Hmm. Maybe I’ve been playing it a little too safe.
Chapter Two
Melissa
Trevor called me to let me know that Reagan went into labor. Reagan is Jackson’s stepdaughter. She quite selflessly agreed to carry Trevor and Cassandra’s baby. Cassandra froze her eggs when she was much younger, so biologically, the baby would be Trevor and Cassandra’s. As it turned out, it’s babies. Two fertilized eggs implanted, so Reagan’s carrying twins. I’m incredibly excited to add two more grandchildren to our growing brood.
I arrive at the hospital. Jackson and Darian are already in the waiting area. Naturally, she’s sitting on his lap and his hands are all over her. Jackson slides out and stands to kiss my cheek hello.
I look up at him. “Any word?”
He shakes his head. “No. I think we’re in it for the long haul.”
Oh great. I can’t watch them fondle each other all day.
As if hearing my thoughts, he returns to his seat and promptly places Darian back on his lap. I sit in a chair and prepare to watch the man I spent twenty-five years with molest his new wife.
I don’t begrudge him his happiness. In fact, I’m thrilled for him. He’s an amazing man, a genuinely good person, and an incredible father. He deserves this. I know in my heart that his relationship with Darian is the type of marriage he always wanted, but never had with me.
Seeing them act the way they do just highlights the lack of affection and deep love in our marriage. From the day Payton was born, there was never a moment where I felt as loved as he makes Darian feel every minute of every day. I can’t blame him entirely though. He gave what he got from me, which was next to nothing. Our problems were as much my fault as his, maybe even more so.
We were just two people, living parallel lives, managing the life neither of us would have chosen for ourselves.
We probably should have divorced sooner than we did. We just seemed to have an unspoken understanding that we’d wait until all of the boys were out of the house. Neither of us wanted to split our time with them in half.
I can’t help but stare at Jackson. He really is a very attractive man. What is it that I wasn’t attracted to? I know him being so accommodating and nice rubbed me the wrong way at times, but what’s the alternative? An asshole. Would I have preferred an asshole?
He treated me well, he often put my needs ahead of his own, he was always considerate, he was a generous lover, and he never disrespected me. What does it say about me that I had more nights than not where I couldn’t manage to sleep next to him?
Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure the failure of our marriage was way more on me than him. He tried so hard to love me at the beginning. I just couldn’t return it. I hated the whole situation we were in. It was unfair to him. I was unfair to him.
All’s well that ends well, I guess. He found Darian. She’s the right woman for him. The love of his life. But I don’t have that. I don’t know that I ever will. If I couldn’t love a near perfect man like Jackson, who could I ever love?
My self-pity party is broken by Darian’s oldest daughter, Harley, walking into the waiting area. She and her husband Brody are surgeons at the hospital. She looks at Darian. “Still nothing?
Darian shakes her head. “No. Will you check on her? I can’t stand the thought of her in so much pain. It all makes me nervous.”
Harley smiles. “Of course. She’ll be okay, Mom, don’t worry.” Harley heads off to the labor and delivery rooms.
I certainly understand why Darian’s nervous. Harley had complications during the delivery of her second child, and they nearly lost her. My boys said it was a pretty intense few hours when they weren’t sure what was going to happen. They said both Darian and Cassandra were inconsolable. Cassandra is extremely close with Darian’s three girls.
I walk over and sit down next to Darian. I rub her back. “She’ll be okay. She’ll be up and around making us all laugh in no time.”
Darian nods and whispers, “Thank you.”
Just then, Darian’s youngest daughter, Skylar, arrives. She looks at her mom. “Any news?”
Darian shakes her head. “Not yet. Harley’s checking on her now.”
I stand to kiss Skylar hello and offer her the seat next to her mom, which she takes.
Harley eventually comes back out with a smile. Phew. “She’s fully dilated. It shouldn’t be long now.”
Darian asks, “How is she? Is she in a lot of pain?”
“Mom, it’s labor. You’ve been through it three times. It’s not exactly pleasurable. Of course she’s in some pain, but she’s handling it in typical Reagan fashion. She’s cursing and screaming, and making wildly inappropriate comments to everyone.”
We all laugh. That’s definitely typical Reagan fashion.