They deserved someone who actually wanted thesamethings they did. He’d never wanted a family—not some big home with a rambling garden, and a child’s sports or dance practices tying up time every weekend. He certainly didn’t want the burden of responsibility for someone’s emotional growth and development. He wasn’t ever going to be good at it and he loathed failure more than anything.
Except he’d enjoyed those too-few hours at the playground with Lily. He’d already been thinking about swimming lessons and seeing her enjoy that pool at the big home he’d bought before he’d even met her. The home that was now unbearably empty without the energy, laughter, vibrancy and sheer force of life that was Darcie. The home that mocked him with that big dining table. Not to mention the ostentatious diamond ring and solid gold band that she’d left behind on it. But he would only disappoint her even more the longer they remained involved. There’d be a slow decay as resentment built because he couldn’t be all she needed. But it was at that point in his ruminations that Elias’s inner arrogance emerged.
You could be.
Hedidn’twant to be another person who’d abandoned her or who’d just disappeared from her life. He’d wanted to be better than that. He wanted to help her still—however he could. And so he would—by finishing the jobs he’d begun. While she’daskedfor it to be over, he couldn’t leave those things just yet. He still wanted her to have everything and he’d be there as backstop. He’d wanted her to know she had all the choices and that’s what he’d strived to do. He’d tried to gift her everything—without her having to ask for it all.
But she’d made the choice she’d wanted. She’d chosen to leave him.
And why was that? Why didn’t she want him? The horror of her rejection burned like acid and made anger rise. He’d been such a fool. Clumsy and bossy and uncommunicative. Why hadn’t she understood his intention?