“I think that just because you have an obsession, doesn’t mean he has one too. He barely knows you, bud.”
“But I can teach him about me.” My body felt bouncy, and I had to walk a little to make my brain work. Thea watched me pace around her kitchen while I twisted my hands in front of me. “I told him about me last night. I… I told him I liked when the bad guys die, and he smiled. He called mesweetheart.”
In all the time I’d been watching him, I’d never heard him call anyone else by that name.
That meant I was special.
Didn’t it?
“He said I didn’t have to pretend with him. He even pinky promised.”
Thea laughed again, and her face wasn’t wet anymore when I looked over at her. “That’s great, Silas, but that doesn’t mean he wants to be your boyfriend, okay? Most people don’t want to be stalked.”
“Why?” I rubbed my nose. “I just like to look at him. That’s nice, isn’t it?”
“No, because you’re doing it without permission. Consent is sexy, Silas.”
Sex.
That was another barrier I would have to overcome. I’d never done it before but I definitely wanted to do it with Daddy.
“I almost hugged him last night before he left but I didn’t. That was good, right?”
“Yeah, bud, that was good.”
“I wanted him to stay longer but his stupid phone rang. I watched him the rest of the night, though. He killed a dentist.”
Thea shook her head, and her lips twitched a little before she walked over to the stove and flipped the burner back on. “You’re going to see him again, I imagine?”
“Yep.” I jumped back on my stool. My hands still felt shaky, so I wrapped them in the bottom of my shirt. “He’s breaking into city hall for me, so I can hack their processor. Are we having spaghetti now?”
“Yes. Hell, it’s a wonder you’re so skinny when carbs are the only food group you consume.” She pinned me with a look. “Are you feeding yourself in that dungeon of yours?”
Thea didn’t like my apartment very much. She said it was depressing, and she didn’t love the idea of her baby brother living in an abandoned warehouse in a place named after the devil.
I liked the obscurity of it.
I’d spent a lot of money renovating that steel box into a home. It was the first adult thing I’d ever done, and for that, she was proud of me.
“Yes, Thea, I feed myself.” I didn’t want to tell her my diet mostly consisted of cheesy puffs and Xanax. “I even got some plants, and I go for runs every afternoon.”
“I don’t think it’s very safe for you to be running in that neighborhood but I’ll pick my battles.”
“I can take care of myself. I couldn’t back then but—”
“No.” She spun around so fast, the sauce she was spooning into the pot splattered all over the floor. “Absolutely not. You were a child, Silas. You should not have had to defend yourself from that man.”
I suddenly wanted to hug her.
She’d told me years ago that I didn’t have to ask first, so I crawled from my stool and shuffled through the kitchen I’d grown up in. There was a crack in the tile where I’d dropped my rock collection and down the hall was my bedroom.
My first bedroom.
She let me decorate it however I wanted, and I didn’t have to worry about locking the door because nobody was coming to hurt me.
Thea flinched when she noticed I was standing so close to her, but when I opened my arms, she dove right into them. Her smell was a combination of hand sanitizer and the ointment she always rubbed on my scars.
I didn’t love that smell… but I did love my sister.